Now and Then
by spikeschippedhead
Summary: *COMPLETE* *REPOST* - Two timelines - Angel and BtVS crossover - a what if Spike would have come back as human in season seven kind of story...yeah, like thats never been done before! Please R/R
1. Default Chapter

Title: Now and Then  
  
Rating: Mostly R, but there are a few chapters that are rated NC-17 for sexual situations and violence. Oh, and I swear like a sailor! I'm going to make this 18 plus fiction, but if for some reason you feel like it should be NC-17, just let me know and I'd be more than happy to change it.  
  
Pairings: Buffy/Spike, Angel/Cordelia (don't start throwing stones yet), Xander/Anya, Dawn/Spike (it's complicated - just read), Riley/and a grave marker (j/k, like I would ever put Riley in one of my stories).  
  
Plot: What's a plot? This picks up after season 6 of Buffy, but not necessarily season 3 of Angel. Spike comes back human with his bright happy soul and it's not all Buffy thought it would be. Angel and Xander don't act like putrid piles of crap toward Spike. It's hard to explain without giving anything away, just read. There is definite spuffyness, don't worry. There are a few rather violent scenes and explicit sexual situations, continue with caution.  
  
Disclaimer: Joss and the geeks at ME own everything, except for Spike 'cause he's mine damnit. I lack the originality to write my own characters, so I stole theirs. They can sue me if they want, I mean if they want my husband, fine. 'Bout the only thing I own. A month ago that would have been funny, but now I'm actually a little worried that Fox might actually sue me.  
  
Feedback: Yes, duh. I'm a feedback whore. You can tell me how much this sucks at spikeschippedhead@msn.com or spikeschippedhead@yahoo.com  
  
Distribution: I have no clue why you would want to publish this garbage, but if you are that desperate for fiction, just email me.  
  
A/N: Spike rocks in my stories, so if you don't like him or you have some deranged fantasy that Angel and Buffy are meant together, go read an Angel/Buffy fluff piece, while I go find a bucket.  
  
Reunions - March 2009 Chapter One  
  
Spike paced nervously back and forth in his apartment. He stared at the calendar, not believing that it had been almost six years since he had last seen Buffy. He and Dawn had become the best of friends, well as well as you can be in a long distance relationship. They wrote to one another, sent emails, talked on the phone constantly. The had had some rough times in their past, but the bond the two shared wasn't going to be broken easily. He knew what was up with Buffy, but it was all second hand information. Spike glanced out the window of his fifteenth floor apartment. It was a bright sunny day, he could vaguely make out the children playing on the beach. He sighed heavily to himself, that could be us, those could be our children. Children that they could have raised, together.  
  
Spike stopped his pacing for a brief moment and stared at the mirror that hung above his mantel. He couldn't figure out why he still got so nervous from these visits. Something in the back of his mind was telling him that things were not going to work out this time. Spike still wasn't used to seeing his reflection in the mirror. He could see the lines starting to show around his eyes and his lips. He knew that physically he was only 34 years old now, but he could swear that he saw a few gray hairs starting to show behind his ears. He had stopped bleaching his hair years ago, it was now a light brown color, that he kept very short, very respectable, very boring. His clothes were slightly different than they were slightly different not as well. He traded his Docs and duster in for khakis, loafers, and sweaters. What did I do with that damn duster Spike thought all of the sudden. He didn't know why he was worrying about such a trivial thing, but it did calm him down for a few seconds. He then began his nervous pacing again.  
  
Why did things have to turn out like this, he thought once more as he vacuumed the carpet, making sure all the little scraps were off the floor. He then put Spike Jr. in his bedroom. The small white pug was the closest thing to a friend he had these days he felt at times. At least the pug didn't tell him to stop whiny and acting like an Angel Jr. He gave his apartment a once over and began pacing once again. He always got nervous, he didn't know why. Guess he didn't want to let anyone down, even though he knew he already had, in so many ways. The door bell finally rang and he jumped to answer the door.  
  
"Daddy!" a small girl cried wrapping her arms around Spike's leg, too impatient to wait for him to bend over and pick her up.  
  
Spike bent down to pick the girl up. She had curly blonde hair, golden brown skin, and eyes as deep and as blue as her father's. He sat the child down and just stared at the woman standing next to the little girl.  
  
"Buffy.I mean.Anne. What are you doing here?" Spike asked.  
  
Dawn had always brought Julia to him in LA. Buffy had never once came here since he left, for the second time. Dawn would bring Julia up, and would often stay the weekend. He looked over and was relieved to see Dawn standing there. She was such a beauty in her own right he thought to himself. A man would have to be daft and blind not to want her he thought, knowing he had the first part of that thought down to a fine art when it came to the younger woman.  
  
"Hey, Will" Dawn finally said giving him a hug to avert some of the awkwardness of the situation. Spike and Buffy just continued to stare at one another, taking in all the changes that had occurred with the other. Spike couldn't help but see the sadness that was now the woman he loved. She had to have been almost twenty-eight by now. Her long golden hair was pulled back in a bun. She was wearing black slacks and a plum sweater, very grown up, very respectable, very boring. She also appeared to be very tired.  
  
"Come in, you ladies want something to drink?" Spike asked cautiously, not sure if Buffy was actually going to stay or not.  
  
They both politely requested a bottle of water. The three then sat uncomfortably in his comfortably furnished living room while Julia was in his room watching cartoons.  
  
"You're place is very nice Spi.uh.William." Buffy said, not sure of where to go from there.  
  
He just looked at her. He couldn't figure out why she was there, but he had a pretty good feeling that nothing good was going to come out of it.  
  
"Thanks luv. Don't take this the wrong way or anything. It's good to see you, but why are you here? I have a hard time believing it's because you wanted to see my apartment. We're not exactly best friends anymore slayer." Spike responded, wanting to cut to the chase about why Buffy was actually there.  
  
"Dawn said that I should come up here. She said that we really needed to talk. She told me how it is for you William. Unless Julia is here, you spend all of your time at the library, doing reports for the Watcher's Council, or at work at that damn museum. What happened to you? I'm worried about you. I just want to make sure for myself that it's OK to leave you here with alone with Julia."  
  
"Yeah pet, I'm fine. Just fucking peachy. You would think that I would have a reason to be pissed though, wouldn't you? I mean I gave up eternity for you and it's still not good enough. I'm stuck in this human body, dying. I moved away for you, because it hurt you too much to look at me. I only see my daughter, what fifty, maybe sixty days out of the year. And a lot of the time, Jules just reminds me of how much I still love you. What more do you want, Anne? I'm doing the best I can. Hasn't been easy for me to keep friends. I can't tell anyone what I used to be. Most people find me odd, strange, queer - in the gay sense of the word. The only bloody thing that keeps me attached to this world in Julia. I love her, how dare you barge in here to check and see if it's OK for me to see my own daughter. Not even you would stoop low enough to take her away from me, would you?"  
  
"No, of course not. I just think it's time that we talk. We've been letting six years of misunderstandings build up. It's been getting the best of both of us. I really want us to be friends again. Can we please go somewhere and talk? Dawn said that she would stay and watch the little hell-monster." Buffy said nervously, clearing not liking the way that things were progressing.  
  
Spike stared at Buffy, his eyes as empty and cold as he felt at that moment.  
  
"Sure, why the hell not? I guess that at the very worst you'll make me feel worthless once again." Spike quipped, not wanting Buffy to see that he was actually relieved and happy to see her again. And that he was still madly in love with her.  
  
Buffy and Spike walked the four blocks to the bar/restaurant in almost dead silence. They stayed at least and arms width apart, both staring out into the emptiness. 


	2. Chapter 2

The Return to Sunny D - September 2002  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Buffy ran up to her room, wanting desperately to take a shower. She was filthy from spending all day cleaning the basement out. At this point she was willing to do anything to stop her mind from working, or thinking, or feeling anything. After Spike left Sunnydale she was crushed and relieved at the same time. She had never thought he would actually go, but she was glad he did. After what he had done to her, she wasn't sure if she could ever trust him again. Actually, she had a sinking feeling that she would never trust him. He had violated her in the worst way imaginable, months later she could almost see where he was coming from. Almost. There was no excuse, but in the long run it had just proven that he was an evil, soulless creature that was not to be trusted. Or at least that's what she told herself to comfort herself at night.  
  
It wasn't just Spike though. All of her comfort zones were shot to hell. Willow was in a mental institution somewhere England, buy order of the WC. Anya had left Xander, saying that they needed some time apart before they could begin to trust one another again. Buffy had never cared for Anya, but without Anya, Xander was just a shell of himself. He pretty much drank a lot and spent a lot of time losing his money playing poker in the back of Willie's bar. Dawn blamed her for Spike leaving, which she could understand. She and Giles talked on the phone more often, but he went back to England to monitor Willow's progress. Buffy knew that if she thought about poor Tara she would completely lose it and would never make it through the day. Her world was falling apart and the hot water from her shower was the only comfort she had left.  
  
She opened the door to her bedroom slowly. She found dozens of candles lit throughout her room. Wild flowers were sprinkled all over the bed and her floor. She noticed her window was open. She could have sworn she closed it before she left. Her next thought was a certain vampire had been in here. She shook it from her head, not wanting to think about that possibility. As she made her way closer to the bed she found a piece of parchment paper folded into thirds, with her name sloppily printed on the top. She knew this handwriting. A shaky hand reached down and picked up the letter. She almost started crying when she positively identified the sloppy handwriting.  
  
To my Slayer:  
  
I know that we parted on the ugliest terms imaginable, and even though I cannot take back my actions or my horrible words, I am undeservingly asking for the chance to make amends. You were always in my thoughts, through the most hideous of my trails. I did it all for you, even though I didn't realize it at the time. I am what I am right now because of you. You are my life and I am yours, no matter how much you wished it wasn't so. I beg you to see me. I love you and I want you. Meet me at the Bronze tomorrow night, around eight. Don't tell anyone of my return until you have seen me for yourself. I will be thinking of you every second until then.  
  
Love William  
  
William, since when does he go by William? Was Buffy's first thought. She then became unreasonably angry. She decided to skip the shower and headed straight toward Spike's former crypt. She burst through the door, and much to her surprise the crypt was completely empty. There was no proof that a vampire named Spike had ever lived there. She did find a small box in the middle of the floor. Buffy bent over to pick the box up. She opened it and found a small silver band within. It had her named engraved on the inside of the band. She immediately knew who it was from. The Slayer slipped the small box into her coat pocket. The night was cold, and Buffy hugged herself as she made her way back to the house. A small smile escaped from her lips at the thought of Spike being back. She went upstairs when she got home and took a long bath, thinking about Spike.  
  
******************  
  
Spike was in his apartment unpacking his meager possessions. He had been back in Sunnyhell for about two weeks. His job at the museum looked promising. They were thoroughly impressed with how much he new about 19th century England, and about the broad amount of travels he had made considering he was only 27 years old. The job at the museum was only part time, on call, and he needed something with more structure. Structure, Buffy will like that, Spike thought to himself. He wasn't sure how Dawn was going to take it when she found out he was going to be teaching English Comp. where she was attending high school. He sighed heavily as he sorted through the boxes he had accumulated over his last hundred forty plus years on this earth. Actually, there was surprisingly little to go through. After all the times he and Dru had to relocate, he was honestly surprised he was even still alive. He pulled out a small photo album. He recognized as being once he had stolen from Buffy's house.  
  
He started to flip through it. Becoming more sentimental than he would have ever thought possible, a lump formed in his throat when he realized that he actually missed all of these people. They were his friends, he guessed. Well the closest to any he had ever had before. There was one of Xander and Anya sitting on Buffy's back porch, Xander making a goofy face and Anya, he was almost sure of, was thinking about money. He wondered whatever happened with those two. With a tiny pang of guilt he felt responsible for their parting. Even though he and Anya shagged after the breakup, he felt that he hadn't helped matters at all. There was another of Willow and Tara kissing. He felt a small tear slip down his cheek as he thought of the shy blonde wiccan. She had been a good girl, she never deserved this. If only I would have been here. Stupid bloody poofter..  
  
Part of him knew that wasn't true though. He knew through the underground that Tara would have been killed regardless on whether or not he would have been here or not. Tara and Buffy had been shot in broad daylight, there would have been nothing he could have done. He mindlessly thumbed through the rest of the album. Most of them he had stolen from the Summer's home. He reached the very last one, the only one with him in it. He and Buffy had been standing in the hallway. She loosely had her tiny arm around his lean waist. He could tell it had been around Christmas time, with all the cheesy lights and tinsel scatter all over the place. He knew that Dawn had taken the photo, he also knew that there had been no one else in the house at the time. Buffy made sure never to get within ten feet of him when the Scoobs were around, especially the whelp. She was also smiling, not the fake performance smile, she looked genuinely happy.  
  
He missed her so much. The last few months had quite literally been hell. He started to regret the flowers and candles he had left in Buffy's room. He didn't want her to think he had turned into Angelus or anything. He had come back for her trust, and her love. He had gotten used to her not loving him, but he had to have the trust part back. He knew he couldn't live without her.  
  
And then I break into her bloody room like a stalker and.he didn't finish the thought, grimacing enough about the first part. He moved into the bedroom to unpack his clothes, anything to keep his mind from wandering back to her. He came across his duster. He smelled it, like Buffy had done so many times when she thought he wasn't looking. It smelled of blood, alcohol, smokes, and lust. Things he had not had since coming back to Sunny D. Spike sighed and dropped the relic in a cedar trunk at the foot of his bed. He briefly wondered if Buffy would notice that he had snaked it from her room after he was done with his little stalker party. He doubted it though, he had found it at the bottom of her closet under a bunch of outdated clothes and stuffed animals. He sighed once more, and looked over his apartment. Buffy would be happy with this.  
  
"Home sweet home." He muttered to himself as went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. He sat down at his dining room table and began to scribble in his journal. 


	3. Chapter 3

Uncomfortable Silences - March 2009  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Buffy and Spike sat across from each other at their corner table. Buffy ordered a tequila sunrise and Spike ordered a draft beer. The pair managed to stare at anything but each other. While Buffy was counting the ceiling tiles, Spike glanced over to sneak a peek at the mother of his child. She was still beautiful and no matter how much he wanted to, he could not be angry with her. Buffy looked down and noticed him staring at her. She blushed slightly like they were two teenagers on their first date. His head was cocked to the side as if he was looking at her for the first time. It appeared like he was still trying to figure her out. She smiled a little as the waitress brought their drinks. Then she caught the waitress eyeing Spike, right in front of her. Suddenly her face flushed, was she becoming jealous? She immediately shook the thought from her head.  
  
"I get to retire in a year and half." Buffy suddenly said wanting to relieve the tension. "The WC is bringing in a new Slayer to train next month."  
  
"That's great luv." Spike responded politely. "The WC is going to publish some of my work in The Watcher's diaries next month. Museum wants me to go to Rome in June. Actually I kind of wanted to ask you if Jules could go. I already invited Dawn."  
  
"I don't see a problem with that if Dawn's going too. Actually before we get any deeper in the polite conversation, I wanted to talk to you about my plans after I retire. I've been offered a position in Baltimore. With the homicide department, and I was going to teach criminal law at the community college there. It's a great opportunity. I just don't know what to do about Julia. Neither of us see her enough as it is. I know that you love her as much as I do." Buffy quickly lied. She knew she shouldn't, but she had to see if he even cared.  
  
"Yes pet, I do. Love her almost as much as I love you. And I am not going to lose her too. Already lost one thing that meant the world to me" Spike said, not even attempting to be cryptic about his feelings. He then gingerly reached over and took one of her hands.  
  
Buffy just stared into his deep blue eyes. She could still remember the days when she could lost in those eyes for hours. He would look at her and she would melt, and then he would lovingly kiss her, and she would love him. If only for seconds at a time. 


	4. Chapter 4

First Date - September 2002  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Buffy was frantically running around her room, desperately trying to find something to wear. Something that screamed "I'm a grown up now and I don't need you to hold my hand." Sadly her wardrobe consisted of slutty leather and pastel, flowery print stuff. I am so lame she thought hopelessly to herself. Dawn lay on her bed and mindlessly flipped through the new issue of Cosmo.  
  
"Geez Buffy, you're going on patrol, not some hot date. Wait, you are, aren't you?" Dawn asked, excited by the prospect that Buffy has a new boyfriend.  
  
"Dawn, if I tell you something, you have to swear not to tell anyone."  
  
Dawn made an X across her heart with her finger as a promise, enthusiastically nodding yes.  
  
"Spike is back. I'm going to see him tonight." Buffy said, desperately trying to hide the excitement in her voice.  
  
"What? Spike's back? He has a lot of nerve showing up here after ditching us like that. He left us Buffy. He abandoned us and he said he never would. I don't care if I ever see him again." Dawn replied, trying to be brave. She didn't want Buffy to know that she was actually thrilled that her vampire protector had returned.  
  
Buffy looked at her sister lovingly. She knew that Dawn didn't mean it. She walked to where Dawn was laying and sat next to her. She began to softly stroke her hair.  
  
"Dawn I know you are upset that he left us, but he had thousands of good reasons. Things happened between us that I never thought you needed to know. Big scary grown-up things. Dawny, we needed to sort some things out, spend some time apart. Hopefully we can still be friends. I don't even know why I'm nervous though, I mean it's Spike."  
  
Dawn sat up and hugged her sister, knowing that there were things that she didn't know about the situation. But Dawn also knew a lot more than she was supposed to. She knew that Spike wouldn't have left unless it had been really important.  
  
"It'll all work out Buffy. Spike will still be totally in love with you, and you'll pretend not to like him, even though you are so hot for him. But you need to let him know how you feel. Maybe things could have been avoided if you have just told him the truth from the get go. No more secrets Buffy. Promise me."  
  
Buffy just nodded and got off the bed, surprised at how intuitive and insightful Dawn had become since their Mom had died.  
  
"How'd you get so smart littlest Summers?"  
  
"I used to watch a lot of Oprah and Maury with Spike that summer you taking a vacation six feet under. Just call me Dr. Phil." Dawn joked.  
  
Buffy could just imagine Spike yelling and throwing things at his small TV. Becoming upset and disagreeing with queen of daytime talk.  
  
Buffy stood in front of her mirror to critic her outfit once more. She was wearing a lavender knee length skirt, and a matching silk tank. He hair had grown a few inches since the last time she had seen Spike and it was loosely pinned up. Strands fell around her face, framing it. She twirled around once more before she headed out the door.  
  
********************* Spike was sitting at the bar and The Bronze. He had broken down on his sober streak and ordered a double shot of bourbon. He was understandably nervous. He wasn't used to the sweaty palms and the heart beat. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. His white hair was spiked and a little wild, reminding himself of Billy Idol. He felt uncomfortable in the black slacks and the gray wool sweater. He felt practically naked without his duster. He scanned the crowd nervously, afraid that one of the scoobies would spot him. Just then he noticed the exquisitely dressed petite blond head toward the bar.  
  
Spike's throat felt uncomfortably dry, he then quickly downed his shot. He silently waited for her to notice him. She just stopped about ten feet away from him, and simply stared. Spike cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out what his beautiful Slayer was thinking. He wondered why she had stopped so suddenly.  
  
Buffy stopped in front of him. Something felt wrong. Her Slayer senses were in overdrive. She could usually sense Spike long before she ever saw him. But there he was, standing right in front of her, and she had not picked up on it. He wasn't as pale as the last time she saw him. Granted, he was still pale, but almost seemed like he had lost his translucence. He was dressed oddly as well. Nicely, maturely, but not very Spikeish. He still appeared very sexy to her though. Bad Buffy, get thoughts of the evil, soulless, yummy, naked vampire out of your head, she screamed to herself. It was Spike standing there all smug like, but it also seemed like it was someone else completely. She walked curiously toward her former enemy and lover.  
  
Spike just stared at her, unable to move, or breath. His heart was pounding about a thousand beats a minute. He wished he hadn't worn the itchy sweater, he was becoming rather warm. The only thing he had on underneath was a wife beater and a silver cross hanging around his neck. She was now standing right in front of him.  
  
"Hello luv." Spike started. "You wanna drink?" He asked casually.  
  
"That would be great. I'll take a gin and tonic.uh..you wanna go upstairs and talk. It's more private."  
  
"Sure Ducks. I'll be right up."  
  
Buffy sat at the table waiting for Spike. She had wanted to kiss him from the moment that she had first seen him. She had wanted to throw all of the ugly parts of their relationship out the window. He had changed and she knew that everything would be OK this time around. She wanted to say she was sorry for the way she had treated him over the last few years. She almost started crying right there, she couldn't believe that he had actually come back. I guess I never knew what I had until it was gone she thought miserable to herself. Just then Spike emerged from the stair case holding their drinks. He had a ridiculous and smug grin hanging on his lips. He sat the drinks on the table.  
  
Buffy then jumped from her seat and wrapped her arms around Spike's neck, crushing her lips against his. The kiss was warm and passionate, completely about love. Spike while shocked by the slayer's immediate affections, he was grateful to be kissing her again. He wrapped his arms around her even tighter. Buffy felt there was something wrong, and wrestled out of the embrace. She took a few steps back. Spike stared at her, confused. Buffy just put her hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp. Her eyes were filled with a mixture of terror and wonder. Spike attempted to approach her.  
  
'What's wrong luv?' Spike asked.  
  
"What the hell did you do? Why did you do it? How could you.." Buffy spat, trying to hold back the tears building up.  
  
Spike began to worry, his brilliant plan was beginning to back fire.  
  
"Buffy, I thought you would be happy. I thought this was what you wanted."  
  
"Spike.are you.well of course you are. I mean..the warmth..the heart beat.the breathing."  
  
Buffy slowly walked back toward Spike, tears staining her cheeks. She just stared at him. She ran her fingers over the side of his warm face. She put her other under underneath his sweater, feeling the warm ridges of muscles, stopping where she could feel his heart beating. She nuzzled her head against his chest. She could feel it beating. She started to cry all over again, unsure of everything that she was feeling at that moment. She looked up at him a smiled. A small smile, but a smile all the same.  
  
"I can't believe your alive. I can't believe that you're human." 


	5. Chapter 5

Civil Conversations - March 2009 Chapter Five  
  
"What happened to us Anne, Buffy, Slayer - whatever you go by now? We were in love once. Well, I was anyway. What made you hate me so much? How did we get here?"  
  
"Things are complicated William. I mean you just assumed I wanted you to be human. Perhaps at the time I did. I dunno, it seems so long ago. I know that you crowded me. I couldn't breath. And then Julia was born, it was too much. Maybe I didn't want you take your little soul journey. Maybe I was beginning to accept what you were.well until that night. You came back different Spike. I tried to get used to you and your shiny new soul. Do you really want to get into this now? Can we please just talk about something else, more pleasant than the madness that is Buffy and Spike?"  
  
"I thought me attempting to tell you I still love you was pleasant." Spike responded with a sly grin.  
  
"You know what I mean.you jerk." Buffy responded, smiling.  
  
Spike still loved to see her smile. He pulled his hands away from hers once more, deciding that he was willing to talk about anything if it meant her not leaving.  
  
"So how's the hellmouth?"  
  
"Willow's been released into my custody. She's in Mom's old room again. She wears this little bracelet thingy, I guess it binds her powers. She was too powerful to strip her magic. I think she's happy though. She's even going to finish college next year. I know you talk to her sometimes."  
  
"How's Red doing about Tara? I know it's been over six years, but those two birds were meant to fly together. She doesn't really talk to me about it." Spike asked sincerely. He missed the blond witch too, after all this time.  
  
"Well, we try not to talk about Tara around her. She gets kind of twitchy still. It's not so much Tara's death that wigs her out, it's like a constant reminder about what happened. Oh - Xander and Anya reconciled. Sorta. Xander's still pulling the holier than thou crap about what happened between you and Anya."  
  
Spike let a brief flicker of hurt pass over his eyes. He didn't regret what he had done with Anya, not a bit. He did regret how things turned out after.  
  
"Buffy, you have to know by now that I didn't want to hurt you, right? It was because I was hurt and Anya was hurt, so we hurt together for a bit. We were drunk and alone. You and Xander were never even supposed to know. You had pretty much convinced me that you didn't care what I did."  
  
"I understand Spike. I mean, it's taken me years, but I get it. I keep trying to make Xander understand, but he's being stubborn and pig headed. Actually I think he was more upset about you and I than you and Anya. It's kind of funny. I mean he hated you all those years you were a vampire and then you show up human and you two are best buds. I had lied, to him, about it. It's get better though. The Scoobies are getting back together. And you know all about Dawn, more than I do I'm sure."  
  
Buffy reached over and held Spike's hand once again. She still hadn't gotten used to the warmth that emancipated from him. A look of sincerity came across her face. She didn't want to talk about Spike and Dawn's past relationship, but she also knew that was one of the biggest reasons that they weren't together now. They had to talk about it, as much as Buffy didn't really want to.  
  
"I'm sorry about the way things worked out between you two. I know how much she loved, well loves you."  
  
"Buffy, you know it wasn't fair to her. She knew, and I knew that she was the runner up. I should have never given in to her. I was tired of running from her. I tried to love her, like I loved you - but I couldn't. I do love Dawn, she means the world to me, she just wasn't you. Dawn was sweet and chaste, where you were fire and passion. I know she's better off now. I hear she has a new boyfriend."  
  
"Yeah, he's a doctor over at the hospital. Dawn met him on one of my bi- weekly visits. It only took him about three weeks to figure out that Sunnydale was not a nice normal town and that I didn't keep hurting myself in skateboarding accidents. He's super, Xander loves him. You know, like man loves him.tolerates him.you know what I mean. It kind of makes me miss having someone. I'm sure Dawn told you all about Buffy Anne Summer's less than thrilling love life." Buffy said with a sad smile.  
  
"What can I say luv? Once you've had the best, there is simply no going back." Spike responded with a mischievous grin.  
  
"Glad to see that you are still a pig Spike." Buffy said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"You know, it's kind of nice sitting here with you. It's been sometime since you and I have had a civil conversation that didn't involve fists or head trauma." Spike remarked, ignoring Buffy's pig remark.  
  
Buffy laughed a little, thinking of all the fights the two have shared. Especially the last one. Then Buffy's mind began to wander to all the things she and Spike had done after they were done fighting. It had been a very long time since a man touched her like that. She missed it. She missed Spike. What am I doing here. I'm here to talk about custody options.not to fall in love with him all over again. At least that's what she told herself, she was in super defensive mode and she didn't want to get her hopes up once again. 


	6. Chapter 6

Apologies - September 2002  
  
Chapter Six  
  
All of the sudden Buffy stopped smiling and smacked Spike across the face, hard. He went flying across the room and landed on a table. Pain immediately shot up from his back. He looked at his now seriously brassed off slayer curiously.  
  
"What the bloody hell was that for?"  
  
"What, you think now that your human with your magnificent soul that I'll forget about the fact that you tried to rape me? I hate you. Just leave me alone. I was crazy to think I could ever love you again." Buffy spat.  
  
She wasn't sure why she had become angry all of the sudden. She had been dealing with what happened for months. She had been coming to accept what happened and deal. He hadn't actually done anything, and the look in his eyes after it happened almost killed her. He was half crazy with love and need. She just looked sadly at him and told herself she was going to attempt to make this work, especially since he was human now.  
  
"Buffy, there are not enough apologies for what I did to you. I'll never be able to make it up. Please let me try. I'm not the same man I was before. You have to believe that. Are you upset about the human thing? I thought you would be happy. I thought that this is what you wanted?"  
  
Spike was honestly curious about the response. She didn't seem pleased with the new and improved Spike.  
  
"I am happy. I'm just confused about so many things. You just disappeared. You left me, and you left Dawn. I didn't know if you were dust somewhere. I didn't know if you were somewhere plotting my death. I can understand how you could have hated me though. I was horrible to you. I raped you so many times, so many different ways. And you let me. I know someday I will find the right words. Now though, now I'm just happy that you are back. You're here right in front of me.I.." Buffy tried to finish, and just began to sob.  
  
Spike walked over to Buffy and wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He just wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to make her feel loved. Buffy just held him tightly, afraid that if she let go he would be gone once again. A shadow in the back of her mind. She was having a hard time adjusting to the beating heart and the warmth.  
  
"You wanna get out of here luv? Maybe we could go somewhere private and talk."  
  
Buffy just nodded her head and Spike led her out the door. Both were unsure of how to proceed. Spike calmly wrapped his arm over her shoulder and led her to his apartment. He was unsure of everything around him. The sense of smell, hearing, and sight were gone. The only left was a frightened mortal. He rarely went out after dark these days. He knew what went bump in the night, and in his human form there was nothing thrilling or exciting about it. He also didn't fancy the idea of Buffy having to save his ass if they were jumped. Spike knew he was pretty strong for a man his size. Well, he knew that he could kick Xander's ass anyway. There was no way he would try to take a vamp on by himself now. He was beginning to realize some of the bigger downfalls to being a mortal.  
  
Buffy looked over at Spike. She wasn't quite as horrified as she had been before, but she was still a little freaked. His cheeks were red, and he looked nervous. She had never seen him loose that cocky attitude he was so famous for. It was gone now. He almost looked like a lost child in a department store. This frightened Buffy a little. Spike was so vulnerable now, and weak. They held one another's hands even tighter and walked more briskly toward the apartment complex that Spike lived in.  
  
What have we gotten ourselves into?  
  
The thought passed through both their minds as they walked into the apartment complex. 


	7. Chapter 7

I Feel So - March 2009  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
"Buffy, you there?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah, I was just remembering."  
  
"I know what you mean. When I saw you today, it was like twelve years of memories came rushing back to me out of nowhere. I thought my heart was going to stop beating when I saw how beautiful you've become."  
  
"Well, you did OK with the no beating heart for like 120 years without too much of a problem. I'm sure you could handle a few seconds." Buffy quipped winningly.  
  
"You've been hanging around Harris for far too long. Definitely getting his lame ass sense of humor."  
  
"Been sorta avoidy lately, actually." Buffy replied sheepishly.  
  
"Is he getting all stalker boy on my girl?" Spike asked half jokingly.  
  
"First I am not your girl. And if he was stalking me he must have taken a crash course from you at some point. I don't think he's in love me or anything. I just think he was lonely for awhile. Anya was gone and he thought that I was lonely. He was just being a little overly friendly. Taking me out to dinner, buying Dawn clothes. Always taking Julia places. Maybe he was afraid of loosing me. I just think he's confused, now that Anya's back."  
  
"Did anything happen between the two of you?" Spike asked, like an overprotective father. The jealousy shone in his eyes.  
  
"He kissed me once, and I let him. I missed kissing.and he was.there.and I.I don't know."  
  
"Ducks, it's OK. You're a big girl. We aren't married, you aren't cheating on me or anything." Spike responded sympathetically.  
  
"But it feels like I am. It hurts when I touch someone else, and it's not you. It's been six years, us being isolated from one another, and it still hurts. When Angel and Riley left, the pain faded with time. But when you left, I felt like I was dying inside. I mean when you left for Africa, you didn't say anything.you.just."  
  
Buffy's already frantic voice was starting to become louder. Part of him wanted to chuckle at how little things had changed. All this time, and everything was still his fault. Some things never change. He sighed as he motioned for Buffy to calm down. She was such a drama queen at times.  
  
"Come on pet. You're the one that doesn't want to dig up the past. And here you are, digging it all up all over again. What do you want pet? I'm tired of playing this game. I accepted the fact that you think everything is my fault. I'm sorry about leaving, I'm sorry about becoming human. Do you want me to be a vampire again? Want me to call up Peaches? Maybe he'll turn me again, so he can dust me. No, better yet, I'll give Dru a ring. Never stopped talking to her. She's been itching to get her hands on me. I could be her little play toy again, and not have to live this mundane existence. So are you going to stop bitching so we can have dinner, or should I just call Dru?"  
  
"You are such a bastard. I knew there was no way we could work this out. You are still the same smug arrogant shit that I fell so deeply in love with so long ago."  
  
"You wanted to work things out? You really loved me?" Spike asked so quietly that Buffy almost didn't hear him. 


	8. Chapter 8

Stamina - September 2002 Chapter Eight  
  
Spike unlocked the door of his apartment and led Buffy inside. Buffy looked around in complete shock. Spike's sparsely furnished apartment was very tastefully decorated. She sat down on the black leather sofa and just stared at Spike, who was in the kitchen fixing drinks. Oddly enough the layout wasn't much different from the layout at Giles' old place. There was only one floor though. The bedroom was behind the kitchen, to the right of the bathroom. The walls were a warm tan color. Buffy felt strangely at home in the former vampire's apartment.  
  
Spike walked over and handed Buffy her drink and sat on the coffee table, facing her. He rested his elbows on his knees, letting his forearms comfortably rest. He leaned toward Buffy. He studied her face very carefully before he began.  
  
"Buffy, I'm the same person I was before, only a little better now. I still love you. I remember everything about you. I have a soul now though, I can walk outside in the daytime without my contents being able to fit into an ashtray afterwards. Hell, we can even go to church together if you wanted. I'm an updated version, I'm more than I was before. I did all of this for you luv. I love you, I would do anything for you."  
  
Buffy just stared at him. His eyes just saw right through her. They saw straight to her soul. Her shaky hand reached out and stroked his now warm face. It felt strange, but nice to be touching him once more. Spike leaned in closer and softly kissed her lips. There was only tenderness in this kiss, only love and devotion. Spike pulled Buffy onto his lap, never removing his lips from hers. The moment that Buffy was on his lap their kiss deepened, became more passionate, almost desperate. Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike's neck, pushing herself onto the bulge in his pants. They were lost in one another. The heat was almost too much for Spike and the lack of oxygen was freaking him out. He pulled back from the kiss and hungrily stared at Buffy. His eyes were filled with long forgotten lust, Buffy chewed on her bottom lip.  
  
"Buffy, you want to go the bedroom luv?" Spike whispered hotly in his ear.  
  
Buffy just nodded enthusiastically. She was even more excited by the use of her name. In one graceful movement he lifted Buffy up, her legs still wound tightly around his waist. Spike momentarily noticed that Buffy seemed to weigh a little more than she used to, he was having more trouble carrying her than he used to. He shrugged the thought off and concentrated on a naked Buffy. When they entered the room, Spike lay Buffy on the bed. He leaned over her and began to kiss her passionately once more. His hands caressed her soft skin, the curve of her stomach, her slender arms. His hands moved over her stomach once more, and with once carefully maneuvered hand he was gently caressing her lips, one figure teasingly threatening to enter her. Buffy arched her back and began to moan. Spike's mouth found it's way to Buffy's supple breasts. He began to tease and lick the nipples, almost sending Buffy over the edge.  
  
"Clothes, need.to.come.off." Spike whispered hoarsely, struggling to unzip his slacks.  
  
Buffy stood up nervously from the bed. Her face flushed a bright red. She pulled the pins out of her hair, letting it fall to her shoulders. She then purposely moved her hands possessively over her body. Spike stopped removing his own clothes and just stared at his beautiful siren. His mouth watered as Buffy pulled her flimsy top over her head, he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra and her small firm breasts were there, begging for his touch. He started to stand, wanting to go to her. Buffy shoved him back on the bed and continued her torturous dance. Buffy then leaned over and ran her hands up her smooth, silky legs, her tight stomach, up through her golden hair. She then swiftly unclasped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor.  
  
Spike stared at her longingly, and when he saw her white lace panties, he couldn't help himself. Spike's erection painfully pressed against his pants. He had to have her, right then. He carefully unzipped his pants, letting his cock fall free. He methodically stroked it, while watching his beautiful goddess. His eyes never left her. Buffy noticed what Spike was doing. She dropped to all fours and slinked across the room like a jungle cat. She stared at him seductively before she took the head of his shaft into her mouth. She sucked slowly, teasing him. Spike groaned at the way she was touching him. He ran his hands through her hair, encouraging her. Buffy sucked and licked his hardness, savoring the salty sweet taste of it. Spike knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer and snatched Buffy up onto his lap.  
  
Spike ripped off Buffy's flimsy underwear and tossed them to the side. He needed her. He gently entered her, wanting to tease her. Buffy couldn't take it, she ground herself down onto of him and started pumping wildly, let herself loose with the wonderful feeling that was him. Spike nipped and teased her breasts as Buffy fucked him wildly.  
  
"God I love you, I missed you so much." Spike growled into Buffy's ear.  
  
Buffy just moaned, she could feel her climax coming. She arched her back and prepared for it. She came with white hot flashes of light. Her body was tensing and releasing from within seconds of each other. She wrapped her arms around her lover and he continually pounded into her. He soon came and grabbed Buffy even tighter. He rested his head on her shoulder, drinking in the moment.  
  
He then collapsed on the bed. She followed him. Their bodies were hopelessly intertwined. They smelled of sex and lust and sweat. Buffy stared at Spike lovingly as he started to drift off to sleep. She herself, was now restless and attempted to wake her sleeping lover. Buffy soon gave up, Spike was out like a light. She looked at the clock, it was only one am. Slightly peeved by Spike's new lack of stamina, Buffy threw on some clothes and went to stare at the TV for the next four hours. 


	9. Chapter 9

This is Buffy - March 2009  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
"Of course I was in love with you, you moron. Why do you think it hurt so much when you came back from you little safari.well.you were wrong. You weren't Spike anymore. It was killing me. It looked like Spike, talked like Spike, but it wasn't Spike."  
  
"You selfish bitch, is that what you wanna hear? Is that what Spike would have said? That you're spoiled and mean, that you're pushing thirty years old, but you're acting younger than Julia? What do you want me to do? Take your shit and follow you around like a love sick puppy dog like Spike did?"  
  
Buffy could see the anger building within Spike. He never even gave her a chance to cut him off.  
  
"You can't come waltzing in here after six years and continue to blame me for things I can't bloody do anything about. I'm sick of living in that vampire's shadow."  
  
With that Spike threw a fifty on the table and angrily stormed out of the restaurant. Buffy just stared at him as he left. She was confused, she wasn't sure what she should do now. Should she go after him? Should she let him go? Buffy wiped the fresh tears that were streaming down her face. She then decided to take a walk and clear her mind. She wanted to have a game plan before she talked to Spike...er.William.whatever.  
  
***********************  
  
Spike stormed through the alley's and the dark streets of downtown LA. He was so furious with himself for letting the Slayer get to him like that, yet again.  
  
So bloody stubborn. I can't do anything about what I am now. I'm a man, thought that's what she wanted. Then I find out she loved me the way I was from the start. Fucking bitch, sending me through this hell. Why do I even bother to love her, why do I love her? She's rude to me, nasty, short tempered, stubborn, pigheaded, and about a million other horrible things. Cor' - when she smiles at me though. The way she blushes when I touch her. They way she chews on her bottom lip when she's nervous. Those are things worth dying for, mate. She just has to see you love her. She has to see how much she loved you. Get a grip man, you have to find her and tell her. Really tell her. You'll find her, tell her, kiss her, shag the hell out her, and live happily ever after.  
  
After Spike's pep talk he realized he was being a fool, and felt even worse.  
  
Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the headquarters of Angel Investigations. He pondered outside for a moment before venturing up the stairs. He opened the door and walked into the lobby. Sitting behind the counter was the one person who might be able to make sense out of the events of the last decade.  
  
"Cordelia?" Spike spoke, walking slowly toward the brunette.  
  
Cordelia looked up from her desk at the strangely handsome man standing in front of her.  
  
"Will, so good to see you. Been a few weeks, how are you? Are you here to pick up the scrolls that Wesley needed help with?"  
  
"Sure, I can pick those up for you luv. Actually I came to talk to you. Buffy showed up out of nowhere and we had a bit of a tiff. Well, actually, Buffy was being her usual royal bitchiness."  
  
Cordelia chuckled to herself at Spike's colorful description of Buffy's behavior. So true she thought to herself before she spoke to Spike again.  
  
"Come on in, I'll fix us some hot chocolate, with the little marshmallows you like. And then you can pour your heart out to me."  
  
Spike and Cordelia went into the kitchen where they spent the next few hours discussing the bitchiness that is Buffy. 


	10. Chapter 10

Revelations - September -October 2002 Chapter 10  
  
Needless to say the scoobies were flabbergasted by the new and improved Spike, well, actually he just went by William now. As the days passed, Buffy became increasingly apprehensive about the changes in Spike. She learned just how dire things were when they were sparring in the training room one afternoon.  
  
"Ow, Buffy, ease up a little. A bloke can only take so much of an ass kicking before he starts to take it personally."  
  
Spike.uh.William picked himself up off the ground. His mouth was beginning to swell, and there was blood trickling from his lips. His hand reached into his mouth and pulled out one of his wisdom teeth. The one that Buffy had knocked loose with her round house. Buffy just winced as she helped her lover over to the bench. She hadn't really thought about Spike's lack of physical strength. He was still very strong for a human, and until that moment he had kept up with her fairly well. His movements lacked grace though, when they were fighting now, he often reminded her of Riley. He had a human clumsiness to him, the finesse and grace of his motions were gone. Buffy just looked at Spike like he was a stranger before her. She sadly smiled and went to get him some ice, to ease the swelling.  
  
"How you holding up?" Buffy asked, honestly concerned.  
  
"Like a linebacker kicked me in my head." Spike replied honestly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't even think about the strength thing. It was stupid of me not to think about how you can't fight like you used to."  
  
"Hey, I'm some weakly nancy boy poofter, I'll have you know. Just because I can't kick your ass anymore, doesn't mean I'm useless to you now." Spike replied, desperately trying to hold onto some small shred of dignity.  
  
Buffy let a small smile escape from her lips, relieved to finally see a little bit of her smug, cocky vampire return to her.  
  
"First off, you could never kick my ass, ever. And second." she said as she reached for his hand. "You could never be useless to me, even if you tried."  
  
Spike so desperately wanted to kiss her at that moment, but his cheek was the size of a baseball and his mouth was caked with blood. Buffy smiled understandingly and helped him into the main area of the store. Buffy yelled at Xander to go put the poofy suit on so she could beat the crap out of something.  
  
Spike sat at the table and helped Dawn finish up her school work. Dawn was extremely grateful that Spike had been alive during World War I. Writing her paper had been a breeze. Much to Spike's surprise he was also good with Algebra and Chemistry. Dawn was dumbfounded by Spike's newfound intelligence. She reassured herself that he was the same person by how lovingly he acted towards her though.  
  
Anya was at the counter, doing the books for the evening, carefully avoiding Spike's gaze. It had been over four months since their little tryst, but she was still uncomfortable. It wasn't so much that she had sex with Spike, it was that Xander was in the same building and she desperately wanted to make things right. It was hard enough to talk to Xander. Just when things were starting to get back to normal.and then Spike shows up, human as can be. Anya quickly finished the books and took Dawn to get something to eat. Dawn hugged Spike while Anya studiously ignored him. The pair left, and Spike sat there alone while Buffy and Xander finished their workouts.  
  
***********************************  
  
Weeks passed while Buffy tried to figure out what her feelings for Spike were. After some initial discomfort between Xander and Spike, the two actually began to bond. For some odd reason Xander forgave Spike for what he and Anya had done. In Xander's mind it was Anya's fault for betraying him. He could understand why Spike didn't give a shit about his feelings, because of the way Xander had treated him all those years. The two would even venture out to see a Dodger's game on occasion.  
  
Buffy for the most part, was amused by the obviously human changes in him. He didn't steal or cheat anymore. She wasn't sure if it was out of guilt or if it was because he wanted her acceptance. He had a good job and helped Dawn with her school work. He had always loved her, but now it seemed so much more real. He didn't lose his patience quite so quickly. Buffy almost began to trust him once again. Before he had left, their final confrontation had been gruesome, to say the least. She would still have nightmares about it occasionally. They were beginning to subside now that her gentle and loving Spike was sharing her bed. At times he seemed like a stranger. He didn't dress the same. He wore slacks and button down shirts. He looked good to her no matter what, but somehow it wasn't the same. It was odd that he got along with her friends now. And stranger yet, they seemed to like him in return. He was so much more than he was before. Maybe that's why Buffy couldn't figure out why she was less than thrilled about the new "Sensitive Spike."  
  
*****************************  
  
Spike and Buffy were laying in bed together in utter silence. Spike had a peaceful look on his face as he was about to drift off to sleep. Suddenly he felt a small heel in his shin. He jumped a little and rolled groggily over to face his very awake slayer. She looked as if she was completely consumed in lust.  
  
"What is it luv?" Spike asked sleepily.  
  
"Are you tired?"  
  
"Not really, I guess.maybe a little. What's this all about?"  
  
Buffy rolled on top of Spike and started to kiss his neck softly. Spike moaned a little at the feeling of his little Slayer rubbing herself on top of him. She was obviously aroused and she leaned of and hotly whispered into his ear.  
  
"Do you ever miss the games we used to play?"  
  
"What did you have in mind?" Spike asked, the question peaked his curiosity.  
  
"Well, what if you play and evil vampire and I'm your helpless captive. You could wear your old duster and maybe we could get out the handcuffs."  
  
Buffy was becoming more excited by the mere thought of the scenario. Spike on the other hand was a one-eighty.  
  
He shoved Buffy off of him and got out of bed. He was trying to find his clothes so he could get dressed and leave. Buffy just stared at him in shock and disbelief.  
  
"What's wrong baby?" Buffy asked innocently.  
  
Spike just glared at her, a look of contempt covering his face.  
  
"That's funny Buffy. You think this is a game. What, do you miss your evil vampire now? This is why you've been acting so weird, isn't it? What, are you pissed I actually have a job now? That I get along with your friends? Buffy, sweetie, part of me will always be Spike, but I am not the vampire anymore. I'm not the one that killed half of Europe. I'm sorry I'm not as exciting as I once was. But I love you and I am a good man now. I want to be there for you, to take care of you and Dawn."  
  
Spike's voice was filled with uncertainty. He had a sinking feeling that Buffy was about to tell him to fuck off.  
  
Buffy just looked at him. She suddenly felt ashamed for wanting this man who looked and talked like Spike, but wasn't Spike, to be Spike. It was all so confusing. She loved him, but she didn't all at the same time. They had been sleeping together for a little over six weeks and she was just as weirded out now as when she had first kissed him at The Bronze that night. They had been so quick to rush to one another to fill the void. They hardly knew one another now.  
  
"I'm sorry Will, I just need some time. Everything is so confusing. It feels right and it doesn't at the same time."  
  
Buffy just looked at Spike, hoping that he could possibly show some signs of sympathy with her plight. Spike was infuriated and understanding at the same time, if that's at all possible.  
  
"Can never do anything right for you, can I?" Spike started, smiling sadly before he continued. "I love you Buffy. I always will. And I will give you your space. Having me around right now is just confusing you even more."  
  
Spike then got off the bed and put his clothes back on. He leaned over, kissed Buffy on her forehead and left her alone in her room. All alone with all of her haunting thoughts. 


	11. Chapter 11

The Bitch is Back - March 2009  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
Spike and Cordelia were sitting in the large kitchen of the former hotel when Lorne and Angel returned from a case. Angel walked over to Cordelia and softly kissed her lips before getting a bag of blood out of the fridge. Lorne sat down next to William/Spike, feeling his pain.  
  
"I take it the Slayer's back in town." Lorne said simply before Spike or Cordelia could say anything.  
  
"It's all Angel's fault, been getting stuck with his bloody leftovers for over a century now. You better watch out Cordelia, you're next." Spike said, half joking, half just being plain miserable.  
  
"I could think of worse fates." Cordy replied reassuringly, squeezing Spike's shoulder.  
  
"I don't know how you do it, Will my man. You got yourself worked up enough over Buffy that Lorne can read you without you singing a single note. You've always been a strange one." Angel said good naturedly , patting Spike on the back before sitting down next to Cordelia.  
  
"Well, the only thing I know is that the woman I love is driving me insane. It's been six years and she's still pissed because I went out and got human for her before I asked for permission. And now she's threatening to take Jules off to the East Coast. I just don't know what to do." Spike said miserably, covering his face with his hands.  
  
"That's it. Someone has got to talk to Buffy. She's way out of line this time. God Cordy, the woman is almost thirty and she's still acting like this is Buffy's World and we're just her back up players."  
  
Before anyone could respond to Angel's rant he was out the door and in search of Buffy.  
  
***************************  
  
Julia was sound asleep while Buffy and Dawn sat in Spike's living room, waiting for his return. Buffy had told Dawn all about her evening from hell. Dawn was trying to be understanding, but it was difficult for her to be unbiased. She loved Spike unconditionally and it was hard for her to understand why Buffy kept pushing him away. But Buffy was her sister, and she was crying, so Dawn comforted her the best she could.  
  
"Why so I keep doing this?" Buffy managed in between sniffles. "I know that he loves me. And I really do love him, but I just can't let all this stuff go. Why am I so mean to him? Why can't I just love him the way that he needs to be loved?"  
  
"Because you're a scared and frightened little girl. And because the thought of really losing control terrifies you more than anything."  
  
Buffy and Dawn looked up and saw Angel standing there with a stern look on his face. Buffy continued to sniffle while Angel began to speak again.  
  
"Hey, Dawn. Do you think you could give me and your sister a few moments to talk about a few things?"  
  
"Sure Angel. I'll just go check on Julia." Dawn said before disappeared into the bedroom to check on Julia.  
  
Angel sat next to Buffy, placing his hand on her knee. Buffy just looked at him and gave him a sheepish smile. Angel smiled in return.  
  
"Oh, how the times have changed." Angel said, holding Buffy as she weeped. 


	12. Chapter 12

Birth Control - October - December 2002  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Spike did what he promised. He gave Buffy her space. He and Xander still had their Thursday night poker game. He still went to visit Tara's grave. Dawn would come over a couple of times a week to study. Soon the days passed into weeks and he hadn't heard from Buffy. He thought space meant a few days, two weeks absolute tops. Spike was beginning to become seriously worried. Maybe she didn't want him anymore. Spike tried to ease his paranoia by reading and reacquainting himself with some old friends.  
  
Clem was thrilled to see Spike, but that was more because Clem got to keep Spike's old crypt when he found out about Spike doing the human thing. He went up to LA a few times to catch up with Peaches. Well, more to do damage control. Actually, the first thing Angel did when he saw Spike was sucker punched him in the nose and kick him in the gut. Spike pretty much figured he had that coming though. After that the two kept in pretty close touch, having at least one thing in common, Buffy.  
  
Spike patiently waited for Buffy to figure out what it was that she wanted After a month had passed he simply couldn't wait any longer. He talked to Dawn and found out when the Slayer would be home. He brought a bouquet of wild flowers and nervously approached the house on Revello Drive. He walked to the door and gently knocked and waited. Buffy answered. Her eyes were red and puffy, it looked like she had been crying for days. She just looked at him, gave him a haggard smile and invited him in. Spike walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, while Buffy sat on the arm of the oversized chair next to the couch. She just stared at him, like a frightened animal, not sure of how to proceed. Spike proceeded for her.  
  
"I'm sorry to bother you luv. But it's been a month and I know you need your space, but I've missed you. Why have you been crying? It's not because of me is it?" Spike said, not liking the concept of being the reason his pretty little Buffy was obviously so miserable.  
  
"Yes.no.I don't know. Spike, I'm sorry I haven't called. I just found something out about two weeks ago that had confused me. And no one else knows and I'm sick of keeping this secret.I guess you should be the first to know. I'm.uh.well.sorta.pregnant.  
  
Spike just stared at her. Inside he was beaming with pride. He was thrilled he was going to be a father. Then doubt suddenly clouded his mind when he looked upon Buffy's sad face. He knew he should be comforting her, not thinking about baby names. Spike went to Buffy and tried to comfort her. She wasn't even twenty-two yet. In this day and age she seemed so young to be a mother. All the joy he felt left him, and he was furious with himself.  
  
He never worried about any sort of protection. Hell, he had never even been with a women when he had been alive. He vaguely remembered seeing condom commercials on TV, but in all honesty he wouldn't have known what to do with one. That was always one of the perks of being undead, sterile and STD free. He hadn't even been back for three months yet and he had already fucked up royally. He had been daft enough to have assumed that Buffy had taken care of that end of things. He knew there were shots and pills women could take to keep from having children, but why would Buffy have had to even worry about that? Spike had been her only lover in over two years and up until a few months ago his seed had been as dead as him. He knew nothing about pregnancy or babies. Suddenly the furry left him and he was now frightened. He just held Buffy for a few moments before he could think of anything to say.  
  
"You want to keep it, don't you?" Spike asked hopefully.  
  
"I don't know." Buffy replied honestly in between sobs. "Part of me thinks that I would be selfish for bringing a child into this fucked up world. And part of me wants this child like nothing else in this world."  
  
That was good enough for Spike.  
  
"I want this baby, pet. I want us to be a family. I'll take care of you." Spike said, trying to comfort her.  
  
Buffy was relieved that Spike was there for her, but she was terrified of becoming too dependent on him.  
  
*******************************  
  
Spike was moved in by the end of the week and Dawn was thrilled. There was finally a man in the house. It seemed silly, but she felt safer. The fact that he was sexy and British greatly helped his welcoming in her eyes. Spike was like Superman when it came to domestic chores. He had gone to Borders and cleaned their baby section out, seeing how he knew absolutely nothing about babies. He read about how Buffy's hormones would change, what kind of foods she needed to eat, how much exercise was too much, and a vast range of other topics He became fascinated with the changes that Buffy was going through. Perhaps for the first time, he was truly realizing what it was like to be human again. He truly was Buffy's care taker. He made sure that either he, Xander, or Clem went patrolling with her. He worked daily on the baby's room, while adding an addition onto the back of the house, just in case Willow came home.  
  
The weeks were a whirlwind for Buffy. Between Spike moving in, having a life growing inside of her, having a baby sitter go on patrol with her, and having absolutely no privacy, she was beginning to lose her nerves. She was rarely alone and Spike was always keeping her busy. She just really wanted to be left alone for a little bit, and she wanted to have the option of doing nothing, if she wanted. Spike had managed to drive Buffy into near suffocation in a few short weeks. Hell, he was following her to the bathroom. She was barely through her first trimester and Spike was ready to put her on bed rest for the next six months. The only thing that she had left, that was still enjoyable was the sex, and even that was almost too infrequent. Spike was driving her insane. He was now so perfect, so patient, so kind, so decent that Buffy has sunk to picking fights with him. Just for a glimpse of what he once was.  
  
********************************  
  
Spike maybe human now, but he had picked up that Buffy seemed like she was ready to throttle him. He just couldn't figure out why, he was everything thing she wanted now. He discussed his concerns with Xander one night.  
  
"So, former deadboy junior, what's the problem? You look about as miserable as I am." Xander inquired.  
  
"Yeah, well Buffy's been a real bitch lately and I don't think it's just the hormones. She's been shutting me out, being real avoidy as you scoobies would put it."  
  
"Well, she doesn't want to become too dependent on you again. She already made that mistake once and you took off on her. What's to say you won't leave her again? I'm sure part of it is she feels like she's losing control in her life."  
  
"I guess I never saw it that way. She has to know how much I love her. I don't want to run her life, I don't want to leave her, I just want to be part of her." Spike replied.  
  
"Maybe you need to just tell her that."  
  
After that the two men made small talk for about an hour or so before they went their separate ways for the evening. Spike spent most of the night walking around town, pondering his next move. He tried to stick to the main drag, knowing that the undead population of Sunnydale usually avoided it. It was quickly approaching dawn before it dawned on him. It was the one thing he hadn't thought about. The one thing to make sure Buffy knew he wasn't going to leave her. 


	13. Chapter 13

Playing the Idiot - March 2009 Chapter Thirteen  
  
"Angel.what the hell are you doing here?" Buffy asked, drying her eyes.  
  
Angel just calmly sat next to Buffy on the couch and gently held her hand. Buffy just stared at him.stunned.  
  
"Buffy, I'm going to tell you something that you are really not going to want to hear. But you need to hear it." Angel started.  
  
"What?" Buffy simply asked.  
  
"Buffy you are so wrong, about everything. Spike loves you and you love him. There was a time when that would have troubled me, but I see how truly perfect you are together and it makes the pain easier. I'm not going to lie and say I don't care about you anymore, because I do. But I also know that we have both moved on. What I'm telling you is for your own good."  
  
Buffy just stared at Angel. It had been so long that she had thought of anyone other than Spike, that she was having trouble remembering what it was like to be in love with the tall, brooding vampire anymore.  
  
"You don't have to be the one in control all the time. You need someone that is there for you, but someone that won't let you lean on them too far. I know that Spike made some mistakes in the past, but you didn't even talk to him about it. You simply shunned him for loving you too much. You need someone that will put you in your place, who will love you unconditionally. Someone to help you fight the good fight. Why can't you simply swallow your pride and go to him. He's miserable without you, and you are just as miserable without him. Please, just go to him. So much time as been wasted already and you two aren't going to live forever."  
  
"I'm an idiot, aren't I? All this time I've been so quick to blame Spike for everything, when it was just as much my fault as his. God help us, we were truly made for one another. Both of us have been too stubborn to admit our faults and move on from there." Buffy replied.  
  
"You may be an idiot, but we all still love you."  
  
Buffy and Angel held each other in a friendly embrace for a few moments before Buffy dashed out the door in order to find Spike. 


	14. Chapter 14

The Proposal - December-June 2002/2003 Chapter Fourteen  
  
Spike walked into the Summer's home at around 10 am. He silently walked up the stairs to find Buffy sleeping in what was now their bed. He looked at her lovingly before he gently pushed her awake. Buffy opened her big green eyes and stared into his hauntingly dark blue ones. She quietly yawned and sat up in bed. Spike knelt on the floor next to the bed and held Buffy's hand.  
  
"Buffy," he began. "I love you and I never want to do anything to hurt you ever again. I want you to know that I will never leave you. You are my world, and I want you to feel comfortable in it. I want our baby to have the kind of loving home that neither one us ever got to fully enjoy. I want us to be a family and I want to spend an eternity with you. Buffy Anne Summers, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"  
  
With that Spike pulled out a small purple velvet box that contained a two carat princess cut diamond with a platinum band. Spike's hand shook involuntarily as he presented the ring to his lover. Buffy just stared at him in disbelief. She took the ring from him and just stared at it. It's so sparkly was her reaction. Buffy allowed a few tears to run down her pretty face, which Spike took as a good sign. He rose from the floor to sit next to Buffy and attempted to place the ring on Buffy's finger. She immediately backed away. She then looked at Spike through horrified eyes.  
  
"I can't, we can't, it's too fast. Not sure how I feel." Buffy practically started to hyperventilate as she attempted to finish her sentence.  
  
Spike just looked at her like she has just ripped out his still beating heart.  
  
"What do you mean it's too fast? We've been dancing around this for five bloody years woman. We love each other, I can feel it, even if you don't want to admit it. And even if you don't, please let me help to take care of you."  
  
For some unknown reason, or it could have been her permanent case of PMS, Buffy snapped. She just stared at Spike, hurt and anger filled her eyes as she spoke.  
  
"Spike, William, I'm not sure if I love you. I'm not sure if I ever loved you, and if I did, I'm not sure if I love you anymore. Right now, I'm not sure if I even like you. Above all else, I do not need you, or anyone else to take care of me. I need some space, and God damn it - you are not giving it to me. You smother me, like I'm some fragile little girl. Just back the fuck off Spike. Jesus, did you actually think if we got married that everything would be OK? For some one as old as you, you can be pretty fucking stupid if the occasion is right."  
  
Buffy shoved Spike out of her room, shoved him down the stairs, and shoved him out the front door onto the porch.  
  
"Just stay out of my way Spike. I think you've done more than enough already." Buffy finished coldly as she closed the door.  
  
Spike just stared at her door, much like the first time he had been de- invited. He was unable to move. He felt as if he had been slammed against a brick wall. Spike stood there a few moments longer before he threw his hands up in the air as a sign of defeat. There was nothing else for him, nothing more he could do, except to drown his sorrows in a nice bottle of bourbon.  
  
Buffy braced herself against the door. She could still feel him on the other side. Tears were streaming freely down her face. She had been so cruel, she knew part of her still loved him, would always love him. Things were for the best this way though. She calmly wiped the tears from her face and retreated back to her bedroom, where she spent the remainder of the day crying for her lost love. The Spike she knew was now forever dead to her.  
  
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The lines of communication between Buffy and Spike became increasingly worse. Spike tried in vain to contact Buffy a few times to no avail. After Buffy told him to "fuck off or I'll call the police" the last time, he knew that things were going to be dirty from that moment on. He spent a lot of his free time talking to lawyers, attempting to find out if he could get custody. He never took the legal action though, always hoping that his Slayer would see the error of her ways. Buffy was stubborn though, and she never did see what the silent treatment was doing to Spike.  
  
Xander and Dawn would stop by Spike's on occasion and give him reports on the pregnancy. Xander would go on about how Buffy glowed more and more every day. Dawn on the other hand, informed Spike that Buffy was being a bigger bee-otch than usual. Spike would chuckle slightly at that and the two would sit on the couch with their hot chocolate and talk for hours about everything and nothing. Dawn felt horrible about how Buffy treated Spike, and tried to make up for everything the best she could. And the more time she spent with Spike, the more she started to fall for him. Things had progressed far beyond teenage crush in her eyes. To her, Spike was everything - vamp or no vamp. It got so bad that Dawn refused to sympathize with Buffy at all anymore, and she finally confronted her about it.  
  
**************************  
  
Buffy was sitting uncomfortably in her rocking chair that Xander had made for her. She had been trying to rest; her feet were sore and swollen. She sat there and rocked, silently cursing Spike for doing this to her. And the next moment she was weeping because he wasn't there to comfort her.  
  
Dawn walked in and saw her sister in her rocker, crying. She sat on Buffy's bed for awhile and just looked at her sister. Buffy finally began to dry her tears and solemnly looked at Dawn.  
  
"You OK?" Dawn asked sincerely.  
  
"Yeah, you know, hormones." Buffy lied, smiling sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, hormones." Dawn said before continuing. "Buffy, we need to talk. And you really are not going to like what I have to say."  
  
"What is it Dawn?" Buffy asked, suddenly concerned.  
  
Cutting to the chase, not wanting to beat around the bush, Dawn simply stated;  
  
"Buffy, you are going to let Spike see his child."  
  
"I don't have to do anything. Spike is no longer either of our concern." Buffy replied much more smugly than she felt at that moment.  
  
"That's where you are wrong big sister." Dawn replied in the most threatening voice she could muster. "You see, Spike has been talking to lawyers over the last few months. And they told him that he has a pretty good case. They said there was about a 90% chance that Spike could get sole custody if he really wanted to. Spike has a better job, more free time than you, and a spotless police record, unlike you. If he really wanted, he could play very dirty."  
  
"Well, if dear old Spike has this much power, why doesn't he use it then?" Buffy asked, only letting the slightest bit of fear show through.  
  
"There is no way you are this clueless. Spike is so in love with you, it's sickening really. He worships you and wants to take care of you. He doesn't want to hurt you, but this is his last resort. If you don't work something out, he will take you to court."  
  
Buffy just stared blankly at her younger sister, knowing that she was defeated.  
  
"Give me a few days to think about it." Buffy said simply to Dawn.  
  
Dawn left Buffy alone to be with her thoughts and returned to Spike to let him know of the new developments.  
  
*******************************  
  
Buffy thought very carefully about her choices. And neither were promising. As much as she wanted Spike out of her life (well, that's what she told herself anyway), and as much as she wanted to start over, she knew that Dawn was right, and Spike would win.  
  
That evening Buffy called Dawn into her bedroom to lay out the conditions to her agreement.  
  
"Dawn, I want you to make sure you tell Spike I don't like to be blackmailed like this. But it seems like I don't have much of a choice here. First, I don't want to talk to, look at, or hear about Spike. You will take care of all the Spike-related areas. Spike will get visiting rights every other weekend, two weeks during the summer, and every other holiday. Spike will put $150 a week into my checking account to cover expenses for the baby. If Spike can agree to these terms, we have a deal"  
  
Dawn looked upon her sister with cold eyes before making her way to Spike's place. Buffy had been pretty unreasonable, but Dawn knew that Spike would accept her conditions. Because at this point, something was better than nothing. The entire way over there Dawn tried to figure out how things got so out of hand. She could still see that Buffy was in love with Spike, she just couldn't figure out why Buffy was doing what she was doing. Dawn had made up her mind though, if she had to choose between Spike and Buffy, she was on Spike's one hundred percent.  
  
Dawn told Spike about Buffy's conditions and Spike took it surprisingly well. He kept telling himself that she would come around, she would eventually warm up to him. She was pregnant, she was scared, her hormones were all out of whack. Spike used any excuse he could think of, except that one where Buffy really didn't want him in her live anymore.  
  
************************************  
  
Preparations were made and Spike took care of everything. He was careful not to "accidentally" run into Buffy anywhere. He was going to wait for her to come crawling back to him, even though he tailed her every night she went on patrol with Xander. He was pissed, and hurt, and he was sick of being the whipped little puppy dog. He saw Dawn most days, and it was getting to the point where he started to feel midly uncomfortable around the lil' bit. He noticed the way she looked longingly at him, he wasn't completely daft. Dawn had recently traded her jeans and fuzzy sweaters in for low cut sweaters that she wore with either very tight pants or short skirts. She looked a lot like a little Buffy he would think at times.  
  
But he would almost immediately push the thought out of his head, because most of the time it would lead to more perverted thoughts. Buffy didn't want anything to do with Spike, but she might make an exception and kick his ass if he so much as looked at Dawn the wrong way. Not that he would ever touch her, even if she threw herself at him. True, she was almost seventeen, but he just didn't feel that way about her. She was turning into a beautiful young woman, but she was still the Slayer's kid sister to him. The attention was flattering all the same. Aside from Dawns seemingly constant affections, and he and Xander's weekend drinking binges he was pretty much all alone. His thoughts often drifted off to Buffy though, and he would weep silently, cursing himself for his mortality.  
  
***************************  
  
Buffy was about to burst. She was due any day. She was one of those cute little pregnant women with her basketball belly. Buffy didn't feel very cute though. Everyday she cursed Spike as she swung her swollen feet out of bed and stretched her aching back. She would waddle through her daily chores and spent a majority of her day being bored out of her mind. She had been on maternity leave for a couple of weeks. Dawn baby-sat during the day and both Xander and Anya worked all day. Buffy was alone most of the time. She would mindlessly flip through the channels trying not to debate with herself on whether or not she did the right thing. Maybe she should have cut Spike some slack. He did have good intentions. Buffy knew as soon as she gave him a crumb that he would want a whole damn cake though. And it would start all over again. Not speaking to him was for the best. Things were better this way; she would try to convince herself.  
  
While Buffy was in the middle of one of her inner rants, her water broke. 


	15. Chapter 15

Violations - March 2009 Chapter Fifteen  
  
Buffy dashed out the door in search of Spike. She couldn't believe how much time she had wasted by denying her feelings for him. Spike was who she wanted, he was the man that she needed. She reminisced of the light touches, passionate kisses, and stolen glances as she roamed the streets of downtown LA. She couldn't believe how blind she had been and how Angel had snapped her out of her selfish little Buffy Land. Part of her would always love Angel, he was her first true love, but she had come to realize that he had always been more of her guardian than anything. He knew what was best for her, regardless of whether she knew that at the time or not. Spike was her equal. For all his age and knowledge, they were on the same page. Especially in his human form, he was going through everything for the first time.  
  
There were so many things she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him. She didn't want to waste anymore time. Buffy thought about what their life together was going to be like. She wanted them to finally get married. She wanted more children. She wouldn't have to work two jobs, she would have more time to spend with Julia. No more sleeping alone. There would be someone there to love her, she would have someone to love. It was almost as if this dark cloud had been lifted, everything seemed to clear to her now.  
  
She followed the route that she figured that Spike would take home from Angel Investigations. She was deliriously happy about what her future had in store for her.  
  
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Spike began to make his way back home. It was almost 3 am and he felt like a lousy parent. He had left Jules with Dawn all night. He wasn't sure what Angel had said to Buffy, and honestly he was to the point that he didn't care anymore. He loved Buffy with all his heart, but he wasn't sure if he could play this emotional tug of war anymore. It was impossibly draining to him in his mortal form. He wasn't sure how much longer he could handle this mortality. He thought about dying on a daily basis. It frightened him. He had been on this earth for the last hundred and fifty years in one form or another. He was not looking forward to giving it up. Buffy, Dawn, and Julia were the only things keeping him here, and Buffy was the only one that couldn't accept him the way that he was before. It was times like this, when he felt vulnerable and weak, where he missed his fangs and fists approach to things. He was sick and tired of being weak. He was tired of everything.  
  
Spike was too busy in his own world of self pity to notice the three vamps that were trailing him. Overall the bunch was rather pathetic. Two were obviously fledglings, most likely not even out of the ground for two weeks. The leader was dressed circa 1983, so if Spike had still been Spike, the vamp trio would have been dust within a matter of moments. The group was obviously new to the area. Most of the vamps around town knew who Spike was, and left him alone. Even though he was human now, he was still protected by the Slayer and Angel with his rogue group demon hunters.  
  
Spike was no threat to them anymore, so most of the vamps and other demons let him be, just to avoid the wrath of the soulled vampire, or worse yet, the Slayer. The trio of rejects stalking the lean man had no idea who he was, or they simply didn't care and were deeply stupid. Two of them didn't, anyway.  
  
The trio quickened their pace to catch up with Spike and started to be needlessly noisy, wanting to scare their pray. Spike heard the commotion and quickened his steps. The noises were growing louder as Spike broke into a run. The vamps began to move more quickly, liking the chase that Spike was putting up. Spike soon faced a chain link fence and struggled to climb over it. The vampires were hot on his trail. Just as Spike climbed over the top and dropped to the bottom the trio practically jumped over the fence and were fast to close in. Spike saw he was losing ground. Thinking fast he ripped off his T-shirt in the dirty, rat infested alley. Spike then grabbed a broken piece of wood and wrapped the now haggard shirt around it. The vamps were a mere twenty feet away from him, and closing in. Spike dug through his pockets and found his lucky Zippo. Even though he had quit smoking about five years ago, he still carried it out of habit. He was thankful for that habit at this moment. With his ghetto rigged torch, he quickly lit it and mentally figured out which of the vamps was the slowest, therefore making it the best target. Spike tried to warn the trio off.  
  
"Come on mates, I'll let this slip by and not kill you all if you wanna play nice, and run along on your merry way. Don't really want to fuck with William the Bloody, do you?" Spike said, more trying to convince himself, than his attackers.  
  
The leaders eyes brightened with acknowledgment of the man standing before him. He let out a surprisingly soft laugh given his size. His minions looked at him in bewilderment.  
  
"William the Bloody. Spike. The slayer of Slayers, the scourge of Europe. It looks like him, talks like him, sure as hell doesn't smell like him though. You smell human to me, you smell like dinner." The head vampire said, running his tongue over his razor sharp teeth.  
  
"Had a bit of a curse put on me, I'm afraid. I'm telling you for the last time to back the fuck off before I get mid-evil on your ass. I'll let the entire demon world know that a human kicked your ass from here to Philly. Bunch of dress wearing nancy boys."  
  
Instead of dignifying Spike with an answer, the vamps simply charged at Spike. Spike quickly threw his torch at the smallest of the group. The poor bastard lit up like a Christmas Tree and within a blink of an eye was dust. The remaining two came at him in full force. Spike swung his right fist around and connected solidly with the other minion's jaw. His assailant fell to the ground. Spike quickly whipped a stake out of his pants and staked the minion, while it was still dazed. This just left the leader to deal with now.  
  
Now the head vampire with the tacky 80's attire and Spike faced off. Spike was starting to feel pretty good about his chances of coming out of this unscathed. They faced off and the fists started to fly. Just as Spike began to think he was going to win, the vamp pulled out a knife, slashing it across Spike's bare chest. The blood started to flow from the wound and Spike dropped to his knees, clutching his chest to slow down the bleeding. The vampire kneeled in front of Spike and quickly pinned Spike arms behind his back. Spike attempted to protest. The vampire lowered his head and began to lap the blood off Spike's chest. At that moment Spike felt violated in the worst way possible. He felt his body tense and a wave of nausea passed over him. The vampire slowly made his way to Spike's neck which he nipped at with blunt teeth before he sunk in with his razor sharp fangs.  
  
Spike saw his life pass before his eyes before everything went dark. 


	16. Chapter 16

Sticky Fingers - June 2003  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
Buffy was rushed to the ER of the hospital with Xander and Dawn right behind her. Her contractions were close together and the doctors reassured Buffy that her labor was going very well. In a matter of hours she would be holding a beautiful baby girl. Buffy and Dawn went to Buffy's room, while Xander stayed behind to call Spike. Things went by seemingly quickly and within a matter of hours Buffy was holding her beautiful Julia. Spike waited patiently downstairs, chain smoking, anxious to hear about the progress. Xander finally came down to tell him everything went find, and that Julia was in the nursery. Buffy was sound asleep.  
  
"Julia, that's a pretty name." Spike mused when Xander told him the name of his little girl.  
  
"Congrats man, you are a father." Xander said to Spike.  
  
"Thanks mate, why don't I feel like one?"  
  
"Cheer up, she'll come around. You know how Buffy is. She has to be so damn stubborn all of the time. She'll come around and you two will live happily ever after, as Dawn would say."  
  
"Whatever, as Dawn would also say." Spike simply replied.  
  
And with that, the two walked back into the hospital to see Spike's new baby girl. It broke Spike's heart when he saw his little girl for the first time. He had wanted to hold her so much, but he couldn't. Holding Julia would mean that someone would have to wake Buffy up. Waking Buffy up would mean Buffy and Spike having a confrontation. The confrontation would ruin the first true moment of peace Spike had had in months. So Spike contentedly sat on the bench facing the nursery and patiently waited for Buffy to wake up, so he could hold his little princess. He and Xander decided to grab some breakfast and left Buffy and Julia to their beauty rest.  
  
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Buffy and Julia came home after a few days and Buffy was overjoyed. Her maternal instincts were in overdrive, due to her slayeryness. Everyone helped out and within a couple of weeks things seemed like they were going back to normal. No one seemed to notice that Spike had only seen his daughter once, at the hospital, over three weeks ago. That is, until he showed up on the Summer's door step on a bright Saturday afternoon.  
  
"Hello, Dawn." Spike said when Dawn opened the door.  
  
"Oh my God, Spike. I'm so sorry, it's been so hectic. I was supposed to call you. I was supposed to bring her over last night. I've been trying to help Xander finish my room. Please, come in. I'll get the baby's stuff. You want me to come over? We can order in, catch up?"  
  
Spike chuckled a little. Only Dawn could start a sentence in pure panic and finish it by schmoozing her way into an invite over to his place.  
  
"S'alright bite size. I figured that's what happened. Just was going to save you the trip. I'd love it if you came over, could you use the company." Spike replied as he stepped into the Summer's home.  
  
The entire place smelled of vanilla, raspberries, and baby powder. It was a surprisingly nice combination. Dawn came down with three week old Julia and handed the baby to Spike. This was the first time he had actually held his daughter and love so powerful washed over him that he didn't think he would ever be able to let her go. She was precious to him. The child had curly blonde tufts of hair over her mostly bald head. She yawned and that was when he saw it. When she opened her eyes, he had his own eyes staring right back at him. He knew there was a chance her eyes would change colors, but somehow he just knew those were his eyes looking up at him. The emotions were almost overpowering to him. This is what love at first sight is, he mused to himself as he held his child.  
  
Dawn just looked at the pair and smiled. It was obvious that Spike was smitten with the little girl. That made Dawn happy, she just wished that Buffy was here to see this. Dawn was sure that if Buffy could see how much Spike loved this girl, she would soften a little.  
  
The pair loaded up all the baby's stuff in Spike's black Toyota 4-runners and headed toward his place.  
  
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Buffy was walking home from work. Her new job at the bank sucked. Handling all of that money and not being able to take any of it home was depressing. It would kill Anya, she thought to herself. But it wasn't as depressing as flipping burgers. So Buffy could deal pretty well. Her thoughts began to drift toward Spike. She didn't want to admit to it, but she missed him. She really did want Julia to have her father around more often. But, Buffy had never been big on the apology thing. She was trying to find an excuse to see Spike and talk to him without having him know that she missed him and wanted him back in her life. She couldn't figure out how things had gotten so out of hand. Yeah, he was being a little too invasive, but per usual, he meant well. It just seemed like they had gone through too much to just call it quits over a few trivial things.  
  
Buffy got home about an hour after Dawn, Spike, and Julia had left. She read the note Dawn had left on the refrigerator. She thought about the prospect of spending the night alone and decided that maybe she should just swallow her pride and go over there. As luck would have it, Dawn had forgot to pack Julia's diaper rash cream. Buffy smiled inwardly as she went up to take a shower.  
  
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Dawn and Spike were in the kitchen making malts. Julia had pooped out about an hour after they got back to his place. They had eaten their Chinese, and both were having a double chocolate kind of craving. The kitchen was a complete mess between the malt powder all over the place, the syrup that had been knocked over, and the ice cream dripping all over from the scoop. Somehow Spike had managed to get the malt powder in his now dirty blonde locks. Dawn giggled at the sight.  
  
"God Spike, could you imagine it if Dru popped in here right now? She'd be all like 'Spoike, Miss Edith said you were playing house with the bad slayer's little key sister' and the then she go on about the stars and a king's picnic. I have to give it to you. You are very patient when it comes to your women." Dawn said.  
  
Spike grinned at Dawn's impersonation of Drusilla. He was past the point of getting defensive about his former lover's mental capacity. He looked at Dawn lovingly, and ruffled her hair.  
  
"Duh." Spike said mockingly. "Have to be patient to put up with that sister of yours."  
  
"Tell me about it, she's driving me nuts. She's all bad moody, and she looks like she's going to cry whenever Xander and I bring you up. I try to be like you and understand, but it's so bloody hard." Dawn replied.  
  
"She's got it rough, she'll pull through, she always does. And stop using English curses; don't want Julia around any of that." Spike finished.  
  
Dawn looked as Spike wantonly. She couldn't figure out why Buffy wouldn't want Spike. He was smart, and patient, and sensitive, and the few times she's seen him without a shirt was damn near heaven. She started to scoop the ice cream and the other contents in the blender. She turned it on, not realizing that the pitcher wasn't securely in place. Ice cream went flying all over the kitchen, including all over Dawn and Spike. The two laughed hysterically at how ridiculous they both looked.  
  
"Ew, I'm all sticky." Dawn whined.  
  
"Me too. Hey, I'll get you a T-shirt and some boxers. You can go take a shower and I'll go put your clothes in the washer." Spike replied, grinning at the look on the girl's face.  
  
Spike pulled his shirt off in one easy movement and used it to mop up some of the chocolately goodness that was all over his white kitchen. Dawn attempted to wipe the drool running down her chin, but was far too embarrassed by the thought of Spike catching her ogling. She quickly ran to take a shower, while Spike cleaned the kitchen and threw all of their clothes into the washer.  
  
Dawn emerged from the shower with a huge towel wrapped around her and Spike went to get into the shower. She went into his bedroom and quickly got dressed. It was one of his old black T-shirts and it still smelled like the old him. Booze and smokes. She smiled and went into the living room to wait for her fake vampire.  
  
*****************************  
  
Buffy had gotten out of the shower and was rummaging through her closet for something that was sexy, casual, but not too stuffy or too slutty. She wasn't sure why, but that damn vampire always got to her, even if he wasn't a vampire anymore. She quickly dressed in a pair of faded boot cut jeans and red tank top. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail, grabbed her house keys. She was just happy that Spike's place was only about a twenty minute walk from her house.  
  
*************************************  
  
Spike came out of the shower in a pair of sweats, and nothing else. He usually took extremely hot showers, and he didn't like the way shirts stuck to him when he tried to put them on in the bathroom. He'd put one on in a minute. He went to the back room to check on Julia, she was still out like a light. He went back out to the living room and found Dawn curled up on the couch, watching a movie.  
  
"What are you watching?" Spike asked the lithe teenager.  
  
"Austin Powers, the second one. The first one totally sucked." Dawn replied.  
  
"Silly movies, if you ask me. The original James Bond is corny enough without making fun of them."  
  
"You are insane. Mini-me is awesome."  
  
"Whatever." Was the only reply that Spike could come up with.  
  
With that, Dawn launched one of the couch pillows at Spike's head.  
  
"That's it little girl, you are going down." Spike growled in mock anger.  
  
The two swung the pillows back and forth for the next fifteen minutes or so, before Spike collapsed on the couch, exhausted. Somehow, through Dawn's strategic design, she landed on top of Spike, straddling him. Spike looked up in her eyes. Cor, she was beautiful, and that was definitely lust in her eyes, but he was not going to be the one to give into her. He held her by her waist, trying to steady her from making the grinding motions she was making against him.  
  
"Bit, just what do you think you're doing?" Spike asked in a serious tone.  
  
"I think I love you Spike. I know I do. Being this close to you feels right. Please let me touch you?" Dawn replied lustily.  
  
He just stared at the girl. Part of it found it amusing that while Buffy wanted nothing to do with him, the younger Summers, the illegal Summers, wanted him more than he wanted to know about. Before he could remove the girl from his lap, Dawn moved in for a searing kissing. Before he knew it, her tongue was invading his mouth, probing and exploring. The entire scenario shocked him. He couldn't move quickly enough. He was so shocked by her actions. Before he snapped back to reality, he heard a voice that made his blood run cold.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing with my sister?" Buffy asked, he voice fuming with anger, betrayal, and hurt. 


	17. Chapter 17

The Zippo - March 2009  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
Buffy frantically searched the streets of LA. It had been over five hours since she had seen Spike, and she was beginning to become worried. She knew that Spike could handle himself OK, but her slayer sense was going into overdrive. So many things had happened, she just wanted to find him and tell him that she understood. She was running out of places to look, and she wasn't very familiar with the city. She finally called Angel to get some help.  
  
"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless." Cordelia politely answered the phone.  
  
"Cordy, it's me. Is Angel there? I can't find Spike anywhere, and he hasn't come home yet."  
  
"Chill Slayer. Are you sure he isn't somewhere letting off a little steam? I mean after how you treated him, yet again, I wouldn't be surprised if."  
  
"Cordelia, shut the hell up. Spike wouldn't just leave Jules with Dawn while he went and got trashed. Where is Angel?" Buffy was quickly losing her patience.  
  
"Good point, Buff. I'll find Angel for you." Cordelia curtly replied.  
  
After a few moments Angel answered his line to a very frantic Buffy.  
  
"Yeah, you there? What's wrong?" Angel asked, genuinely concerned.  
  
"I can't find Spike, anywhere. I've been looking for hours. I keep calling the apartment, but Dawn hasn't heard anything from him. He wouldn't just leave Jules. I know he hates me, but he wouldn't just leave her like that." Buffy managed to say, the panic building in her voice.  
  
"It's OK Buffy, I understand why you're worried. I'll get Gunn, Lorne, and Wesley and we'll look around, see what we can find out." Angel responded.  
  
Buffy was about answer, but on the ground, she saw a silver object. A silver Zippo that had Spike scratched into the casing. There was blood everywhere; it looked like a scene from a horror movie. She found the burned remnants of the T-shirt he was wearing when she last saw him. She looked down the alley that was a trail of blood. It looked as if a body had been dragged through there.  
  
"Buffy? Buffy? You still there?" Angel called into the phone.  
  
"Oh my God. Angel, I think Spike might be dead. You have to come here, quick." Buffy screamed into the phone.  
  
Angel became worried. A million different scenarios went through his mind at that moment and none of them ended well. He finally said the only thing he could say to the panicked slayer.  
  
"Buffy, stay where you are. We'll examine the scene when we get there." Angel said, wincing at the use of the word 'scene'.  
  
********************************  
  
Spike woke up with a hazy feeling of nausea. He opened his blurry eyes and it took him a moment to fully understand his surroundings. He was in an abandoned ware house, a pretty typical haunting place for vampires. He was sore all over. He looked down at his blood caked chest. He felt weak; the vampire that captured him didn't even bother to tie Spike up, knowing he was too weak to stand up, let alone think about escaping. Spike lay there for a few moments, trying to loosen the screaming muscles in his legs. Soon his captor entered the small room that Spike was in.  
  
"How long you been a vamp man? You know better than to bring home doggie bags." Spike started weakly.  
  
"I have been big plans for you William the Bloody." The vamp answered, studiously ignoring Spike's ribbing.  
  
"You know my name, it's only fair that I know yours." Spike said.  
  
"Name's Nick. Sorry for being so rude." Nick cordially put his hand down for Spike to shake.  
  
Spike was thinking 'what the hell, might as well play along and stall him' as he shook the vampire's hand.  
  
"So what are these big plans that you have in store for me? I hope you aren't going to use me as bait for the Slayer, she doesn't give a flying fuck about me one way or the other."  
  
"Somehow I doubt that. My sources say that she and the soulled vampire have been looking for you all night. I have a totally kick ass plan though. You are going to love it."  
  
"You have got to be kidding me. It looks as if you have problems tying your shoes, let alone coming up with a plan." Spike would have laughed, but his ribs were seriously objecting to that. "How old are you anyway? Twenty? Twenty-five?"  
  
"Hey, I take offense to that. I'm a hundred and fifty-three. I just wear this get up so no one catches on that I'm as old as I am. Hard to get work in the underworld when you are over qualified for everything. You see, when I was turned, the slut that did it, mucked it up pretty bad. Don't have much more strength than a minion. I don't have the insight of a master vampire. I know things though. I know that you are my key to becoming powerful."  
  
"How you figure that Nickie? I'm human now. I'm nothing in the underworld. Probably would have been dinner by know if it weren't for Peaches and the Slayer looking out for me. I can't help you. So either kill me or let me go." Spike had an inkling of where the disco king was getting at, and he didn't like it one bit.  
  
"You aren't going to be human for long. You see, this is totally the best part. Most of the demon world doesn't even know that you're human now. Hell, a lot of them think that you and Drusilla reconciled and are down in Brazil or some shit like that. It was sheer luck that I found you at all. I've had some of minions following around the Slayer's kid sister for the past few years. Actually have some pictures of you and her in some pretty compromising situations. It took some work, but we found you. And we found you're little girl. Cute as a button, that girl is. She would make a nice afternoon snack."  
  
"You stay the hell away from all of them. I'll tear you apart if you even so much as think about touching my daughter, or any of my girls." Spike was pissed now. He didn't care how much pain he was in. The thought of anyone harming Julia or Dawn sent his blood boiling.  
  
"Don't worry. It's not like the kid is some part of some freaky prophecy. It's nothing like that. You are the only one I want. I don't even care about your precious Buffy. I just want some respect, same as any other vamp. I've done some research, because there aren't a whole lot of vampire's turning into humans. A few, but not many. I checked into it though. You see, if I turn you back, you get the same demon. You'll be the same old Spike. And I'm going to make you strong. When people find out that Spike is working for me, I'm going to be the man."  
  
"Uh, genius. Don't mean to spoil the plotting or anything. Lord knows I've done enough of it myself. The demon world hates me. I turned my back on them. I killed them, for love and all that poofter rot. I didn't get money or fame for doing it. You take up with the likes of me and you'll be on the ten most wanted list, same as me."  
  
"I have a few friends. There's one you might be interested in. Goes by the name of Drusilla. She said if I can get you back, the way you used to be, before any of that slayer nonsense that she would spread it around that you were kidnapped and there was a spell cast on you. It was like you had to help out the Powers or something."  
  
"Seems like you have thought of everything." Spike said miserably. "You know that I loved Buffy without a soul. I chose to love her. My demon loved her too. She was all of me. You turn me, and I'll be just like I was before. Completely pussy whipped over the slayer and her little band of friends. So go ahead and bloody turn me. It won't make a difference. Come to find out that Buffy liked me better that way anyway."  
  
"I thought of that too. I've had five years to plan this gem out. You're demon has been trapped in limbo for the last six years. It's pissed. You are going to be a slave to the blood lust for at least six months to a year after I turn you. You will do whatever I tell you to do. You are fucked six ways from Sunday my friend. I'm not a total prick though. Thought I'd let you watch one last sunrise before I turn you."  
  
Nick propped Spike on one of the abandoned office chairs and tied him to it. He then rolled him over to the dock door and opened it. On the outside was the dusk. The rolling fields. The ocean in the distance. It was exquisite in first light of day. Nick left him there, he almost felt bad for Spike. He remembered what it was like to miss the sun. He still missed it from time to time. He figured it was the least he could do. Honestly, for a vampire, Nick wasn't that bad of a guy.  
  
Spike stared at the orange ball rising in the sky. A look of defeat crossed his face. Everything he had fought for was gone. He knew Nick was right. His demon was probably a might pissed right now. He just hoped that Angel found him first and staked him on sight. He didn't want Buffy to have to do it. He didn't want to put her in anymore pain than she was already in. He shed a tear for his beautiful Dawn. His Dawn that had always accepted him for everything that he was. She would probably still love him, she had always loved the monster part of him. He had to stay away from her, especially. He knew his demon, and how many times he had fought with it about turning the then perky teenager. Most of all he wept for Julia. She was only six years old. She wouldn't even remember him. He cried for all his friends. Angel, Cordelia, Willow, Xander, Anya, Gunn, Wesley, Fred, Lorne, Clem, Dawn, and mostly his Buffy. They had spent so many years coming to terms with him, befriending him, only to be stabbed in the back so many years later. Parts of him wished that Xander would have staked him so many years ago. He thought of his reflection, the inside of a church, what it felt like to be blessed. He was going to miss the white puffy clouds, the guilt of his conscious, his soul.  
  
Nick left Spike out there for a few hours to think about his life through a human's mind before he came back through the shadows and closed the dock door. He moved to Spike and calmly said.  
  
"Come on, you know the drill. Hopefully you'll be good as new by tomorrow night."  
  
Nick untied the knots and swept the still weak Spike up in his arms. He gently kissed the dirty blonde's forehead before he sunk his fangs into the warm, inviting flesh.  
  
Spike could feel himself dying, for the second time in his existence. He could feel his heart slowing, and before he knew it, it stopped. Spike was dead, again. 


	18. Chapter 18

Busted - June 2003  
  
Chapter Eighteen  
  
Dawn stopped what she was doing and immediately got off of Spike. She just stared at her sister. The hurt and betrayal was unmistakable. Dawn felt about two inches tall. She knew what was coming, and she knew that trying to explain wouldn't help. This was going to be all Spike's fault. Dawn just sunk on the couch next to Spike and waited for Buffy to start.  
  
"I can't believe this. I mean, is this why you've been spending all this time over here Dawn? So you can fuck the father of my child. I mean, Christ, I didn't even know that you had kissed a boy, much less whatever you've been doing with former dead boy over here. And you, Spike. I can't believe that you would take advantage of my sister. I know it's been awhile, does that justify molesting my sister? My seventeen year old sister. My you are so going to jail if I have proof you've been inside of my sister."  
  
"Buffy," Dawn started. "It's so not Spike's fault. I kissed him. I don't know what came over me. We were having a pillow fight and I ended up on top of him. Please don't be mad at him. He didn't want to do it. I made him. Please." Dawn's voice pleaded.  
  
"I know that you two probably have a big laugh at how stupid Buffy is behind my back, but I'm not that stupid. Dawn, you're hair is wet, your wearing Spike's underwear. Spike's all wet too. And why isn't he wearing a shirt? What, do you make sure you shower afterward so I can't smell him on you?" Buffy wasn't even so much upset now, she was just hurt. She could feel the tears flowing freely down her face.  
  
"Luv, Dawn's telling the truth. She got a bit carried away, I was shocked by it. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I love you, and only you. We were making milk shakes. The ice cream got all over the kitchen. I had to wash the bit's clothes. I am not bloody Angel. I don't get my thrills by manipulating teenage girls. That was always his specialty." Spike didn't mean to come off so harsh, but he couldn't believe that she thought so little of him. So little to think he was having sex with Dawn, out of loneliness for that matter.  
  
"Whatever. You guys think of this stuff just in case or something? How lame. Let me guess Spike, the only thing better than fucking a Slayer, is doing her little sister too?" Buffy spat the hate filled words at Spike.  
  
"You stupid bint. What was I thinking? I knew you didn't think much of me, but for fuck's sake - that's just low. Even by your standards. If you weren't so wrapped up in yourself you would have noticed that Dawny over here has had a bit of a crush on me for a few years. She sees me for who I am. I love her, but I would never do what you are accusing me of. You don't know me at all, do you? It doesn't matter what I say. You'll just go into your perfect world of denial. Have another reason to hate Spike. I don't bloody care anymore. Maybe you should just take Julia, and go home. I can have her another weekend." Spike was hurt. He was defeated.  
  
He began to retreat to his room. Dawn grabbed his arm.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Dawn pleaded.  
  
"Go home with you sis, bit. I think you've done quite enough already." Spike didn't mean for his words to come off they way they did, but he didn't want to talk to Dawn right now. Part of him was angry with her.  
  
*************************  
  
On the way home Dawn and Buffy didn't speak to one another at all. Buffy was upset with Dawn, she couldn't believe that her own sister would betray her like that. She knew that Dawn had a bit of a soft spot for the former vampire. She didn't know that she was willing to spread her legs for him. She was trying not to let the pain effect her, she was trying not to let Spike effect her so much, once again. She was tired of him hurting her. Buffy glanced at Dawn. Where had she been when Dawn had grown into such a beautiful young woman? She was going to be eighteen soon, Buffy thought offhandedly. Buffy could understand how Dawn could fall under the thrall of Spike, hell she had been under it since, practically, the first moment she laid eyes on him. The less reasonable Buffy, the one that usually won out in a situation like this, was screaming at her sister.  
  
"I thought you were the one person I could trust Dawn. I thought you loved me?" Buffy finally fumed, breaking the silence.  
  
"I do. I don't know what came over me. I'm not going to lie and say I think Spike is gross and I had never thought about what it would be like to kiss him. I would have daydreams Buffy. I never once intended to act on them though. It's a silly school girl crush. It was like I had the opportunity, and I went for it, regardless of the consequences. I never meant for you to see. I never meant to hurt you." Dawn pleaded.  
  
Desperate and reasonable Buffy wanted to believe everything her sister said. Dawn had made a foolish immature error in judgment. Not the first, nor the last time that would happen in the Summer's household. Unreasonable, angry, and pissed Buffy wasn't doing the sympathy thing though. She was out for blood.  
  
"So what, that made it OK? It was fine to sneak around behind my back as long as I didn't find out? Nice morals Dawny. Looks like you really do have the Spike influence going for you." Buffy spat.  
  
Dawn winced at her sisters venomous words. Buffy was turning the most enjoyable thirty seconds of her young life into something out of a Larry Flynt production. Angel is like a hundred years older than Spike, and he and Buffy totally had sex when Buffy was seventeen. She had screwed up, she really didn't think it was bad enough to get the third degree like this. Dawn admitted to herself that groping Spike hadn't been the best laid of all plans.  
  
Dawn knew that Spike would have understood though. He would have been upset with her for like five minutes and then he would ruthlessly tease her and act all smug about it. Dawn had always been willing to take the risk of humiliation in front of Spike. He never made her feel stupid about anything. Most of Spike's life consisted of one embarrassment after another. Buffy was an entirely different story though. Even if she could get Buffy to believe that she didn't have sex with Spike, she still wasn't going to find anything remotely amusing about the kiss the two had shared.  
  
In Buffy's eyes, Dawn had betrayed her trust in the worst possible way. Dawn had known she had been playing with fire the moment she sat on Spike's lap. Dawn knew that Spike would have understood though. And she honestly never thought Buffy would find out about it.  
  
"Come on Buffy, you knew what I meant. I don't know what to say. I did not sleep with or have any kind of sex with Spike. I've never slept with anyone. Buffy, Spike's only the second person I have ever kissed. Please Buffy, look at me."  
  
Buffy looked at Dawn. Dawn had tears flowing freely from her face. Buffy wasn't sure if it was from guilt, or if it was because she had gotten caught. Honestly, the kiss Buffy could deal with. It was all the other horrible things that kept whispering in the back of her mind that Buffy couldn't deal with.  
  
"Dawn, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I want to believe you, but I can't. There's no right conclusion here. Either you and Spike are having consenting sexual relations, he was pressuring you to sleep with him, or you were trying to seduce him. And I have a big problem with all three of those scenarios. I'm tired, I'm hurt, and I need to think. I want you to take Julia up to her room when we get home, and then I want you to go to yours. I'll set up a doctors appointment for you tomorrow, at least I might be able to come to an honest conclusion after that."  
  
"But Buffy." Dawn began.  
  
"Dawn, do not argue with a pissed off Slayer. Just go to your God damn room when we get home."  
  
Dawn trailed Buffy and the baby for the rest of the way home. Things were totally screwed up, and it was all her fault.  
  
******************************  
  
After Spike was done breaking everything in his apartment, he had calmed down a little. This was the most fucked up situation to come across good ol' Spike in quite awhile. Dawn was in love with him, and he felt he had completely provoked it. He had always known about the crush, and until about two hours ago it had always been cute. He just figured it was one of the harmless school girl crushes. The kind a few of his female, and at least one of his male students had on him.  
  
He had no clue she was have lusty thoughts about him. He just thought she imagined taking him to prom, or planned their wedding or some other silly thought. The way she moved over his body pointed out how wrong he was. He could feel her arousal when she was on top of him, dry humping him. And while a small part was flattered by the attention, the large majority of him was creeped out by it. He felt like a dirty old man.  
  
Dawn was pure, sweet, and good. She didn't need to waste her time going after an old ball of dust like him. She could do much better. Most of the time he thought Buffy could do better. And as far as good naturedness, patience, and personality went, Dawn was a far better person than Buffy was. He just couldn't figure out why she had done what she had done. He knew that she knew he didn't return the feelings. Spike could make Dawn blush about ten shades of red if he wanted to, he knew he had the power in the relationship (for once), but he never used it to his advantage.  
  
Spike was thankful that the demon was nowhere to be found though. His Demon had wanted Dawn long before it thought about Buffy. Dawn was something his demon was eager to corrupt. Eager to make her hurt, and bleed. Spike knew he had good reign over the thing, but it always seemed to take extra effort around that girl.  
  
He was torn. Part of him was endeared by her attentions for him. It was nice to know he was loved by someone. Part of him was furious with her for putting their friendship in what was now, a very awkward situation. Why couldn't she just date blokes her own age? Nix that, Spike hated the idea of some sweaty eighteen year old boy fondling his nibblit. She had to let go of the idea of the two of them together go. It would be for her own good.  
  
And just when things couldn't have gotten any worse, Buffy walks in. Hadn't talked to the bird for almost six months and the moment her kid sister is molesting him is the moment she decided she wanted to talk. Yeah, he understood how she could have came to her original conclusion. He did not understand how she could not have seen he was telling the truth. He always knew when she was being truthful, and when she was lying - even in his human form.  
  
She actually thought he was sleeping with Dawn. Playing sick little sex games with her, same as he used to play with Buffy. Buffy was probably picturing Dawn tied up to a bed, while he was doing disturbing and erotic things to her body. OK, that was not helping matters, he did not need to picture Dawn naked. He just hoped that Dawn could get through to her sister. Even then Spike wasn't sure if it was in time to salvage their train wreck of a relationship.  
  
********************************  
  
Dawn was in her room, pouting, when Xander and Anya showed up at the Summer's home. The two were finally on friendly terms once again, but they were no longer together. At the sound of the frantic tone in Buffy's voice when she called them, they knew they had to put aside of their differences to be there for their friend. After Buffy got done telling them about the events of the afternoon, they just stared at her - like a deer stuck in headlights.  
  
"No way." Was all Xander could muster.  
  
"Dawn and Spike could make a cute couple, but Dawn is far too young to be having sex. But then again Angel is older than Spike, and you two did it when you were Dawn's age. At least Spike it human now, and he has a soul, and he didn't go all stalker boy." Anya stated, trying to be helpful.  
  
Xander and Buffy stared at Anya like she had come from another planet before Xander continued.  
  
"Buffy, I hate to stick up for Spike. No, that's not true, Spike's an OK guy now. There is no way that kiss was mutual. You know how Dawn and Spike always fool around. OK, I did not mean fool around, I meant horse around. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, Dawn is smitten with Spike, and it's perfectly normal for a teenage girl to get a crush on her older sister's older boyfriend."  
  
"He is not my boyfriend." Buffy tried to argue.  
  
Xander and Anya both rolled their eyes before Xander went on.  
  
"And Spike is in love with you. Madly, truly, deeply. He hates the idea of hurting you. That's why he stayed away like you asked. I can see how things might have gotten out of hand. Spike and Dawn aren't exactly the neatest of people. I have no problems imagining that they got ice cream all over the kitchen. They take a shower, and Spike makes some wise ass comment about something Dawn likes. She in turn playfully hits him. He tickles her. In Dawn's mind, she's in the throes of passion, and she kisses him before she can think about it. He's too stunned to act quickly enough. That sounds more reasonable that those two having crazy monkey love."  
  
"I tend to agree with Xander on this Buffy. Spike is a very sexy man, he's bumpy in all the right places. When we go out shopping there are always women flirting with him and giving him their phone numbers. If he was missing sex that much, I doubt he would have any troubles finding a woman his own age to have orgasms with." Anya bluntly stated.  
  
"Nice An, Buffy's paranoid enough as it is. I guess you would know all about Spike's bumpy places though, wouldn't you?" Xander spat.  
  
"Oh my God Xander, get over it. We weren't even a couple when it happened. Spike and I had sex, it's not like we declared our undying love for one another. Buffy had thrown him away once again, and lets not get into how you treated me. It was over a year ago, let it go. And yes, I know first hand about Spike's quality love making techniques." Anya finished, giving Buffy a knowing wink.  
  
"I must be the only person in the tri-state region that hasn't either had sex, or thought about having sex with Spike. What is so fantabulous about him? Is it the accent? The British charm and slang? The steel blue eyes? The taunt and well muscled body?" Xander huffed, covering his mouth before going on, before he said anything else he regretted.  
  
Buffy and Anya faces became slightly flushed by Xander's description and looked at once another knowingly.  
  
"Oh great, you two have turned me gay. I honestly think that I want Spike now." Xander over dramatically stated.  
  
With that the two young women erupted into a case of infectious giggles, momentarily forgetting about the disturbing events of the afternoon.  
  
"Could you imagine Xander and Spike as a couple?" Buffy managed to spit out in between laughs. She was wiping her stomach and was clutching her stomach. It was beginning to ache from all the laughing.  
  
"The only way it could be any better, would be if Spike was still a vampire." Anya replied.  
  
The laughter died at that moment. Xander just stared Buffy. He knew a little about Buffy's regret to just settle for vampire Spike. The mood became rather somber after that. Even Anya took the tactful and quiet approach after that.  
  
"Buffy. It's in the past. Don't keep beating yourself up over this. If Spike wouldn't have gone on his little soul quest, you wouldn't have Julia with you right now. He's a good man now Buffy, he would never hurt you." Xander said quietly to Buffy, wrapping Buffy into a bear hug.  
  
Buffy tried to understand where Xander and Anya were coming from. It was hard though. She knew that they were also friends with Spike, and they didn't want to be put into this situation. She knew that they didn't know him like she did. Maybe they simply didn't want to.  
  
Xander and Anya left soon after that. Buffy went upstairs to check on Dawn and Julia, who were both sound asleep. She was going to go patrolling, but she couldn't stand the thought of facing Spike right now. It was kind of cute that he still followed her on patrols, even though physically he was about as well off as Xander. Buffy nixed the idea of patrolling and went to bed. She didn't want to think about Spike, or Dawn, or her very strange world in general. 


	19. Chapter 19

William the Bloody Returns - March 2009 Chapter Nineteen  
  
Angel and Gunn approached Buffy who was huddled in the corner of the alley. The smell of blood was sickening, even to Angel. It was everywhere. Angel bent down and noticed that Buffy was clutching something in her small hand. He pried it open to find Spike's lighter. He sighed softly and the group started to look around for clues. Gunn found two separate piles of ashes about ten feet away from each other.  
  
"Got give it to the little bookworm. He didn't go down without a fight. Looks like there were three of them. Looks like he managed to take two of them out. Probably why that shirt's all burnt up, got give it to Will, he's always been a clever SOB. There's a lot of blood, but I don't know why the third vamp would have dragged him off if he was dead." Gunn said.  
  
"Good point Gunn. Wes, do you think it would do any good to collect samples or anything. Do you think it would help?" Angel asked hopefully.  
  
"Probably not. I'm just as baffled by this as anyone. Who would want to kidnap Spike? He's no threat to the demon world any longer. About the only thing he does is help us with some translations from time to time. That's not worth taking a hit out on him over. Unless, they need him to translate something."  
  
"Why not go to Wolfram and Hart then?" Lorne asked innocently. "Why would a demon go through the trouble of kidnapping poor defenseless Will, especially when every demon within a fifty mile radius knows about him and the slayer, or about his alliance with you, Angel cakes. Seems like an awful lot of work, when you can go there and have anything you want translated for a reasonable price."  
  
Lorne was right, which took them all back to square one. Wesley took some snapshots of the "crime" scene and assessed that there was no need to collect any physical evidence. Angel picked up Buffy, who just clung to him with the little strength she could muster. The team decided to go back to the hotel and figure everything out.  
  
Back at the hotel Angel placed a sleeping Buffy on the couch in the main lobby. He knew that something seriously bad was going to go down. He decided that this might take all the man power he could find. It might turn out to be nothing, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Angel's first call was to Buffy's watcher in England.  
  
"Hello Rupert, how's it going old man?" Angel started.  
  
"Angel? What's going on? Is Buffy all right? What about Dawn?" Giles began.  
  
"There both fine. Problem is Will's turned up missing."  
  
"What do you think happened?"  
  
"I don't know. But I have a bad feeling about it. A group of vampires attacked him and drug him off somewhere. I'm not sure what they would want with him, but I have a feeling it's not to about a lecture on Salinger's writing style. I know it's a lot to ask. But Buffy has completely broken down. She finally cried herself to sleep. She thinks he's dead, but I don't. Spike's done a lot of things, but a letting Buffy down has never been one of them."  
  
"I'll take the first plane in the morning. Shouldn't take me more than twenty-four to thity-six hours to get there."  
  
'Thanks." Angel said, ending the phone call.  
  
Spike had never been Giles favorite being. But over the years Spike had become the poster boy for reform, and he also knew that Buffy was wildly in love with him. And he was Julia's "Grandpa Giles."  
  
Angel then called Xander.  
  
"Hey Harris."  
  
"What's happening dead boy." Xander said jokingly. He glanced at the clock, it was 5 am.  
  
"Spike's gone missing."  
  
"Buffy piss him off again, I don't know why those two even bother sometimes."  
  
"Nothing like that. Found half his blood and his lighter in an alleyway."  
  
"Jesus Man. I'll get Anya up. We'll stop by and get Willow. Should be up there before noon.  
  
"Thanks man."  
  
"Anything for Buffy." Xander said before he terminated the phone call.  
  
Angel sighed. It was almost daylight. There wasn't anything he could do until that night. He might as well go and get some sleep. Angel said a silent prayer for his former childe and friend before he drifted off to sleep.  
  
***************************  
  
Spike woke up groggily for the second time in less than forty-eight hours. He felt strange, but oddly familiar. He looked around the dark room, he could make everything out perfectly. He felt his face morph, he jumped back a little. With an extreme amount of concentration he got his demon to calm down, and his human visage slipped firmly back into place. He felt a pain, a hunger that he hadn't felt in over a century. It was bloodlust, he was starving. Like a fledgling. He noticed that his cell wasn't really a cell, he opened the office door, out onto the docks. He knew he needed to feed. That was the only thing consuming him at that moment. Just as he was about to leave he noticed Nick bringing a girl to him.  
  
"So your awake sleepy head. Looks like you're a bit hungry." Nick said mischievously, throwing the girl at Spike's feet.  
  
"Yeah, a bit. A bit knackered too. Forgot the feeling of all this." Spike answered, still a little dazed.  
  
"It's only going to get better." Nick responded.  
  
The girl looked at Spike wondrously. She was a hooker, she had been turning tricks in order to feed her and her twelve year old sister. She was a sweet looking thing. She wasn't gorgeous, but she would do. A little skinny, and her mascara was running down her face from crying so much, but she would most definitely do. Spike helped the girl off the floor.  
  
"He there luv, what you so upset about?" Spike asked in mock concern  
  
"Nothing. What do you want me to do? Do you need prices? I mean, mister, your awfully handsome - you sure you need me? Don't look like someone that has to pay for it." The girl answered, attempting to sound professional, or to simply hide her fear.  
  
"Let's just say I have specialized tastes." Spike replied, flashing her his most infamous grin.  
  
The girl was still a little frightened, but she looked into his blue eyes, and she felt as if she could trust him.  
  
Spike stared at the girl. Her fear was coming off her in waves. His demon was relishing in the potential feed. Spike lifted the girl's face and softly kissed her lips, biting just enough to draw a little blood. He savored the sweet, coppery fluid as it ran down his throat. So long since he had relished in such a simple act. To Spike's surprise the girl was actually aroused, and she was still afraid. It took every last inch of willpower not to rip her to shreds right there. He looked at the girl again. She couldn't have been any older than seventeen, younger than Dawn. His mind briefly wandered to the girl with the deep blues eyes and dark mane. What would Dawn think of this - he thought to himself. He growled, pushing the thought out of his head. He was sick of the emotions, sick of the feeling. The kill, that's what this was about.  
  
The girl back away when the strange man let an unearthly grow escape from his lips. She could have sworn that his face changed. She had enjoyed the kiss very much, and she was actually looking forward to turning this particular trick. She was now frightened again. She had no idea where she was really, and she wasn't really sure what her client was. She heard stories about girls like her showing up in alleys with their throats ripped out, but she never believed it. She looked at this stranger in front of her and she felt something unholy about him. She knew he was dangerous, and she was sincerely beginning to doubt she would make it out there alive.  
  
Spike stalked toward the girl. He had been looking forward to playing with her. His demon was so hungry though. The demon knew that dear sweet William needed to be put in his fucking place, and the best way to do that would be to kill this poor innocent girl. Spike picked up the girl by her hair, lifting her up until she was about half and inch off the ground.  
  
"Pity luv, I was planning on taking my time with you, but I guess I'm just going to have to eat and run."  
  
With that the demon appeared and the girl screamed. Spike loved the sound of that scream. Her fear was like an aphrodisiac. He dropped her, and she tried to run. He pounced on the girl and pulled her so his lips were inches away from her neck. He could feel the blood pumping throughout her entire body. He leaned in and smelled her once more, before he bit into her jugular. The sickening sound of broken bones and ripped flesh echoed throughout the warehouse. Spike and his demon hungrily drank. He felt alive. He felt refreshed. This is what he had been missing. This power, this passion, it consumed him. He felt alive, truly alive. And his demon knew that it was only a matter of time before he had William completely under his control once again. And the only way to do that would be to get rid of everything that reminded William of his humanity. 


	20. Chapter 20

To Reconcile - June-September 2003  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
Buffy took Dawn to the doctor the next day, just to make sure. Of course everything was, well, still intact. She had Dawn tested for STD's and was damn near threatening to make Dawn go to a professional for counseling sessions.  
  
"Are you off your rocker?" Dawn asked Buffy on the way home.  
  
"I just want to make sure my little sister is safe. I want to make sure that you're happy and healthy." Buffy said with mock perkiness.  
  
"I'm fine Buffy. If you wanted me to be happy, you would let this drop. I'm embarrassed enough as it is. Spike will probably never talk to me again."  
  
"About Spike. I don't think you should hang out with him anymore. I mean, after what happened last time. I just don't think it's a good idea. Maybe you two should spend some time apart. Not forever of course. I know that you two are friends, but the whole thing has made everything very uncomfortable."  
  
"For you maybe. I know I messed up. But I'm sure Spike is totally over it. He probably would have thought it was funny if you hadn't shown up. Buffy, you need to talk to him and apologize to him. That's the only way things are going to go back to normal."  
  
"I have nothing to apologize to him for. This is all his fault. If he hadn't provoked you, then none of this would have happened. I think I had every right to come to the conclusion I did."  
  
"Buffy! You accused him of raping me. That's not a conclusion that any sane person would come to."  
  
"Yeah, because we all know that Spike would never try to-" Buffy started.  
  
"Don't you dare finish that sentence. If you got trust issues with Spike, fine. But make them about you and him, don't drag me into this freak show." Dawn huffed before she started to jog toward home, feeling she had had about as much quality time with Buffy as she could stand.  
  
"Yeah, freak show." Buffy stated calmly under her breath before she continued on her way home.  
  
***************************  
  
A couple months passed, finding Dawn sitting on Spike's kitchen counter while Spike was making them pasta. She had finally worked up the courage to see him. And she had finally convinced her sister that she and Spike weren't going to make any amateur movies at his place. Spike and Buffy had not spoken since the ice cream debacle. Spike had only seen Julia twice in those two months. And that was only because either Xander or Anya had brought her over without Buffy knowing. Not seeing her best friend was killing her. Unlike her older sister, she was willing to swallow her pride and apologize to Spike. She knew she had been wrong and she desperately wanted to make amends. She wanted things to be right again.  
  
"Spike, I'm so sorry. I keep trying to think of better words, but I can't. I really am truly sorry. I don't want things to be weird between us. We're like best friends. What would we do without each other?" Dawn started, her eyes filling up with tears.  
  
"S'OK bit. Sorry is more than I ever got out of your sister. It's water under the bridge, besides, I can't tease you if we aren't speaking." Spike replied.  
  
Spike walked over to Dawn and ruffled her hair with his hands. He then went back to his cooking duties.  
  
"You're not going to be all smug and belittle me every chance you get, are you?"  
  
"S'not my fault you find me unbelievably sexy and adorable." Spike said with exaggeration, while he over dramatically swept his hand over his T- shirt clad chest.  
  
"You know, Buffy's right. You are a pig." Dawn said, while she rolled her eyes and laughed.  
  
"I missed your laugh pet. I was pissed as hell when you were molesting me, but I understand what it's like. You know that there's never going to be an us, don't you? I don't want to be breaking your little heart. And you know you can do better than a crusty old demon like me, right?"  
  
"I know Spike, not about the 'crusty old demon' part, cause you know that's not true. I think I got confused. I mean, yeah, I admit to planning our wedding and all that. But I knew in the back of my mind that you would never love me as much as you love Buffy. I know you only love me as like a friend. It's OK, I'm used to it. It's not like I'm ever going to have a boyfriend or anything, I'm too weird. It's like 'hey, it's Dawn - the freaky key thing' - no one gets me except you. At least you know what it's like to be a freak too."  
  
Spike went over and took Dawn off the counter. He wrapped his arms around Dawn, tight, and rested his head on the top of hers.  
  
"Dawn, you are probably the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I love you. I love you as much as I love your sister. It's just different. In many ways what we share is so much more special than what me and the Slayer have. Any bloke would be lucky to have you. Not that you're allowed to date. Well, not until you're thirty five and I get to interview the wanker first. Because you know, in my eyes no one will ever be good enough for you."  
  
Dawn looked up into Spike's eyes and smiled. She knew they would be OK. She knew he loved her, not as much as she loved him, but she would deal. She just wished that she could make him happy.  
  
"So is Buffy still being all huffy? Xander said she's been in hormone overdrive or something lately." Spike asked while the two were having dinner.  
  
"Yeah. It's like she knows she screwed up with you. She knows she was wrong. But there is no way in hell that she's going to admit it. I think she's upset that you haven't dropped by and begged her for mercy. That and Jules has been sick, I mean it's just a cold, but the kid cries all night, and Buffy hasn't had much sleep. She keeps muttering something about how she wished she would have been on the pill and about deadbeat Dads. Get it, deadbeat, dead!" Dawn let a little frown that Spike wasn't laughing at her joke.  
  
"She's the one that won't let me see my kid. It's starting all over. Somehow it's my fault that she won't let me see my own child. Well, I skipped my last visitation to appease her. But tomorrow, come hell or high water, I am going to spend some time with my kid." Spike fumed.  
  
"And while you're over there, maybe you and Buffy could have a chat. Maybe smooth things over." Dawn said hopefully.  
  
"I would give up my life for her. You know that bit. She's the one that has to make the first move here. I would like to hear her apologize, just once. I don't even care if she means it. I just can't keep going on like this."  
  
"I know Spike. I know. I wish you guys could at least get along. I remember when Mom and Dad started fighting. I don't want Julia to grow up in a house like that. I want her to know that you both love her and aren't using her as some sort of trophy prize."  
  
"I know Dawn. I know. I just don't know what I can do to make her happy." Spike said. 


	21. Chapter 21

The Turning - March 2009 Chapter Twenty-One  
  
The sense of power that Spike felt was all consuming. He felt as if he were on top of the world. He was high, on so many things, so many forgotten emotions that came flooding to the surface. He glanced over at Nick, who looked a bit afraid.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Spike sneered.  
  
"Hey, I'm your sire. I'll not have you talk to me like that." Nick said, attempting miserably at an heir of authority.  
  
"That's a good one mate. I guess since you're my sire, I won't kill you. So what's the plan for tonight? I want to see this town burn. I want it burnt to ashes for my black goddess. Where is she by the way?"  
  
"Uh, Dru. She's in China right now. She said you have to pass some tests for her before she'll come back." Nick said, fidgeting with his hands, willing himself not to look at the vampire.  
  
"She did, did she? Well, pussy whipped, nancy boy William is gone. You find her and tell her to get her ass back here. I'm through being the whipping boy. And you need to go spread it around the underground that Spike's back. I need a good number of minions, and anyone else that wants to see the Slayer burn is more than welcome to join. God I miss this. I must have been insane to think I could ever be 'good.' Now, Nickie don't go getting all big headed, but thanks. Thanks for releasing me from that hell."  
  
"Sure, no problem Spike. Uh, do you need anything? Clothes? Car? Ummm - maybe a nice lady vamp, to you know, let off some steam."  
  
"Clothes, yeah. Where'd I put that damn duster? Oh bloody hell. Going to have to go back to the poofter's apartment and get it, as well as some other supplies. I like this place. It's dark and isolated. You did a good job in picking this place out. As of now, you're my right hand man Nickie. Well, as long as you find some new clothes. Preferably dark, and made within the last decade or so."  
  
"No problem boss." Nickie replied. This was not how he expected things to go. But it would do for now. Being at Spike's side was better than being on no side.  
  
Spike reached into his pant pockets for his lighter and smokes.  
  
"Bugger." Was all he could manage when he realized that soul boy didn't smoke.  
  
******************************  
  
The gang was all at the Hyperion by the next night. It took a few credit cards, and some bribing, but even Giles had managed to make it there in time for their meeting.  
  
"Thanks for coming guys. I know some of you don't like Spike, but he is one of us. And we would be doing the same thing if any of you turned up missing. I don't know what's going on, but Cordelia had a vision while we were in bed last night." Angel began.  
  
"Yeah. It was so strange. I mean The Powers had been avoiding the cryptic route for quite awhile, but neither me or Angel could make head or tails out of the vision. I saw Spike. He was bleeding, a lot. Like unnaturally, no way he could survive kind of bleeding. The there was a girl, it looked like she was dead. And then Spike was talking to a man. I have no clue what it means."  
  
"I think I do." Buffy piped in, trying to fight back the tears already building.  
  
"What is it." Willow asked, concerned for her friend.  
  
"I think that Spike's been turned." Buffy muttered.  
  
The group looked back and forth to one another. No one wanted to say anything. Actually they all wanted to deny it. But none of them could, it was a possibility.  
  
"Why would someone want to turn Spike?" Xander asked.  
  
"Most of the demon population around here doesn't know that Spike was ever humanized. We all thought it was better to let them think that Spike was out of the country. We never set the record straight." Wesley explained.  
  
"So the vamp that turned Spike, thought that he was getting a good ally or something?" Fred piped in.  
  
"Come on guys, we don't even know if Spike has been turned. We can't just throw a stake through his chest when we see him. What if we're wrong. What if we kill an innocent human?" Gunn added.  
  
"Yes, Gunn has a point. And even if Spike has been turned, we have no clue what he's like. He might be like how he was before he became human. We have no idea what his demon is like, or if he maintained his soul during the turning. We have to research this. We can't just jump to conclusions." Giles said.  
  
"What if Spike is all about the Big Bad evil again. Do we try to detain him, stake him, what?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"I'd say it's up to Buffy. He is her daughter's father." Conner added, speaking for the first time since the meeting began.  
  
"Detain him if you can. Dust him if you have no choice. I would rather have Spike be gone, than have to sacrifice any of you." Buffy managed.  
  
Angel and Giles looked upon the brave, but crying girl. They both had the paternal instinct to go to her and hug her, but they knew she wanted to appear strong at that moment.  
  
"I think it's best if you all stay here until we figure out what's going on. If Spike is up to his old tricks, he has invites to all of our homes, and we have no clue if he can come in or not. An, Giles, do you think you can rig an un-invite spell around the entire hotel? Someone will just have to invite me and Lorne in if we leave." Angel stated  
  
"Yeah, no problem. Me and Giles will get right on that." Anya said, happy that she had been included for once, and she appeared to actually be an important part of the plan.  
  
"Guys, I feel a research party coming on." Willow said, trying to keep things light hearted.  
  
She had only been out for a little over two years and things on the hellmouth had been pretty quiet. She, like Anya, was secretly relieved that she would be needed.  
  
"Oh my God." Buffy suddenly started.  
  
"What is it Buffy?" Lorne and Angel said at the same time.  
  
"Dawn, she's alone with Julia at Spike's apartment. What if he decides to go back there?" Buffy frantically asked.  
  
"We'll call Dawn and explain that she's not to let Spike in under any circumstances. There's a good chance he won't go back there. I remember when Dru sired Spike. He didn't want to go anywhere near what reminded him of being human. *If* Spike is now, well Spike again then he won't want to go within a hundred feet of that place. He was always a strange duck. Could be cruel as a snake, but he always stunk of humanity. It'll be OK Buffy, just breath." Angel stated coolly, trying to calm Buffy down.  
  
"You're right Angel. I just need to get a grip." Buffy said with a weak smile.  
  
"Angel and I will swing by my place and get some books. Then we'll go over and get Dawn and Jules." Wesley said.  
  
"Make sure you get Spike's dog too. No telling what perverted things he'd do it if he found it." Buffy called.  
  
"Huh, Buffy - that was Angelus that liked to torture the puppies." Xander quipped.  
  
"Oh yeah, right." Buffy said quietly.  
  
Xander helped Buffy to her room so she could take a nap. He yelled down to Willow to call Dawn, but she was so wrapped up in conversation with Fred that she didn't hear him.  
  
***********************************  
  
Spike took a deep breath before he knocked on the door. He knew that Dawn was still here. He could smell her. He could almost taste her. His mouth curled into an unnatural grin while he waited for his unsuspecting "little sister" to answer the door.  
  
"Oh Spike, you're alive. I can't believe it." Dawn squealed when she opened the door.  
  
"Yeah, luv. Good old Spike here. Seemed to forgot my key. Actually I'm amazed I still have both my arms."  
  
"Well are you going to come in or are you going to stand there all gross and icky like that." Dawn said impatiently.  
  
Spike smile got even larger. Easier than I thought, mate, he thought to himself as he walked into his apartment. He wasn't sure if he needed the invite or not. He wasn't clear on the rules. But Dawn had lived here a couple years ago, so he supposed that she still qualified to invite him in. And he sure as hell didn't want any attention called to himself when he tried to enter and was bounced back against the hallway walls. Dawn wrapped her arms tightly around her Spike. He calmly patted her on the back a couple of times before he released her. Something felt wrong to Dawn, but she shrugged it off, was probably just from all the panicking.  
  
"So what happened? You totally kicked ass didn't you? I knew you would. Buffy was always telling me what a wuss you were, but I knew better. I bet that vamp was sorry he decided to have you for dinner, huh."  
  
"Yeah, right. Well, I promise to tell you *everything* after I take a shower, kay pigeon?" Spike replied, slipping into his infamous sexy grin.  
  
Spike went to take a shower while Dawn went into check on Julia. She settled herself on the couch while she waited for Spike to finish his shower. 


	22. Chapter 22

Resentments - September-October 2003  
  
Chapter Twenty-Two  
  
Spike showed up on Buffy's doorstep around five o'clock the next evening. She answered the door wearing a shirt that looked like a small infant drooled all over it. It took Spike a second to realize that it probably had been a small infant that drooled all over it.  
  
"What are *you* doing here?" Buffy asked coldly.  
  
"I'm hear to pick up my daughter. It's been almost two months since I've seen my daughter. I really don't want to pull the lawyer card if I don't have to, Buffy. Come on, just let me in so I can get Jules."  
  
"Fine." Buffy huffed, letting him into the house.  
  
Dawn came bouncing down the stairs with Julia in tow. As soon as she saw Buffy and Spike in a face off she headed directly to the kitchen, hoping and praying that the damage wasn't going to cost too much. Spike and Buffy glared at one another. It was almost like old times, only less fun. At least when they were trying to kill one another, there was a slight thrill out of it. This scene just reeked of pain and betrayal.  
  
"When are you bringing her back?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Was thinking about taking her for the week actually." Spike returned in an equally venomous tone.  
  
"No way. The agreement was every other weekend."  
  
"I haven't seen the kid in over two months. You have got to be joking."  
  
"Who's fault is that?" Buffy spat.  
  
"You are completely off your nut Slayer. I've been trying to call for over six weeks. You won't return my calls. Dawn and Xander kept warning me not to come anywhere near you. It's your fault I haven't seen my daughter."  
  
"Whatever. I still want her back by Monday. And if you wanted to see her that badly, you would have found a way."  
  
Spike just stared at his hate filled Slayer. This went far deeper than him wanting to keep the girl a few extra days. He actually thought Buffy hated him. Her stares chilled him to the bone. He wasn't playing this game anymore, there was no way she was getting another apology out of him.  
  
"Fuck you." Was all Spike could think of.  
  
With that Buffy threw a right hook his way that knocked him into the coffee table. He looked up at her, completely dazed. Blood was running down his face. He tried to stand up, but was so dazed that he immediately fell back. Dawn came running out of the kitchen.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" She yelled.  
  
"Just Spike being his well mannered self, per usual." Buffy responded nonchalantly.  
  
"Buffy. I can't believe you hit him. I mean that's like you hitting me, or you hitting Xander. I can't believe you would do this. I know Spike's pretty strong, but you have the Slayer thing going on, he can't compete with that. I just can't believe that you would resort to physical violence like this. What are you going to do when Julia gets to be too much?" Dawn spat at Buffy.  
  
Buffy just stared at the scene, letting Dawn's words sink in. She knew she was right. As big of an ass as Spike was, she had no excuse to hit him. She went toward the living room to help him up. He stood up and pushed her away from him.  
  
"Buffy, luv. I came here to talk to you. I've been doing some serious thinking. I wanted us to be civilized, so I could make a proper judgment on the matter. You've left me no choice though. Buffy, I love you. More than life itself. But it's clear that you resent me. Clear that you hate me. I love my daughter, and I want to be near her. But she doesn't need to be raised in an environment that is filled with such hate and violence. And if I stay here, that's all it's going to be. I'll miss her, but I'm sure I'll still get to see her, probably more often than if I stay. I'm moving to LA. As you well know it's only a couple hours away. I'm sure Dawn and I'll keep in touch, we'll work out all the custody arrangement. There's absolutely no reason for you to ever talk to me again."  
  
And with that Spike gave her a look of total defeat and went home, to begin packing. Dawn just stared at Buffy. At that moment, Dawn hated her sister more than anything.  
  
"I hate you. You're making him leave again." Dawn screamed, before she ran upstairs.  
  
Buffy let a few tears slip from her face. It was too late. It was simply too late to make things the way that they were. Spike hated her. She had finally succeeded in getting rid of him, but she couldn't figure out why she was so miserable about it. Buffy went to the kitchen and picked up her daughter. The girl had curly blonde hair, much like Spikes, and the eyes. There was only one other person on Earth that had eyes like those. Buffy held Julia close before taking her up the stairs. Buffy needed to lay down. She felt like she was drowning. In that moment, she felt like she was dead, all over again.  
  
*************************************  
  
There was a huge going away party for Spike. Everyone was there, except for Buffy. Dawn kept crying. She was afraid that she would never see him again.  
  
"Dawn. Stop. You're going to making start bawling, and that wouldn't be very manly, would it nibblit?" Spike lovingly said toward the girl.  
  
"You're not going to be gone forever, are you? We'll still see each other, won't we?"  
  
"Of course. Have to stay up on all the gossip about Sunnyhell High, now don't I?"  
  
Dawn just hugged Spike, not wanting to let him go.  
  
"S'alright bit. You're going to go to school in LA next year. We'll see each other all the time."  
  
Dawn let go of Spike and smiled at him. She was going to be brave, for him. Anya and Xander came by to bid him farewell.  
  
"I never thought I would ever udder the words 'I'll miss you dead boy junior,' but here I am saying those exact words. You have to stay in touch." Xander said, slightly awkwardly.  
  
Spike grinned and nodded. He and Xander exchanged a short, manly hug before Spike faced Anya.  
  
"Hi there gorgeous. You going to miss me too?"  
  
"Of course. Who's going to go shopping with me now and help me try on shoes? I told myself I wouldn't cry, but I'm going to miss you so much."  
  
Anya threw herself in Spike's arms and hugged him fiercely. He laughed softly before pulling away.  
  
"Come on. I'm going to be a couple hours north of here. It's not like I'm going to be on the North Pole. You'll all come up and we'll go make fun of peaches and his nancy boy hair gel."  
  
Xander smiled at the thought of picking on Angel. It was getting late. The Bronze started to clear out until Spike and Dawn were the only two left. She helped him load the car up. When they were done, they just stared at one another. It was hard on both of them, for so many reasons. But they both seemed to know that it was necessary.  
  
"Sure you have to do this?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Yeah I am. And don't you ever think it has anything to do with you. It's going to bloody kill me to be so far away from you. I'm making Buffy miserable. She needs to be by herself. I've caused her enough pain. She can feel me everywhere she goes. She needs to make some memories that don't include me. She needs to heal. And the best way for her to do that, is for me to be in a different county. I'm sure she'd prefer a different time zone, but I figure LA is far enough away."  
  
Dawn just stared at Spike and nodded. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he just held her for a few moments, in silence.  
  
"Can I give you something, and you promise not to take it the wrong way?" Spike asked.  
  
Dawn dumbly nodded. Spike leaned over and brushed his lips across Dawn's. It was a simple and sweet kiss. It was chaste, just like her. Spike pulled back to find a star struck Dawn staring at him.  
  
"What was that for?" Dawn asked lazily.  
  
"Just thought it was about time you got kissed good and proper. I figure better me than some heathen trying to grope you. That's what a kiss is about Dawn. Feeling. Always remember that."  
  
With that Spike climbed into his SUV and pulled the door shut. He started the engine, and began to drive away. He looked out the rear view mirror to find Dawn still staring at him. A small tear escaped him, while he stared at the road in front of him. He just hoped that he had been doing the right thing. 


	23. Chapter 23

It's Always Been You - March 2009 Chapter Twenty-Three  
  
When Spike entered the bathroom he opened the door under the sink. Toward the back of the compartment was a bottle of hair bleach and a small bottle of black nail polish. He grinned evilly when he found it. He didn't know why he kept buying the two items. Just to have he guessed. Every six months or so, he would pick the items up from the store during his weekly shopping trips. The checkout girl would always give him an odd look when they saw the odd items, but he always shrugged it off. For some reason having them comforted him. Probably the same reason he never got rid of his duster. He put the bleach in his hair, and placed a shower cap over his hair. He then turned on the shower.  
  
When he got into the shower, he stared at his stomach. He by no means had a beer gut, but it wasn't as defined as it used to be. It disgusted him. Bloody wanker let me go all to hell, he thought to himself as he scrubbed. While he was bathing he realized he wouldn't have to do this so often, being room temperature and all. Sweating had always repulsed him. But only when he was the one sweating. He enjoyed feeling Buffy's sweaty body against him, but it disgusted him to no end when he would come home from a hard day in the archives with pit stains. He carefully examined the rest of his body. William had sure let the body go, the boy hadn't been into a fight in over half a decade. There really was no reason for him to work out. Going to have start my training regiment again, Spike made a mental note.  
  
Spike stepped out of the shower and rinsed his hair in the sink. He knew it was white, and the thought made him smile. He wrapped the towel around his waist, not wanting to give Dawn an eyeful, yet. He then meticulously painted his finger nails black, carefully smudging the tips. He put his nails in front of the bathroom fan, and his mind wandered. It wandered mostly toward the innocent girl huddled in his living room. Time for some fun, he thought as he stepped out of the bathroom.  
  
****************************  
  
Dawn wandered what was taking Spike so long in the shower. She just figured he must have been really dirty. Being kidnapped and held against your will, will do that to a person she supposed. Her jaw dropped damn near to the ground when Spike walked out of the steamy bathroom, with white hair and nothing but a towel draped loosely around his waist.  
  
"What the hell did you do that for?" Dawn asked curiously.  
  
"Felt I needed a change." Spike answered nonchalantly  
  
"I always thought it suited you. Makes you look all sexy." Dawn said half kiddingly. "Won't the pricks at the museum have a problem with it though?"  
  
"They can sod off, not going to that tomb ever again." Spike said.  
  
"Huh, don't you need like money for rent and clothes and food and stuff?" Dawn asked unbelievingly.  
  
Dawn thought that Spike must have been through hell. Or maybe he was just having a third of the way through your life crisis or something.  
  
"Not too concerned about it actually. Gonna put some clothes on." Spike answered before heading to his room, leaving the bedroom door opened.  
  
Dawn was dumb struck. She didn't know what to do. Spike was being too cold and non committal in his answers. She wasn't sure how to take it. She knew she wasn't going to let him leave it at that though. She followed Spike into his bedroom. She *had* seen him naked before, so if she "accidentally" saw something, it wouldn't be the end of the world or anything.  
  
The scene was even stranger when she walked into his bedroom and he was rummaging through his closets like it was spring cleaning time or something.  
  
"Huh, you lose something?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Doesn't that poofter, I mean don't I own any normal clothes? I mean khakis and Gap sweaters? I should be shot. I know I have some jeans somewhere. Just plain jeans - not the faded kinds or the boot cut or any of that nonsense. Just plain, black jeans."  
  
Dawn looked at him strangly.  
  
"Yeah, Spike - you kept some of you old vamp clothes. They're in a box in your cedar chest."  
  
Spike opened up the trunk to find his Docs, his old clothes, and his duster. He was deliriously happy, forgetting about Dawn for the moment. He sat on the bed, holding the duster to his face, just smelling it. It smelled like him, and that comforted him. He looked up and saw Dawn looking at him strangely. He stood up and sauntered over to her. He gently swept a lock of her hair away from her face and lightly traced his fingers over the contours of her face.  
  
"Will, your being really weird. Wanna tell me what this is about?"  
  
"You luv. It's always been you." Spike replied.  
  
He leaned in for a searing kiss. His tongue invaded Dawn's mouth, savoring the feel of her against him. His demon had been waiting for this moment for so long, he wasn't sure how long he could stand it. He had to be patient. He wanted nothing more than for Dawn to give herself willingly to him. He pulled away from the kiss and stared at Dawn.  
  
Dawn didn't know what to think. They had broken up a little over a year ago. She had missed him so much. They had never actually slept together in the two years they had been together, but they had done other things. Things that part of her body was singing for her to do again. Before she knew what was happening, she swung her arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. His hands moved underneath her sweater, where he lightly caressed her skin. She wanted him so much, but she didn't want to get her heart broken once more. She broke from the kiss and took a step back.  
  
"Runner up here. Remember Will - I am no Buffy. I will never be Buffy and I refuse to be your conciliation prize. I have a boyfriend now, Dave loves me. I can't go through this again. I can't do this, unless you love me, really love me." Dawn cried to him.  
  
Spike easily avoided having to confess his undying love for her by leaning in and kissing her neck, softly, circling it with his tongue. He reached over and grabbed her breast and began kneading it.  
  
"Doctor boy ever do this to you?" Spike asked mischievously as he continued his ministrations over the girl's body.  
  
"Oh God Spike, why? Why now?" Was all Dawn could say.  
  
"I guess death, huh, near death will make a bloke see what's important." Spike answered clumsily. He didn't want her to know. Not until it was too late, not until she had given him permission.  
  
Spike knew he was misleading Dawn. Well, actually the demon knew and didn't care. A small part of William cried out that this was wrong, but the demon ignored him. The Demon never liked rape, not in any sense of the word. He always liked to trick or charm his way into a girl's pants. It made the kill more thrilling, especially when he looked into his victims eyes, and they knew. They knew it was their own fault that they were in the position to be dinner. Rape had always been Angelus' specialty. Not Spike, he was an evil bastard, and in some ways what he was doing to Dawn at that moment was worse than rape.  
  
"Oh Spike, I love you. I was so worried. I'm ready. Will you please make love to me? I don't want to lose you ever again." Dawn said huskily.  
  
Spike scooped up the aroused young woman and threw her on the bed. He let the towel slip from his waist and seductively climbed toward the girl. *Too easy* the demon thought to himself as he positioned himself over the girl. William struggled with the demon, hating it, wanting all of this to end. His instinct told him otherwise. His demon consumed him, for so long it had wanted the sweet girl, and finally it would have her. Spike began to unbutton Dawn's sweater while she kissed and sucked on his ear. The smell of her was driving him mad. He wasn't sure how much longer he could control himself. He pulled at the girl's hair, yanking her back. She stared at him with big innocent eyes.  
  
"Was I doing something wrong?" Dawn asked worriedly  
  
"Nothing at all pet, it's just you, touching me, it's driving me insane. You have to be patient. Kay pet?"  
  
Dawn just stared at him with bright eyes and laid back on the bed, leaving Spike to finish unbuttoning her sweater. She tried to relax, but it was difficult with him spreading light kisses all over her breasts and stomach. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots. The guilt she felt at that moment was overwhelming. *What will Buffy say* she thought miserably. At that moment she didn't care. For the first time in her life she was going to be greedy, selfish. Spike had said he wanted her, and not Buffy - she was going to take that at face value. She moaned softly as he ravished her flesh, bringing goose bumps to her arms.  
  
Spike lifted the girl up with his arms and slid the sweater off her. Both parts of him wanted to feel the touch of her warm flesh forever. But the demon was growing impatient. It wanted her. It wanted to hear her scream in misery. Scream in betrayal. She was to be his calling card. She was going to be the one to tell the others that he was back, and he wasn't fucking around this time. What humanity that was left of Spike was torn. Part of him loved touching this soft, sweet girl, and the rest of him kept trying to get reign over the demon. He knew he was defeated when he took a long whiff of her blood pouring through her veins, the arousal coming from her pants, the sweat pouring from her. It was too much.  
  
He leaned in and began to nip around her jugular with blunt teeth. Dawn responded immediately by wrapping her arms around his back, her legs around his waist. She was so close to him. She could feel his erection, she could feel his desire for her. She was caught in the moment. She barely noticed when Spike morphed and slid his fangs into her neck. She let out a muffled scream.  
  
"Shhhh. It's Okay Dawny. Just relax, it will all be over soon." Spike temporarily released his hold, to calmly whisper in her ear.  
  
In reality, it wouldn't be over anytime soon. He wanted to savor this moment, for as long as he could. He was still debating on whether or not to turn her. It was a small victory, but the humanity in Spike convinced the demon to just kill the girl. It would be easier that way. He held on more tightly to the girl and began to drink more steadily. He didn't even notice the small girl walk into the room.  
  
"Daddy, what are you doing with Aunt Dawny? It's past your bed time?" Julia said crossly.  
  
Spike released Dawn from his grip and flung her to the corner of the bed. He let his human face slide forward and he turned toward the girl. He wrapped the sheet around his waist and went to greet the girl.  
  
"Julia sweetie pie. Why are you still up?" Spike asked in his best Grinch voice.  
  
"I thought I heard screams. I got scared. I'm glad you're home Daddy, I got worried. Mommy cried a lot, she was scared too."  
  
"I'm sure she was. Now why don't you get back to bed sweetie. I'll come in and tuck you in, in a moment."  
  
Dawn just stared horrified. Not even Spike would do what she was thinking he was going to do. She swallowed her fear and came up behind Spike. Blood was running down her neck and chest, but she had to save Julia. She wrapped her arms around Spike and began to kiss his back.  
  
"Let her go Spike. You have me. You have all of me. I won't fight you. Please just send her back to bed and leave her there. Please. I know that some part of you in there still cares. I promise, I'll do *whatever* you want me to do."  
  
Spike let Dawn's words sink while he stared at his daughter. His demon was thinking of all kinds of wonderfully torturous things to do to both of them. William felt as if he was going to vomit by the suggestions his demon was making. Spike pressed both his palms to his forehead and began rubbing his temples. *Worse than having the bloody chip* he thought to himself. He pushed Dawn back on the bed. He leaned toward Julia, smiling.  
  
"Do wanna see a trick that Daddy can do?" Spike asked.  
  
"You mean like magic?" Julia asked hopefully.  
  
"Sort of." Spike replied coolly.  
  
Spike was ready to vamp out again, more to scare the girl than anything. He didn't even think *his* demon was prepared to eat the small child. Then Spike Jr., came toddling into the room. It took one look at Spike and began to growl uncontrollably. Spike went toward the small pug to pet it and calm it down, but the moment his hand was within reach of the dog, the dog nipped, forcefully. The demon was outraged and kicked the dog into the corner. Julia ran after the dog and started to pet it and comfort it.  
  
"Daddy, you kicked Spikey. That was mean." Julia said crossly.  
  
"Suppose it was."  
  
"Daddy, why are you being mean? Don't you love me anymore? I don't think Mommy loves me, says I remind her of you. And you and Mommy don't get along. You love me, don't you? You love Spikey too - he's your puppy Daddy."  
  
Spike stared at the small girl. He dropped to his knees. Both sides of him struggling. He wanted to save them both. He wanted to tell Dawn to just stake him where he lay. His demon wanted to rip both girl's throats out. He looked back and forth toward Dawn, who was huddled in the corner, and his lovely little girl that was consoling her doggie. All the hate a rage came fueling to the surface. He let out a growl that sent both girl's cowering. He began to scratch at his skin. It felt hot. The skin began to peel and bleed, Spike just continued to scratch at it, wanting to rip it off. He was now crying, the pain of the struggle was overwhelming. He finally got it together enough to reach Dawn.  
  
"Dawn, get Julia and get the fuck out now. Tell the rest to stake me if they find me. I will not be so kind next time."  
  
Dawn just stared at him, completely bewildered.  
  
"I said, get the fuck out, right now!" Spike growled once more.  
  
Dawn dashed off the bed and grabbed Julia, she was out the door with Spike Jr. in tow within a matter of minutes. She had run six blocks before she realized she was just wearing a sports bra that was stained with blood from her puncture wounds. She didn't stop running for the eighteen blocks from Spike's apartment to Angel Investigations. She was very thankful for the adrenaline rush. 


	24. Chapter 24

Giles - April 2004  
  
Chapter Twenty-Four  
  
The weeks faded into months for Buffy and Spike. Both were miserable, but they had learned to make the most of their lives. What was left of them anyway.  
  
Giles was visiting the states for a couple months, for various reasons. Through a slip up in communication, Giles didn't even know about Julia until she was almost three months old, and that was only because Dawn was calling Buffy a horrible mother in the background. Honestly, there was no slip up in communication, Buffy just chickened out about a thousand times in telling Giles. Seeing Giles hold the little girl on his lap, completely lost in Jule's movements, told Buffy that she was being silly. She couldn't understand why she hid things from Giles, he was always surprisingly understanding. He did clean his glasses a few times when Buffy told him that Spike was the father.  
  
"That's interesting, so is she part of some prophecy." Giles asked, still cleaning his glasses.  
  
Buffy hadn't even told him about Spike. After this Giles will be taking the first flight to LA to poke and prod at Spike she thought to herself.  
  
"Uh, well Spike kinda took this trip. And there was sorta some sorta trial. And he like passed it, and because he won he got the grand daddy of all grand prizes. He was made human."  
  
Giles then dropped his glasses and stared at Buffy. He had never heard of this happening. He didn't even think it was possible. He had no clue what to say. Buffy continued for him.  
  
"He was completely, well is, completely human Giles. No vamps perks or weaknesses. Soul, as far as I can tell. He cried a lot in his sleep, guilt I'm assuming. Actually, please don't kill me, but he kind of turned into Giles Jr. I mean he was really into books, and he started dressing all preppy, but he was really sensitive and polite. It was so annoying."  
  
"So what happened Buffy? If he got his soul, why isn't he here with you?"  
  
"Long story Giles. I mean things were OK when he first came back, but then I got pregnant. Because I'm stupid and wasn't thinking about the whole sperm not dead anymore thing. Sorry, didn't mean to gross you out. Not that I would give up Julia for anything. She's the only reason I get up out of bed half the time anymore. After he found out he was going to be a father, he was super clingy. We decided, well actually I decided that we needed some space. I don't know how things got so out of hand. It just never seemed to be the right time to make amends. One thing led to another and before I knew it I had driven him out of Sunnydale and into LA."  
  
"Well, that sounds interesting. Does he bother to see Julia or did he pack up and start a new life?"  
  
"Giles, I have no clue what he's doing up there. You'd have to ask Dawn, those two are like two peas in a twisted, freakish pod. He actually wishes that he saw her more often. He takes her every other weekend and sends me about a thousand dollars a month for child support. He's a great Dad. If nothing else believe that. It's not all his fault that he left. I pushed him. Don't go up there and stake him or anything. Well, actually I guess if you did that you'd be looking at time in prison."  
  
"Well, Buffy, if you don't blame him, why don't you apologize? Why don't you try to make amends?"  
  
"It's not that simple Giles. It goes way beyond "Hey, I'm sorry I beat the crap out of you and called you mean names' type thing. This is for the best. We both need our space. Maybe in a year or two we can begin to bridge the gap, but for now it's almost a relief not to have to look into his hurt blue eyes anymore. It's really for the best."  
  
Giles looked at his charge. Another pang of guilt waved over him for returning once more to England. He wasn't sure why. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it. Spike had proven on more than one occasion that he was smitten with Buffy beyond belief. And the sadness that filled Buffy only further proved his assumption that she too was in love with Spike. Giles had never cared for Spike as a person, well demon. Actually Spike was like the son that Giles never wanted and was always disappointed of. He could insult the imbecile all he wanted, but he was always quick to jump to vampire's defense. He sighed and reached over to hold Buffy's hand.  
  
"Buffy, you have been through worse. You'll pull through this."  
  
"I know. But that's part of the problem. I'm sick of just pulling through things. I want to be happy, but it's like this stubborn little thorn in my side won't let me be. Spike and I could have probably been content. But, it's like he wasn't event he same person. The snide remarks, the cocky attitude, the brutal honesty - it was all gone Giles. He was like William, well I'm assuming from what Spike told me of him. Isn't a relationship supposed to have passion Giles? I'm only twenty three years old, I wasn't ready to be an old married woman. Does that make any sense?"  
  
"I know it's been hard for you Buffy. I do understand. But did you ever stop to consider what it was like for Spike? What he went through, for you? He went through all of that to have it thrown back in his face, by the one person that he did it for. You know that Spike isn't my ideal choice for a son-in-law, but you seem to be a little self-centered about the matter." Giles stated as gently as he could.  
  
Buffy stared at Giles. Part of her was pissed because he was on Spike's side too, and he hadn't even met human Spike yet. Part of her knew he was right, just like everyone else. She simply decided to take the middle road on the matter.  
  
"Giles. I never asked him to do what he did. I never even hinted at it. He always felt that I was comparing him to Angel. To be honest, I never even sorted out how I felt about him. I never got to know him well enough to." Buffy added sheepishly.  
  
"Maybe you two should take some time and let some wounds heal. If nothing else, it's obvious that this little girl is loved a great deal."  
  
"Yeah, Spike totally spoils her. It's a bitch getting her to do anything when she gets back from Daddy's house." Buffy said lightly.  
  
Giles grinned at the small girl on his lap that was contentedly chewing on her hands. *This is definitely Spike's child* Giles thought to himself as he bounced the ten month old up and down on his lap.  
  
"How is everything else going on? I know I left in a hurry that last summer, but it was imperative to get Willow help as soon as possible."  
  
"I know Giles. Aside from a human Spike and Julia it's been pretty tame. After two years Xander and Anya can stand to be in the same room with one another. Dawn's going off to UCLA next year. She's not sure if she's going into the creative writing or the art program yet. I'm sure she'll be happier to be closer to Spike. Ever since he left, it's been a very strained relationship between us. She blames me for Spike leaving. She has every right in the world to. I, per usual, acted and then thought about it after the fact."  
  
"What happened, Buffy. I mean what was the final straw."  
  
"I hit him Giles. I mean really hit him. I almost dislocated his jaw. It's like this blind hatred washed over me. I've had a really hard time dealing with that. In all my years of slaying, that was the first time I ever abused my power to that extent. After he left I started doing the meditating that you first introduced me to. It's helped a lot."  
  
"Buffy, I'm glad that you realized that what you did was wrong. It's beyond wrong, but it's in the past. I think that perhaps you should try to apologize for that simple act and go from there."  
  
"God, Giles. I can't face him. It's been over six months since I've even seen him."  
  
"If nothing else, try to write him a letter. At least let him know that you still think about him. I know he loves you, but not even he isn't going to wait around for you forever."  
  
Buffy looked at Giles and instantly agreed with him. So much could have been avoided if he had been here this whole time. As stubborn and as pig headed as she was, Giles had been then one person that could usually get through to her. They talked about Willow's progress for awhile. Giles told her that even though it had been two years, the girl was still pretty shaken up and wasn't ready for the outside world yet. The Wiccan Council made it sound as if Willow would be ready for visitors within the next six months or so. That made Buffy smile slightly. For all the trouble that Willow had caused, she was still her best friend. And Buffy missed that friend deeply. The conversation finally turned toward Spike once more.  
  
"So, you're going to go up to LA to poke and prod at Spike, aren't you?" Buffy asked coyly.  
  
"Well, I have to admit, it is tempting. Who would believe me unless I had some documentation. This really is fascinating. Spike has always been a unique specimen, but he has surpassed Angel now in the vampire freak show category."  
  
Buffy chuckled slightly at Giles enthusiasm toward Spike's case. She wished that she could have found that same sort of enthusiasm.  
  
"Go ahead Giles. Try to be back in time for Julia's birthday party though. Oh, and try to keep a low profile. Angel and the gang have done a really good job of making the demon population either believe that Spike is dead or that he's off with Dru somewhere."  
  
"I can understand why they would do that." Giles simply replied.  
  
"It's beyond weird. Dawn was telling me that Angel and Spike were the best of buds these day. Strange."  
  
"Maybe not everyone thought that the humanization of Spike was a big of a downfall as you did." Giles answered matter of factly.  
  
Giles left Buffy to chew on those words while he made hotel arrangements in LA. He could have stayed with Angel. But in all truthfulness the Watcher liked Angel even less than he liked Spike. 


	25. Chapter 25

He Didn't Mean To - March 2009  
  
Chapter Twenty-Five  
  
Spike finally got it together enough to wrap the raw claw marks on his forearms and chest. The demon was pissed at William's weakness. But even though the girl wasn't dead he had a pretty good snack and he was sure that the girl was going to run and tell the rest the gang about what good old Spike was up to. Fine with him. He felt even more powerful after tasting the key's blood. He lightly whistled to himself while he put his 'Spike' clothes on. Docs, black jeans, black T-shirt, red buttoned down shirt, and duster. He felt so at home in this ensemble. He had always felt like he was at a masquerade ball in his other clothes. That whole life was just a lame play the demon thought to itself.  
  
Spike gathered a few more items into a duffel bag. Mostly stuff he could pawn. He grabbed his check book and noticed that the poofter had over ten grand in his savings account. Spike had no problem with knicking what he needed, but it was also nice to have a cushion like this. He should have no problems setting up shop. He'll just have to go to the bank and withdraw the money before the rest of them could find it. He threw the few blood bags he had left from when Angel stopped by in the bag as well. He needed to hurry, and while Dawn had been a nice snack, he wasn't sure if he would have a chance to feed again before the night was over.  
  
Once he had gathered his belongs, he went under the sink and found a big can of lighter fluid. He started in Julia's room and drenched every inch of the apartment with it. As he walked out the door he lit a match and tossed it into the apartment. *Good bye William the Sappy and hello Big Bad* Spike thought evilly as he left the apartment complex.  
  
****************************  
  
Angel and Wesley pulled up to Spike's building and noticed that half of it was aflame. There were fire trucks and ambulances surrounding the building. At least two dozen tenants stood around in their pajamas, completely dazed. Angel and Wes hopped out of the convertible and headed toward the scene. They found an elderly woman holding an orange striped cat. Angel recognized her has being the woman that lived next door to Spike.  
  
"Mrs. Reed, it's Angel, William's friend."  
  
"Oh, Angel dear. I hope you aren't here to see William. He's nowhere to be found. There were some strange things going on right before the fire."  
  
"Like what?" Angel pressed.  
  
"Well, you know his girlfriend. What's her name? Sweet thing. Very pretty, brings his daughter up to see him on the weekends. What is her name?" Mrs. Reed began to carefully think about the girl's name.  
  
"Dawn." Angel supplied, attempting to be as patient as possible.  
  
"Yes, that's it. Such a pretty name. Well, I could hear her and William fighting about something, which is strange, because I don't think I have ever even heard William raise his voice, let alone scream at someone. I wasn't eavesdropping; they were just being very loud. Well I opened the door a crack, because I was going to go over there to see what the problem was. Well, just as I opened the door, Dawn comes running out with his daughter, what is his little girl's name. It's a pretty name." Mrs. Reed began to space off again.  
  
"Julia." Angel provided once more, gritting his teeth.  
  
"Yes. Well, I figure they just got into a lover's quarrel. You know how passionate young folks are. Well, I was sitting there watching my stories. Do you ever watch The West Wing. I just love that show. Martin Sheen is such a handsome young man."  
  
"Can't say I've ever seen it." Angel replied trying to keep his temper in check and push the interrogation along.  
  
"Well, I was watching my stories and then my fire alarm started to go off. I opened the door and saw the hallway was starting to fill with smoke. I then saw a young man with bleached hair and a long black leather coat running down the hallway. I would have sworn he was laughing. I certainly don't think there is anything funny about a fire. I just hope William is OK. He's such a sweet boy. He took me to the grocery store and the library every Wednesday, and he was always bringing me flowers. Such a nice boy, I do hope they find him."  
  
Angel patted the old woman on the shoulder to comfort her before he turned towards Wesley.  
  
"This is bad Wes."  
  
"Well, in the words of Xander and Willow - 'Duh.'" Wesley responded.  
  
"Looks like Spike is back. Back with a big hard on for some good old fashioned vengeance at that."  
  
"At least Dawn got out of there safe. And she has Julia. I am not looking forward to telling Buffy. What are we going to do Angel?"  
  
"We gotta stop Spike before he actually hurts or kills someone. Then we kick the shit out of him until we beat some sense into him."  
  
"Or we could talk to Dawn and find out what we're dealing with."  
  
"Why do you always have to do that, smarty pants?" Angel demanded.  
  
"What?" Wesley asked innocently.  
  
"Make sense." Angel responded in jest.  
  
The two made it back to the car and headed back toward the hotel.  
  
*********************************  
  
Dawn came bursting through the doors of the hotel and dropped Julia before she collapsed on the ground. Willow and Fred came rushing over to help her up. Fred screamed for everyone to come down to the lobby. Willow helped Dawn to the couch while Fred attempted to console the bloodied infant. Fred was in a panic because she wasn't sure if the blood was from Dawn or from the child. She ran toward the kitchen to grab some soap, water, rags, bandages, and disinfectant.  
  
Buffy was the first to come down the stairs and let out a shallow scream when all of her worse fears were confirmed. She saw Dawn laying on the couch, that was now covered in her blood, she then looked over at Julia, when she saw all the blood she just dropped to her knees. She honestly wasn't sure how much more she could take.  
  
Just as Fred emerged from that kitchen carrying supplies Wesley came busting through the front door of the lobby, leaving a very irritated Angel at the door. Wes screamed at Fred to invite him in. Fred did and Angel came running in to meet the little girl who was still screaming for her mother or her father. Angel lifted the little girl and consoled her. Soon her whales died down and he set her down in the seat at the front desk, he didn't detect any wounds on the girl, she was just frightened.  
  
Anya, Gunn, Cordelia, Lorne, Xander, and Connor all came rushing down the stairs. Anya let out a silent gasp as she laid her eyes on Dawn's bloodied body. Cordelia calmly walked over to the girl and kneeled next to her, taking one of Dawn's bloodied hands into her own.  
  
"Spike - he didn't mean to." Was all Dawn managed to get out before she passed out.  
  
Everyone gave one another cryptic glances before Cordelia told everyone to back off. Cordelia took Dawn into her arms and held her close. A bright green light began to emancipate from her body. It filled the entire room, and for the first time in over forty-eight hours there was complete calm throughout the room. A few tears slid down Cordelia's face as she held the former key. The light eventually died down, and when Cordelia laid Dawn back on the couch the puncture wounds were completely healed. Dawn was still caked in blood, but she would live. Cordelia felt light headed and Angel helped her over to the couch.  
  
"That was amazing, what did you do?" Was all Xander could spit out.  
  
"I just advanced the healing process by a few weeks. She'll be fine. She'll probably be out for the night though. She's been through a lot."  
  
"You went through everything she did, didn't you?" Buffy asked somberly.  
  
"Yes, but it's not my place to say anything. I know she had a rough night, but we should leave it to her to tell us the tale. I don't want to misinterpret anything, or reveal anything that she didn't want revealed. It's been a long night for all of us. I think we should all go back to bed and pick up on this in the morning."  
  
"Good idea. Cordy, could you help us out with something first?" Willow asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Well, I was thinking that Dawn and Jules would like to get all the bloody stickiness off of them before they go to sleep. Could you help Fred clean up Julia? I don't think Buff's in the moving kind of mood right now. Anya and I will get Dawn up to the shower. Actually, Xan - you think you could carry Dawn upstairs to the bathroom? We can handle it from there." Willow said. She liked being assertive about something, even if it was such a small thing as a bath. It made her feel good, it made her feel like her.  
  
Xander helped take Dawn upstairs while Fred and Cordelia cleaned up Julia and put her in one of Angel's old shirts to sleep in. Angel carried a hysterical Buffy up to her room and laid her down. He gently set her in the bed, kissing her forehead, swearing that everything would work out. Cordelia and Angel decided that it would be best if Julia stayed with them that night. The little girl had a big enough scare, she needed a calming presence. And few people were more calming than Cordelia. 


	26. Chapter 26

Ripper Pays a Visit - April 2004 Chapter Twenty-Six  
  
Spike threw his briefcase and suit jacket on the couch and went into the kitchen to grab a beer. In his mind there weren't enough words to describe how much he hated his job. It was tiresome, the hours were long, and most of his colleagues stared at him like he was a circus freak. Spike would occasionally have moments where he felt like he was the old William, and this was definitely one of those moments.  
  
He plopped on the couch and turned the Dodger's game on. He stared at the black box numbly while he tried to figure out how his life had managed to get to the point of sucking as bad as it did.  
  
His job at the museum had started out well. The director was thoroughly impressed with Spike's fake resume. His brilliance and knowledge for such a young age impressed the rest of the staff as well. Spike would often feel like he was cheating his way through life, because he had a good hundred plus years on the rest of the planet. He attempted to be sociable, but it was difficult for him. He hadn't had much experience with the outside world.  
  
The museum and the high school in Sunnydale were in an entirely different league from LA. The staffs had been fairly small, and they pretty much kept to themselves. The Hellmouth often had that affect on people though. Post of the residents were naturally distrustful of others and hesitated to make new friends. Everyone in the town knew there was something creepy and wrong going on, but it was simply a nagging feeling at the back of their minds, rarely did people move out of town because of their tiny fears of what went bump in the night. No one had any clue about how long they were going to live, or the person next to them for that matter. Why make friends with strangers was the popular consensus.  
  
Spike could be very charming and persuasive for short periods of time. It became increasingly difficult to make polite chit chat the better he got to know someone, or the better they got to know him. No one in his new life knew what he had been, nor would they have believed him if he would have told them. Spike would sit in the lunchroom and attempt to avoid eye contact with anyone, while he had his nose stuck studiously in a book. He didn't want to lie to these people, his gift for it had slipped a little with the damn soul hanging around. He also knew how easy it was to get caught up in a lie. He would maintain vague answers where ever possible. Some of his female co-workers just thought he was playing hard to get. They just assumed that William was playing the part of the shy intellect.  
  
The women that Spike worked with were mostly vain, self-involved, and thoughtless toward others. They never once considered that Spike might actually not want them. Poor Will was bullied into taking a few of the women out. He had been polite and paid like he was expected, but he was always distant. These women were dull and boring, nothing like his Summer's girls. Spike warded off their advances, insisting that he needed to be alone for awhile, he had a bad break-up. His colleagues assumed that if he didn't want them, then he must be gay.  
  
So then Spike was unwittingly tricked into going out on a date with Mike, from payroll. Spike was actually having a pretty good time, it was the most relaxed he had been in awhile. He did find it strange that Mike kept touching him though, he shrugged it off. He was in no way homophobic, just because he and Xander had avoided touching one another at all costs didn't mean that guy touching was wrong. The two had gone to a local boxing match and a new bar and grill that was in the downtown area. Spike began to feel weird when Mike insisted on walking him to the door. At the front door, Mike kissed Spike, full on the lips. Will backed off and stared at his 'date.' Spike knew that guy touching was allowed, but the kissing was just simply invading his personal space. Mike realized he had made a mistake and apologized.  
  
They sorted the whole thing out and had a good laugh. But by the time Spike returned to work that Monday it was all over that no one was good enough for his highness, and he was cast off to the side. After his disastrous attempt at a social life, he usually just stayed in. He missed his friends in Sunnydale, as few and far between as they were. They all knew what he had been, and what he was going through now.  
  
Xander would come up on occasion, but he was busy supervising three different construction sites. The Magic Box was opened six days a week, so he rarely saw Anya. Dawn was the only one that came up regularly. He would talk to Angel on occasion, but the conversations were usually short and awkward. They had both done so many things to one another that neither knew what was considered safe conversation. Neither one was ready to joke about tying each other up and torturing one another, or about killing innocent people, or that time that Angel snatched Dru from him.  
  
Spike trudged through his mundane and uneventful existence. He often missed fighting. Fists and fangs, backed into a wall with no hope of escape. Those were the days he missed. Perhaps he only enjoyed the fight so much because he had felt invincible at the time. Now, he was weak and vulnerable, and he knew it.  
  
He simply gave up on feeling sorry for himself, and went to bed alone once again.  
  
************************************** The next afternoon Spike was walking home from the movies, whistling an old Ramone's tune, when he passed a pet store. Inside the display window were five pug puppies, two cream colored with black muzzles and three pure black ones. Spike knew that both Dawn and Julia would fall in love with one of the little tikes. He picked the one with just a hint of black in it's tail, looked like he was a bit of a rebel, just like Will had once been. He cradled the small dog in his arm as he made his way home, not even having the slightest clue that one day the small dog would save him from killing his own daughter.  
  
Spike made his way up to his apartment, only to find Giles sitting there in his living room, waiting for him.  
  
"Hello Ripper." Spike exclaimed as he walked through the door.  
  
Spike wasn't the least bit surprised that Giles had picked the lock with such ease. Spike knew exactly what good ol' Rupes used to be. Spike put Spike Jr. on the floor to wander around his new home, he then turned to Giles.  
  
"Nice to see you didn't scratch my lock up too much when you picked it." Spike said lightly.  
  
"I didn't leave any scratches." Giles responded.  
  
Giles looked Spike over, trying to get a feel for the stranger before him. Spike grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and came back to the living room, sitting across from Giles.  
  
"Well Rupes, figure you're here for one of two things. Either your grubby little Watcher hands fancied the idea of playing doctor with the former vampire turned human, or Buffy gave you some sob story about how I knocked her up and skipped town and you're here to put me out of my misery."  
  
"Spike, I had the privilege of speaking with Dawn, Xander, and Anya before I came out here. I realize that Buffy has a tendency to play the victim when it comes to you. She has taken the majority of blame though Spike. I doubt that makes you feel any better, but I thought you should know that she does indeed miss you for some strange reason."  
  
"Thanks mate. I'm to the point now that I'm beginning to believe that the Slayer and I are like oil and vinegar - 'un-mixy things' as she would say. Maybe it's for the best this way."  
  
"Now Spike, I'm not going to hide the fact that I loathe the idea of you and Buffy being together, but I also want more than anything for her to be happy. I may choose not to notice things from time to time, but there is no denying the sadness in her eyes when she speaks of you."  
  
"Rupert, I know that you mean well by coming up here, but I am just too tired for the games. It's taken six months, six months of dying in this body to realize that things will never be right between me and the Slayer. There's too much history there, and most of it's not good. Truthfully, we don't trust each other. I've accepted it. I lost, and I'm finally starting to deal with it. Don't come back here and get my hopes up once more. I don't think this frail human body can handle much more."  
  
"I agree that both of you need your space. It is too soon. I think that may have been the problem from the start, the two of you never did think anything out. You, my dear boy always did let your heart do the thinking for you, even if it wasn't beating, and Buffy always needed to be strong, so she was forever denying what her heart told her. You both went too quickly, there was too much, too soon, and you both literally drove one another away from each other. This is between you and Buffy though, I think after the hate has died down a little, you two might be able to communicate with each other without the aid of weapons, cruel words, or Dawn. Best to leave it for now though."  
  
"I know. That's why I came up here. I knew she needed me away, and as much as I hate to admit it, I was slightly relieved to be away from her. It is for the best right now. I know you didn't come all this way to give me a pep talk about my unlove life. So when do the tests begin? You have a soul detector on you?"  
  
"So you do have a soul then?"  
  
"Must be Giles. I know I always made fun of Angel for being a poofter and for brooding all the time. I completely understand why now. I have to take to valium every night just to get a few hours of sleep. I felt the guilt a little when I was a vampire, but it was magnified by about five- hundred times when I got my bright happy soul. It's getting easier, but it's not like I can go to therapy for it. What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, doc, I killed half of Europe about a hundred years ago and now I feel really bad about it?" How lame it that?"  
  
"It's understandable that it has taken you awhile to come to terms with your humanity. I'm not going to begin to understand what it's like for you. In so many ways, it's worse than what happened to Angel?"  
  
"How's that Ripper?"  
  
"Angel, assuming he doesn't get the sharp end of a stick, has a millennia to attempt to right the wrongs he committed. He has the ability to do good on a grander scale because of his advanced powers. I imagine you feel helpless about your position, and I reckon a tad bit scared. It's been a long time since you have felt so vulnerable, hasn't it?"  
  
"I know that's part of it. I have what, another fifty, sixty years absolute tops to make up for hundred years worth of killing. And I also know that there is no way to make up for what I did. I wanted to try, and I was attempting to atone for my actions before the soul fiasco, but now it just seems so pointless. I'm a fucking boy scout now, and I still feel like shit all of the time. Sometimes I think I hear voices, voices of those I killed, but I try to block it out. Why is it so hard?"  
  
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that Spike because I honestly don't know. Perhaps there is a higher purpose for you. From what I have heard you have quite a knack with languages and old texts. You know that Angel could always use your help. Perhaps you aren't the power house that you once were, but that doesn't mean you can't help with the quest for good. Xander has no super powers, but he's always the first one at Buffy's side. You still have plenty of power to do good."  
  
"I've translated a few things for Wesley, but I never told Angel about it. Angel and I - well it's more awkward than Buffy and I. We literally tortured one another, in so many ways. It's hard to have a conversation with him. I know we hold resentments towards each other, mostly because of Buffy. It's strange, Xander and I became friends within weeks of my returning. But I suspected the only reason he really hated me was because of the vampire thing, Angel is a completely different story."  
  
"Spike, perhaps this is just another boundary you have to overcome. You two share such a strong bond, now more than ever. You joke about not being able to seek therapy, when the one being with the most experience in the field is right under your nose."  
  
"Good point. I know that you want to feel my heart beat and test my eye sight and hearing and all that rot, but I'm famished right now. You wanna grab something to eat, and we can do the tests and all that at another time?"  
  
"Dinner sounds like an excellent idea. I admit I practically ran up here when Buffy told me about you, but a few hours isn't going to make that much of a difference."  
  
With that the two grabbed their coats and made their way towards the restaurant. Spike was already feeling better, having someone to talk to about his poor tortured soul. 


	27. Chapter 27

Worries and Fears - March 2009 Chapter Twenty-Seven  
  
Dawn woke the next morning in the Fred's old room. The memories of the previous night came flooding back to her. She felt as if she was going to vomit when she thought about Spike's razor sharp fangs slicing through her neck. The sickening sound of him guzzling her blood chilled her to the bone. Her hand reached to feel where he had bitten her. Much to her surprise she only felt two small puncture wounds that had already scarred over. Over the years Dawn had read numerous vampire erotica novels, and they always raved about how erotic it was to be bitten. Dawn had felt nothing even close to arousal when Spike had sunk his teeth in her. She felt fear and betrayal with a hint of bitterness that she so willingly threw herself into Spike's arms. She should have known better the moment Spike had said he wanted her. There had been times when he had settled for her, but Spike had always been in love with her sister.  
  
Dawn was silently cursing who ever it was that had healed her. She wasn't supposed to feel good, she was supposed to either be in extreme anguish and pain, or dead. She had betrayed Buffy in the worst way imaginable, and she had almost gotten Julia killed in the process. Dawn was in the mood to punish herself for her selfish actions, not to have woken up that morning, physically feeling refreshed.  
  
She hung her head low as she made her way to the shower. She didn't want to have to make eye contact in case she ran into someone on the way to the bathroom. She felt dirty and violated. She made her way to the bathroom and peeled her still bloodied clothes from her body. She reached over and turned on the water as hot as it would go. Dawn meticulously pulled her long hair back and stared at the bite mark. It was pale and shaped like two half moons. It was slightly raised and Dawn knew it would never completely fade away. She was disgusted with herself for fantasizing about Spike biting her when she had been a teenager and he was still a vampire. She looked at her face, there were dark circles under her eyes, and her eyes were blood shot from crying so much.  
  
Dawn stepped into the shower and attempted to scrub the guilt away from her body. She scrubbed until it was almost raw and pink. She could feel his kisses and caresses all over her body and she hated it. She had willingly let him do it. She was so blind to what he really was that he didn't even have to attempt to force himself on her. She had readily let Spike undress her. Dawn felt sick once more and stumbled out of the shower in time to empty the contents of her stomach in the toilet. With the shower still going, a cold, wet, naked Dawn crawled to the corner of the bathroom. She sat there on the cold tile, her knees pulled up to her chin, her hands covering her face. She had finally lost it.  
  
************************************  
  
Angel and Cordelia were laying in bed while Julia slept soundly. What Cordelia has seen through Dawn's eyes was too disturbing to keep to herself. She had seen whatever had been going through the younger woman's mind at the time of Spike's assault. It truly was weep worthy. She finally decided to confide in her best friend and lover. After she was done telling her sordid tale to Angel he just stared at his dark haired beauty in disbelief.  
  
"Oh, Dawn." Was all he could say at first.  
  
"Angel, what are we going to do? Buffy's already a little cracked, she is going to be completely gone when she finds out what happened between Dawn and Spike."  
  
"I'll talk to Dawn in a few minutes. Hopefully no one else noticed that she ran in here last night only wearing a bra."  
  
"It's not just Buffy though. Dawn is mentally torturing herself over everything. She's been letting all of this build up over the course of the last decade. It really started with Glory and her guilt over being the cause of Buffy's death. She blames herself enough as it is over Spike and Buffy's strained relationship. I think last night may have put her in overload. She thinks she's the reason that Spike's apartment building got torched, she's the reason that Julia's life was put in danger. I wouldn't be surprised if she believed that she was responsible for Spike getting turned. God Angel, I thought you beat yourself up a lot. You have nothing on this girl."  
  
"None of us ever bothered to see it. I guess we all took happy understanding Dawn for granted. She knew we all had our own problems, and she didn't want to burden any of us. We never took her relationship with Spike seriously, or her feelings for him, for that matter."  
  
"Honey, the only thing we can do now is go from here. We need to help her get through this. What if our last resort is to stake Spike? The only thing left of that girl will be a shell if we don't do something."  
  
"I just want to be so pissed at something right now, but there is nothing to direct the anger towards. We have no idea what happened, what's going to happen, or how we're going to deal with it. I'm just so frustrated right now. Spike's a vamp again, Buffy's damn near catatonic, Dawn has a masochist complex at the moment, and we have a hotel full of people that can't leave."  
  
"I would say 'just calm down and breath' but I guess that would really work out all that well for you. Why don't you go wake Dawn up, that way we can talk to her before she has to make her group speech later this morning."  
  
Angel somberly nodded and kissed his girl before he made his way to Dawn's room.  
  
********************************  
  
It was about 6:30 am. Too early to get up, but too late to go back to sleep. Willow, Anya, and Xander stared at one another in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. They had all had the same dream about their dear friend William torturing and killing them, and they all woke with a start at the same time. Xander was in the bed closest to the door, while the ex-vengeance demon and the ex-wiccan shared the next bed over. Finally Willow got the courage to speak up.  
  
"Badness is coming isn't it? You guys had the same dream I did, didn't you?" Willow began.  
  
"Yes and it was rather unpleasant. I did not enjoy seeing my shopping buddy poking at me with hot pokers." Anya complained.  
  
"When is it all going to end?" Xander asked to no one in particular.  
  
"Hey, did you guys notice that Dawn wasn't wearing a shirt last night when she ran in here? I know that shouldn't have been thing to notice, but it was kind of strange. It would be one thing if she had been working out, but she had a skirt and heeled boots on. You don't think Spike, you know, tried to rape her or anything, do you?"  
  
"Remember what Dawn said though. She said it wasn't his fault. That and even when Spike was the king prick of all vampires, from what I read - stop smirking An - Spike was never big with the rape, he was more for the mass murdering quick kill kind of thing." Xander responded.  
  
"We have no idea what Spike is now though, Xander. Does he still have the soul? Is it the same demon? How strong is he now? I don't think we should speculate until we talk to Dawn. It just seems that every time we assume something it blows up in our faces." Anya replied.  
  
"Anya's right. We need to have all of the information before we start on a man hunt. Spike has been our friend for the last six years. Actually, I kind of considered him a friend when he was still a vampire." Willow added.  
  
"There is just so many ways that this is messed up. I mean Spike worked so hard to become human, sacrificed so many things, just to have it all blow up in his face a few years later." Xander said.  
  
"Sounds like Spike's MO to me. I mean he always had these grand schemes and they always backfired, I suppose this isn't any different." Anya said thoughtfully.  
  
"You guys want to go ahead and get some grub? There is no way I can go back to sleep after that house of horrors sequence." Willow said, wanting to end the conversation before she completely broke down into tears.  
  
The three friends then hurriedly dressed and went down to the kitchen to get something to eat.  
  
******************************  
  
Buffy stared at the ceiling. She hadn't moved from that position in nearly five hours. Her mind was racing. It seemed like every time she told herself that things couldn't get any worse, they immediately got worse. Be careful for what you wish for she thought to herself bitterly. All of these years she scoffed at her poor sweet William because he wasn't her 'evil' vampire anymore. And now he truly is her evil vampire once more. Only actually really evil this time, and without a chip. She worried about having to kill him, she was afraid it would be like Angel all over again. She wouldn't be able to do it, and Spike would end up killing one of her friends.  
  
She loved Spike so much, and she never had the chance to tell him the way she wanted to. That wasn't true, she had had a million chances and she never did. She always thought that there would be another day to do it. Her masterful skills in the art of procrastination backfired a little on her this time. The next time she saw Spike it would be more likely that she would be putting a stake through his heart than confessing her undying love for him.  
  
Poor Dawn, Buffy thought. She should have never left her and Julia alone. Who knows what Spike did to her? Buffy knew that Dawn was in love with Spike, it had progressed far beyond a crush years ago. And she truly felt sorry for Dawn, and she understood why her younger sister was so bitter towards her. Spike had been the major point of their arguments over the last few years. It was a sick and weird triangle that Buffy had never figured out. She was glad that Dawn was OK, Dawn was going to live and that was what mattered.  
  
Buffy then thought about Julia. What was she going to tell her daughter if she had to kill Jules' father? 'Sorry I killed your Daddy honey, he was a bad man.' But that wasn't true, Spike/William the person wasn't bad, he was actually a pretty great guy. It was the damn demon festering in there was mucking everything up for everyone.  
  
Buffy knew that the sooner Dawn spilled her tale about the previous evenings events, the sooner that the scoobies plus extended members would have at least a little to go on. With that she slowly got dressed and went downstairs to grab some breakfast.  
  
*****************************  
  
Gunn and Fred were doing their morning stretches. Usually they would go for a two mile jog, but seeing how everyone was on house arrest, they cooperatively stayed in their room to exercise. They both felt like outsiders. Everyone seemed to know everyone else. They were both on friendly terms with Dawn and Spike, but they had never shared more than a few words with Xander, Willow, Anya, or Buffy. Well, Fred had talked to Willow a few times and found her fascinating, but the others just seemed odd to her.  
  
"So let me get this straight. I swear I will get it right this time." Gunn began. "The red head used to do magic, but she killed some dude in a magic induced rage after he killed her lover."  
  
"Good sweetie." Fred said supportively.  
  
"The blond used to be a vengeance demon and she was going to marry the other dude with them, but they didn't and now they just date?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"That guy Xander, he's doesn't have any freakish super human powers, right?"  
  
"Normal like us."  
  
"I wouldn't go that far. I thought Angel was kind of weird, but these guys are freaks beyond freaks. The slayer had a kid with Spike, but she kicked his ass to the curb and he started going out with the little sister, but then they broke up?"  
  
"Afraid so. It's all very confusing to me too."  
  
"I dunno, those Summer's girls are pretty hot, I could see how Will would want to taste a little of both worlds. Although I can't see how geeky Will ever got laid." Gunn said mischievously.  
  
Fred playfully hit her boyfriend and the two wrestled to the ground. Needless to say, they did not make it down the stairs any time soon.  
  
*********************  
  
Wesley and Giles were holed up in the archives room. Ancient scrolls and texts were tossed throughout the room. They had both come to respect Spike as a scholar and both had sorely wished he had been there to help them.  
  
"This would be so much easier if Spike was here." Wesley said, tossing a very heavy book into the discard pile.  
  
"Well, if Spike were here, we wouldn't need to be doing this." Giles responded dryly.  
  
"I had never seen anything like it though Rupert. Spike would pick up a text with an old forgotten language he had never seen before and would be able to decipher it correctly within a matter of hours. He was quite literally a genius. He read and spoke over thirty languages, and those were just the ones I knew of."  
  
"Yes, Spike in his human form was quite a modest chap. So many times we would have been lost without him."  
  
The two watchers sighed and began digging through more books. Soon Wesley motioned for Giles to put his book down.  
  
"I think I know why Spike appears to be even more violent than he was before."  
  
"Why is it I don't think I'm going to like the sound of this." Giles replied, taking his glasses off to clean them.  
  
"This is an account of a vampire, Marcus that was given the gift of humanity in the late fourteenth century. He wasn't made human, but through a trial of sorts, his demon was cast away and he was rewarded with a soul. He remained that way for about fifty years until his long lost lover found him and turned him. It says here that when Marcus was turned again that he came back with such rage, that he literally went on to kill over a thousand men within a matter of days, burning entire villages to the ground. An angry mob finally caught up with the overly raged vampire and burned him at the stake."  
  
"Does it say why this Marcus came back so violent?"  
  
Wesley reached over and grabbed another text and skimmed it.  
  
"This is an ancient demon testament of sorts. It's a bible, only for demons, it's half fact, half fiction kind of thing. It says that if a demon of a half breed cannot contain it's host, it's sent to a kind of limbo. It's not exactly hell, but it's not exactly a picnic either. It's more or less tortured for not being able to keep a hold of its host. I guess, that luckily for us, Spike has only been human for approximately six years, so there might still be a chance to save his humanity."  
  
"How far are we willing to go to save Spike though? I think that's the question we need to sort through when we talk to the others later."  
  
Wesley and Giles stared at one another glumly before attempting to research for more information.  
  
*************************************  
  
Connor and Lorne were in the basement double checking all the barricades to the sewer and doing a weapons inventory.  
  
"Could you read Dawn at all?" Connor asked hopefully.  
  
"Kiddo, there were so many vibes in that room last night, that I often couldn't keep straight what I was thinking, let alone anyone else."  
  
"I just worry about her. I know she hasn't had it easy. Dawn's been trying to keep it together for so many years because of her crazy sister that I'm just afraid that she's just going to break."  
  
"Dawn's a strong kid. She'll pull through this. Spike is the one I'm worried about." Lorne replied.  
  
"I always liked him. Even when I first came back here and still didn't trust demons. I know he was human when I first met him, but he really proved to me that demons could change and not all of them were evil and wanted to destroy the world."  
  
"Spike taught us all a lot about ourselves. He was truly gifted with his insight. I just can't believe this is happening. Who would have thought that we would be barricading ourselves in the hotel and hiding from Will?"  
  
"I know it's not funny, but it is a little." Connor chuckled. "Two weeks ago the worst thing that Will could do was threaten to give us a paper cut with one of his musty old books, and now, well I think even Dad is scared for all of us."  
  
"Angel and Spike have been through more than any of us will comprehend. I trust that if Angel fears Spike, then there truly is something to fear." Lorne said.  
  
With that the two continued there respective jobs, not looking forward to all the tears and anguish that would surely follow in the up coming days. They were also not fully prepared to deal with the fact that they indeed might have to kill someone that was once a good friend of theirs. 


	28. Chapter 28

Seeing Red - November 2004 Chapter Twenty-Eight  
  
Spike got off the plane, slightly jet lagged. It had been a long time since he had flown to England. Actually he had never *flown* to England, but it had been a long damn time since he had stepped foot on English soil. He made is way through the airport with his carry on bag, searching for Giles. Giles was standing next to the luggage pickup, waiting for Spike. The two shook hands and made their way to Giles' car. The way to the Watchers Council was mostly silent and a little nerve racking.  
  
"So, how is Red doing?"  
  
"She's holding up. She come a long way in the last two and a half years. She'll be grateful to see a familiar face, aside from me." Giles responded.  
  
Spike's journey served a few purposes. Willow was ready to see visitors finally. Giles thought it best for her to see someone that wasn't directly involved in her dark decent into magic. Spike was half way around the world when the Evil Willow scene went down, so Giles thought it best that Spike be her first visitor. Xander had been pissed and irritated, but both Spike and Giles had convinced him that this would be for the best. The WC was also interested in contracting some work out to Spike. He had proven that he had the intellect and the knowledge to work for the esteemed council. Spike had at first been weary of having anything to do with Quentin Travers and his merry band of naïve fools, but the pay was excellent, and it was nice to really be a part of something. That and he trusted Giles, probably more than he had ever trusted anyone in his entire life.  
  
The duo pulled up to an enormous mansion and the valet parked the car for them. Giles reminded Spike that there was nothing to be nervous of. He wasn't going to break Willow; she had become pretty strong, especially over the last few months. They went to the third floor that held the guest apartments. Willow hadn't been on monitored lock up in almost a year. She was free to roam the grounds as she pleased, and she also helped with some projects to help pay for her treatment. The bracelet that she had strapped around her ankle was an occasional reminder of what she had done, but she was finally beginning to truly deal with what had happened. Spike and Giles walked through the door way of her apartment. Willow dropped her book at just stared at the former vampire. She was stunned, she hadn't known that she was going to have any visitors yet. She squealed in delight and ran over to hug Spike.  
  
"Hey there pet, nice to see you too." Spike said, squeezing the girl tighter. He had always had a soft spot for the girl.  
  
"Oh my God Spike, what's up with the heart beat? What happened?" Willow exclaimed as she backed away from the man.  
  
Giles hadn't told Willow about anything. She would constantly ask about how the others were doing, but he kept his answers as vague as possible. He knew Willow had a lot of healing to do, and honestly things had gone straight to hell since she had left. He didn't want Willow to worry anymore than she already did.  
  
"There will be plenty of time to catch up. Why don't we sit down and have a spot of tea. Haven't had it in ages." Spike responded.  
  
Giles backed away toward the door. Things were going even better than he could have guessed.  
  
"Will, I'll leave you two to talk and I'll have someone send some tea up to the room." Giles said, closing the door behind him.  
  
The two stared at one another as they sat down, both having lopsided grins painted on their faces.  
  
"Wonder which one of us he was talking to?" Willow asked Spike.  
  
"Never noticed that we have the same nickname, Red. Then again, I always called you Red, didn't I?" Spike asked thoughtfully.  
  
Willow blushed a little. She had never thought about the fact that Spike had taken the time to give her a personal nickname. She was so happy to see him, so happy to see anyone. She felt like everyone had forgotten about her.  
  
"So, how's everything going back in Sunny D? And how come your human? And why isn't your hair white, and where is your duster?"  
  
"Ripper told me that we're not supposed to be talking about the others, but I can tell you a bit about what happened to me." Spike responded.  
  
Spike went into his tale about what happened between him and Buffy. He told her in more detail than anyone about his trials. He told her about how he struggled with his soul, how he and Buffy broke up. Willow had known about Julia, but she didn't know who the father was, until Spike told her. She looked at him in awe with all he had been through. She herself felt slightly guilty about it being so hard for what she had done, when Spike had been through so much more. She reached over and squeezed his hand when he was done.  
  
"Wow, Spike. That is quite a story. I always knew that Julia looked familiar, but I could never quite place her. She's a beautiful girl, and from what little I've heard from Giles, you're a great Dad. You've been through so much, I feel a little silly about not being able to have some sort of closure about what I did."  
  
"Nonsense. What you had to deal with was far more stressful than my shining happy soul. You did this all on your own Willow. Not many people can come back from where you were. I've known beings that have been sucked into dark magic like that, they never come back. You're amazing Willow, you never forget that."  
  
"I believe you Spike. Out of all of the Scoobies, you never lied to me. That's why I'm glad you're here. I know that you wouldn't bull shit me. I'm sure that's why Giles had you come first. I've missed all of you so much." Willow cried, letting a small tear trail down her cheek.  
  
"Luv, you mean you had no idea I was human, and you were still happy to see me?" Spike curiously asked.  
  
"Of course silly. I'm not Xander. I would like to think I was a little more open than he was. It's just been so long since I've seen a familiar face. And honestly, there is guilt when I see you, because I treated you so horribly so many times, but it's not as bad. I didn't almost kill you in a magic induced rage. I know I have things to apologize for, but I don't feel like I have to grovel at your feet and beg for forgiveness if that makes any sense."  
  
"It's OK Red. You were always better to me than Xander and Buffy ever were. You never did anything that couldn't be mended right quick. And you won't have to grovel to the others, they miss you and they understand what happened. There are no resentments or hard feelings. You just need to get better and go start your life again."  
  
"It's so hard though. I killed a man. Warren - he begged for his life. I just can't seem to let that go."  
  
"Ducks, I'm going to tell you something, and it's probably not on the recommended therapy program schedule, the wanker deserved it. There was nothing good about him, he was full of rage and evil. I'm not saying you should have been the one to do it, but you need to move on with your life. I tried to keep track of every person I have ever killed, and I think I lost track after about five-hundred seventy two. The only thing we can do is go on from here. We can't change the past, no matter how much we want to. It's what you do from this moment on that counts." Spike ended softly.  
  
"When did you get so smart?" Willow asked playfully.  
  
"Same time I got my soul back I reckon. The demon must have been a right stupid bastard, I've thought of about a million fool proof plans for offing the Slayer so far." Spike replied wickedly.  
  
"And why would you be thinking about that."  
  
"Just daydreaming pet, just daydreaming."  
  
"So you can't talk about any of the rest of them?" Willow asked once more.  
  
"Sorry luv. Watcher says that you have enough to deal with. You'll see them all soon enough though."  
  
Spike glanced at his watched, which was wrong, and then he noticed the wall clock. His meeting with Quentin was in about ten minutes. He didn't want to, but he had to go. He looked at Willow apologetically.  
  
"Will, I have to go. The poofters want me in a meeting in a few. I promise we'll pick up on this tomorrow." Spike said.  
  
Willow and Spike hugged farewell and Spike made his way through the confusing maze of corridors until he found Quentin's office. Spike hated the bastard more than words could express, but he had agreed to at least meet with the wanker.  
  
"Hello Travers." Spike said nonchalantly as he plopped in the over sized chair in front of Quentin's desk.  
  
Giles sat next to Spike nervously. He knew that Spike's manners had progressed a good deal since he had gotten his soul back, but Giles also knew that Spike hated Quentin with a fiery passion.  
  
"So, Giles tells me that you went and got a soul, William the Bloody." Quentin began.  
  
"It's more than you've got mate." Spike sneered.  
  
"Quentin, I'm sorry, Spike's had a long day." Giles began.  
  
"It's quite all right Rupert. I know all about Spike's behavior patterns, and I've been expecting much worse all day."  
  
"Well then," Spike began.  
  
Giles kicked Spike in the shin to get him to shut up. Spike let out a sharp yelp and was immediately quieted.  
  
"So what do you want with me? You don't have enough wankers working for you, figured that you needed one more or something?" Spike asked.  
  
"Well, I've gotten reports from both Wesley and Rupert that you are absolutely astonishing when it comes to ancient texts and artifacts. They also told me that you have a good deal of knowledge about alternate dimensions, the physics that take place, and many other gifts. You're a rarity William. I admit that with your permission we would like to write a report about your transition from vampire to human, but mostly we are after your mind. I'm sure Giles let you know that the pay alone would make it worth your while." Quentin stated.  
  
"I don't have to move here do I?" Spike inquired.  
  
"Of course not. With Giles living in England and Wesley not an official member of the council anymore, it would be nice to have an affiliate in the area."  
  
"You're not asking me to spy are you? Cause no deal if you're wanting me to spy on the Slayer and Angel."  
  
"We don't need you to spy William. We have plenty of spies in place as it is. We've been doing it for a good deal of years and I think that the last time we tried to detain Faith was the last time we acted on what we discovered. Your friends are fine, I assure you. We basically just want you to do some writing and a little leg work for us. Your completely freelance. You can take on as much or as little work as you want to."  
  
Spike stared at the older man, knowing that something had to be too good to be true.  
  
"So do we have a deal?" Quentin pressed.  
  
"Suppose so mate." Spike said, taking Quentin's hand to shake it, to confirm the deal.  
  
Somewhere in the back of Spike's mind he couldn't help but feel that he had just sold his soul to the devil, once again.  
  
**************************************  
  
Willow and Spike spent a good deal of time together over the next few weeks. They discussed Tara, Buffy, how much things had changed since they first met. They took comfort in one another. The weeks had been as therapeutic for Spike as they had been for Willow. He knew he was going to miss the girl after he went home, but he knew that everyone would be relieved to find out that she was doing so well. At the airport, he was having a difficult time getting the girl to let go of him. He sighed heavily as they parted ways. He never before had been so sad to leave his home land. 


	29. Chapter 29

No Need to Lie - March 2009 Chapter Twenty-Nine  
  
Spike paced nervously back and forth in the darkened warehouse. This was the part of being one of the undead that was definitely a downfall. He was anxious, he didn't want to be cooped up in this warehouse all day. He had places to go, people to kill. He had failed to ask Nick if there was a sewer entrance to the warehouse, which there had not been. He knew that wasn't the only thing he was anxious about. He had a gnawing pain in his side. He couldn't figure it out, there wasn't a wound there. It hurt when he breathed. He knew he didn't need to breath anymore, but he still did, out of habit more than anything. He lit another cigarette and attempted to sit for a few moments. He was so fucking restless and there was nothing he could do about it. Finally Nick came into Spike's office and shut the door behind him.  
  
"Everything OK boss?" Nick asked nervously.  
  
"No you twit. Did you even bother to check and see if there was a sewer entrance?"  
  
"Spike, come on, I've always slept during the day - I figured it was safer for the only way to get in to be the front door."  
  
"You thought wrong. Now I'm stuck here, all day. I've got no clue what soul boy and bitchy the vampire layer are up to."  
  
"I have some good news and some bad news." Nick said, wincing while he said it.  
  
"Get on with it." Spike replied impatiently.  
  
"It seems that everyone is at the Hyperion, but it has magic wards over the entire building. Can't even get in through the sewer. Looks like it's reinforced so demons have to be re-invited in after every time they leave. A few scouts tried a couple small flame throwers, but they just bounced off."  
  
"We'll deal with the wards later. So the bloody scoobs are hiding from good ol' Spike. That is amusing if nothing else. As long as I know where all of them are at - at all times, that'll be good enough for now."  
  
Spike went back to throwing pencils at the ceiling where there were about a dozen or so already stuck, signaling Nick that he was done with him.  
  
Nick walked out of the office and went to the basement portion of the warehouse to make a phone call.  
  
"Boss," Nick began.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It's been done. Spike has been turned and you were right he's so excited about the prospect of killing the slayer that he been in a delirium of happiness all day."  
  
"Did you assure that he can't leave during the day?"  
  
"No problem big guy. Spike's not going anywhere until the sun goes down."  
  
"Good. I don't want him getting impatient and trying to off the Slayer by himself."  
  
"No problem, figure I'd distract him by a strip show/dinner performance later on. The guys hasn't been laid in over five years, he's gotta be getting a little itchy by now."  
  
"Good. What did you tell him about yourself?"  
  
"I was pretty honest with him, I know that Spike picks up on lies pretty well. The only thing he doesn't know is that I already have one boss."  
  
"Do whatever you need to do to humor him. Keep him distracted at all costs. I don't want him to put two and two together."  
  
"Boss, when's Dru getting here? Spike keeps asking about her."  
  
"I've arranged it so she'll be there in three days. This plan is very important Nicholas. Everyone has to believe that it was Spike, and Spike alone that killed Buffy and Angelus. It cannot be traced back to me, under any circumstances. Those are the two I want dead. I don't care about any of the rest of them one way or the other."  
  
"Sure Boss. Until Dru gets here, I'll try to keep him out of trouble."  
  
"Make sure that you do."  
  
And then the call was disconnected. Nick cracked his neck and went upstairs to play 'lackey' for his new 'boss.'  
  
************************************  
  
Angel made his way to Dawn's room and found that it had been empty. He then went to the bathroom and heard the water running. He knocked several times and no one replied. He warned that he was coming in. He was shocked when he opened the door to find Dawn huddled in the corner. She was naked and soaking wet. She also looked like she had been freezing, the hot water had been long gone, and Dawn just sat there, chilled to the bone. Angel made his way to the girl and draped an oversized towel around the girl's body. He then lifted her up and took her into her room and put her back under the blanket to get her warm. He sat next to her and took her hand.  
  
"Dawn, what were you doing?" Asked Angel.  
  
"I don't know. I just blanked out. I'm fine, really. I think I just need to eat something." Dawn said while sitting up.  
  
"Dawn, you don't need to lie to me. Cordelia told me what happened last night. It's OK, just be honest with me."  
  
Dawn stared at him, he eyes wide with shock.  
  
"So you know that I let him in. I let him do what he wanted. I betrayed Buffy and I almost got Julia killed?"  
  
"Is that what you think Dawn? You let what you thought was a man that you deeply love into his own apartment. Perhaps you shouldn't have acted on your desires, but no one could blame you. We all know how you feel about Will. Buffy knows too, I don't think she will see it as betrayal. She has her own things to work out right now, whether or not you almost slept with Spike is the least of her worries right now."  
  
"I should have known though Angel. He told me he wanted me. Wanted *me* - he never wanted me though. I should have known."  
  
"Why Dawn? Why should you have known? You have never given up on the hope that he would return your affections, why would you have stopped last night? I'm not saying that what you are doing to yourself is healthy. In fact it's not, you're wasting your entire life on someone that cannot return your affections. It's not something that we need to deal with right now, but at some point we are going to have to discuss this."  
  
"I know Angel. It's like every time I think I'm over him, he does something wonderful and I fall in love with him all over again. I know it's not healthy. I know it wasn't fair to him, or Buffy, or even me. You can't help who you love though, right?"  
  
"No you can't Dawn, but you can move on. I still love Buffy very much, but things would have never worked out between us. You have to know when to quit."  
  
"I get that. I think I'm starting to anyway. I'm just so embarrassed though. I don't want to have to tell everyone exactly what happened, it's too humiliating."  
  
"Don't bring it up then, unless someone specifically asks you about it. Until they do, simply don't bring it up. Last night was pretty hectic, I doubt anyone noticed that you ran in here less than fully dressed last night. And I know you blame yourself for Julia, but she's fine. You saved her, Cordelia told me that you were willing to do whatever you had to do to save your niece. You are very brave Dawn, don't forget that."  
  
Dawn smiled at Angel and gave him a quick hug and then she remembered she was naked. She pulled the covers up to her chin and Angel left the room to let her get dressed. She felt better than she had. She wasn't doing back flips or anything, but she felt better than she had in months. 


	30. Chapter 30

Relationships - January 2005 Chapter Thirty  
  
Buffy was surrounded by a group of four vampires. They were dressed in eighties retro wear, reminding her slightly of that movie 'The Wedding Singer.' She knew she shouldn't find her situation amusing, but it was. They were going to be so dead in about five seconds.  
  
"Come on guys, didn't Flock of Seagulls break up like twenty years ago? I mean, ew, tacky much?"  
  
With that she did a back flip, her feet landing firmly on the chest of the smallest vampire, sending him reeling. She then went and almost immediately staked the next two that came charging at her.  
  
"You guys don't even try anymore." Buffy pouted.  
  
The remark pissed the largest of the group off and he quickly advanced on her. Buffy was preparing herself for a good brawl, and honestly was getting excited by the prospect of beating the holy hell out of something. Just as the vampire was almost on her, an arrow sang through his chest, sending the vampire into a cloud of dust. Behind the cloud of dust stood Angel and Cordelia, who was holding a cross bow.  
  
"Hey Buff, we already took care of the little one that you sent flying." Cordelia said.  
  
"Coulda handled it myself just fine." Buffy responded, not meaning to sound as icy as she came off as.  
  
Buffy swept the vamp dust from her clothes and mentally checked her appearance before she headed toward her former boyfriend and the former cheerleader.  
  
"So, what brings you guys back to the hellmouth?" Buffy asked.  
  
"It's Spike," Angel began.  
  
"Is he OK, did something happen to him? He's not dead is he?" Buffy asked, not even trying to hide her concern.  
  
"No, Buffy. Spike's fine. It's Spike though, he was translating some texts and there was a bit of a prophecy. Not so much a prophecy. There's an alignment of stars that will allow the Hellmouth to open. I know, I'm about sick of them myself. It's really not that big of a deal. There's this ancient order of demons that want to bring their god from an alternate hell dimension to this one. We just have to watch over the Hellmouth for the next forty-eight hours or so. You mind if we camp out at your place?" Angel said.  
  
"Is Spike with you?" Buffy asked, almost hopefully.  
  
"No he's back in LA. We tried to convince him to come with us, but he's working on some paper for the Watchers Council." Cordelia replied.  
  
"You know Will now. He thinks he's a huge wimp and pretty much spends most of his time with a nose stuck in a book. He didn't figure he'd be much use if a fight broke out. He said having Xander to protect was enough, didn't need his shadow coming along for the ride too." Angel said.  
  
Buffy bit her lip. She had wanted to cry at that moment, but she would not cry over Spike anymore. She knew she had blown it, and she knew she had to simply move on from this point.  
  
"Sure guys, I have plenty of room. We'll just move Jules into Dawn's room, and Mom's old room is still empty, so there's plenty of room for both of you."  
  
Angel wasn't sure how to say what he needed to, so he figured it was best to just get it out in the open.  
  
"Cordy and I, well, we only need one room." Angel said.  
  
"Huh?" Was Buffy's reply until reality hit her like a ton of bricks.  
  
"So, huh, when did this happen? I mean how long have you two been together?" Buffy asked.  
  
"It's been about two years now." Cordelia responded uncomfortably.  
  
"Wow, guys - that's great. I'm really happy for both of you. From what Dawn's told me, you're a pretty cool chick now CC. You taking good care of our favorite soulled vampire?" Buffy asked, attempting to be good natured about what she was hearing.  
  
Cordelia knew that Buffy was uncomfortable. But it sounded as if Buffy had given Cordelia her blessing. Cordy ran to hug the slayer and whispered into her ear.  
  
"I'm so glad you're being so good about this, I love him so much." Cordelia whispered into her ear.  
  
Buffy numbly nodded and led Angel and Cordelia to her home. She opened the door and the place felt empty. That's when she remembered that Dawn was gone for the weekend and Julia was at Xander's house. Buffy quickly phoned Xander and he agreed to keep the girl for the night. Buffy then turned toward the beaming couple and put on the best fake smile she could muster.  
  
"So guys, are you hungry?"  
  
"Actually Buffy, I've had a really long day. I think I'm going to turn in, I'll leave you and Angel to catch up on things." Cordelia said.  
  
"Sure, the guest sheets are in the linen closet in the hallway. You know where Mom's room is, I mean where it was." Buffy said.  
  
Cordy thanked Buffy and went upstairs to go to sleep. That left Angel and Buffy staring at one another, and it had been the most awkward thirty seconds of their entire existence.  
  
"So Angel, you want something to drink? I don't have any blood, not many vamps come a knocking these days. I'm like a cautionary tale to little vampires. 'Now don't go getting involved with the Slayer, she'll turn you into a miserable, weak human.'"  
  
"Beer will be fine Buffy." Angel replied. He didn't touch her remark at that moment. He figured that they had all night to catch up.  
  
The two sat at the island while sipping their beers. Finally Buffy spoke up to Angel.  
  
"So, you know all about everything, don't you?" Buffy asked sheepishly.  
  
"Actually I have numerous accounts to pick from. Before I say anything though, I want to thank you for being so understanding about Cordelia and me. The way you handled it was really grown up and mature. I wasn't sure how to tell you. But I wanted to be the one to tell you. That's why I asked Dawn not to say anything to you."  
  
"That would explain why Dawn was always gushing about how great Cordelia was now." Buffy said lightly.  
  
"Are you honestly OK with us being together?" Angel asked seriously.  
  
"I admit I was shocked, but I am really happy for both of you, honestly. And I appreciate the fact that you thought of me enough to come here to tell me yourself. Unlike me, who had been sleeping with Spike for almost a year and hiding it from everyone. How did you find out about me and Spike? I figure that you had to have known by now, since Dawn and Spike both live in LA now."  
  
"Spike told me when he got back from Africa. I started to beat the hell out of him because I thought he was lying until a friend of mine, Lorne informed me that dear old Spike had a soul. He told me everything Buffy. I can't help but wonder how things got so bad between the two of you. It's obvious to anyone that knows either one of you that you and Spike love one another very much."  
  
"Angel, as hard as it is to believe this, we pretty much broke up because I was being a stubborn bitch."  
  
Angel laughed at Buffy's description of herself, and Buffy laughed in return.  
  
"So are you going to ever try to smooth things over?"  
  
"Angel, I really don't want to talk about me and Spike. I have Giles drilling me all the time."  
  
"That's fine. There's a little part of me that's jealous, as silly as that sounds and I really don't want to hear the intimate details of your relationship with Will." Angel responded softly."  
  
"That makes two of us. I mean I don't want to here about your relationship with Cordelia either. Man, Xander is going to have a cow when he hears about this. Seems like every girl he ever dated or had feelings for ends up with you in one way or another. Next you'll have Anya."  
  
"Who's Anya?"  
  
"You don't even want to know, not even you'll believe it." Buffy responded, letting a slight giggle at the thought of Angel and Anya being together.  
  
The two sat in comfortable silence, drinking their beers for a few moments. They then caught up over the past few years and made a promise to one another to not let themselves lose touch with each other like this ever again. They both realized that there was still some degree of love and chemistry between them, but they had both moved on years before.  
  
*********************************  
  
The remainder of the Scooby gang was hanging out over the Hellmouth the next night. The high school had been rebuilt years before, and the hellmouth was now underneath the school's swimming pool, which made it difficult to place any kind of barrier spell over it. Xander and Anya had begun to casually date once more, so it was almost like Buffy was the fifth wheel. She felt a little awkward. She really was happy for Angel, but seeing him with Cordelia just reminded her of how much she really did miss Spike. She hadn't been on a date since he left for LA, and she really didn't have any intentions of dating anyone. She knew who she wanted, and she would eventually get him back.  
  
"So dead boy, how's LA treating you? Go to the beach much? Maybe work on your tan?" Xander asked in jest.  
  
"It's fine boy, speaking of beaches, looks like you swallowed a beach ball Xander. Been living of twinkies or something?" Angel responded.  
  
Some things never change Cordelia thought to herself. Oddly enough Anya and Cordelia got along great. Cordy didn't really hold a grudge against Anya that she had been killed in an alternate reality because of her. The two mostly talked about manicure tips and shopping. Shopping lead to talk of Spike.  
  
"Oh Cordelia, you have to go shopping with Spike some time. It's amazing. I got this fabulous Prada purse for practically nothing when he was with me this one time. He practically charmed the sales woman out of her panties and she gave me this super discount in exchange for Spike's phone number." Anya said.  
  
"Really! Spike is going to so wish I hadn't spoke to you when I get back to LA." Cordelia responded laughingly.  
  
Buffy was slightly hurt that she couldn't discuss Spike in such a light tone. Most of her conversations about Spike involved lots of angst and tears. That and a pang of jealousy hit her when she though of Spike flirting with anyone except for her. Her mind began to wander when three thickly robed demons walked into the room. The gang sprang into action and totally kicked some serious ass, per usual.  
  
Buffy and Angel took on most of the grunt work, leaving Xander, Anya, and Cordelia to hold up the barrier over the Hellmouth. Angel swung his sword around and easily beheaded the first of the trio. The second evil monk came swinging at Buffy. Buffy quickly impaled an ax into it's side, sending the demon squealing into the pool. The third one was heading toward Cordelia before anyone could stop it. The demon swung his claws at vision girl and left three gaping claw marks on Cordelia's stomach. Angel let out an angry growl and decapitated the demon with his bare hands. He dropped to Cordelia's side and picked her up to hold her.  
  
"Cordelia, sweetie, are you OK? How bad is it?" Angel asked his voice filling with more and more concern for every second she didn't respond.  
  
"Honey, just move back and let me work." Cordelia finally responded.  
  
Angel knew what she meant. Cordelia then worked to heal herself. A light pink light came from her hands as she pressed them to her stomach. She was soon healed, but she felt weak. Angel rushed back to her side and gently stroked her hair.  
  
"God, I get so worried about you. I love you so much." Angel gushed.  
  
"It's OK baby, I'll never leave you. I promise." Cordelia responded.  
  
The two shared an affectionate embrace as Buffy looked on. A few tears slid down her cheeks when she looked upon the couple and realized what she was truly missing. She didn't care if she had to go crawling back to Spike. She knew she couldn't survive much longer without him. 


	31. Chapter 31

The Confrontation - March 2009 Chapter Thirty-One  
  
Angel and company plus the Scoobies were assembled in the main lobby. They all looked at one another nervously. They had all made some pretty strange revelations to themselves over the last sixteen hours and they knew that now it was share time.  
  
"I think we should let Dawn tell us exactly what happened last night. We all know that Spike has been turned, but we need to know how to go about handling the situation." Angel began.  
  
Dawn then went into her tale about how she had unwittingly let Spike in the house. She conveniently left out the part about the heavy petting session of the evening. She told them about the tortured look on his face when he momentarily got a grip on the demon. She told them of how he started screaming and peeling his skin off. By the time she was done with her tale, she had felt like she had lived through all of it all over again.  
  
"But why didn't you have your shirt on Dawn?" Anya asked innocently enough.  
  
"Did her force himself on you Dawn? I swear to God if he attempted to rape you I really would stake him this time." Xander backed up Anya angrily.  
  
Dawn stared at them. She knew they would eventually figure it out.  
  
"He didn't have to force himself on me." Dawn said quietly.  
  
"What do you mean he didn't *have* to force himself, oh." Xander responded and immediately shut up when he realized what she meant.  
  
Cordelia walked over and held the younger woman's hand in support. She had a feeling this conversation was going to get very ugly, very quickly.  
  
"You were going to sleep with him weren't you? You didn't even care that he was a vamp again did you?" Buffy began in an accusatory voice.  
  
Dawn just stared at her sister with bright eyes. She knew this had been coming. This blow up had been on the verge of happening for over five years now.  
  
"I didn't know that he was, well I didn't know that he had been turned. He told me he wanted me, he made it sound like he finally realized he loved me. What did you want me to do Buffy? Sit around and wait for you to make up your fucking mind?" Dawn spat.  
  
The group shifted uncomfortably. They were all being privy to a very private conversation, a conversation that none of them wanted to be a part of.  
  
"Yeah, whatever Dawn. It's all your fault. You're the one that's been trying to break me and Spike up for years. None of this would have ever happened if you would have given him that fucking letter. So fuck you. I had made up my mind. You knew I loved him, you knew I wanted him back. You knew but you moved in with him anyway, you made him feel as if I still hated him. I held back because you were my sister and I loved you, but all bets are off you little whore." Buffy shouted furiously at her sister.  
  
Dawn let a brief flash of fresh guilt wash over her, but it was almost immediately replaced with anger.  
  
"I'm sorry your highness. I didn't know that you had done me such a favor by letting me keep him as a pet for a little bit. It never mattered though. He always loved you, always wanted you. I spent two years of my life with him, and we never once had sex. Not a single time. He could never let you go. It's always been you. So are you happy now?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm supposed to believe that the entire time you two dated you never had sex. I know I'm a little daft at times, but I'm not retarded. It's not my fault that he never moved passed me."  
  
"You never moved passed him either. Don't blame this shit on me, again. You've used me as an excuse to push him away for years. I'm sick and tired of it Buffy. I just don't understand how you could have so easily given up what I had wanted for years."  
  
Buffy looked at her sister, she was still furious with her, but now was not the time to get into this. They had already made enough of a scene.  
  
"We *will* talk about this later little girl." Buffy told her sister.  
  
The tension in the room was so thick that it most likely would have broken a chain saw if it would have tried to cut through it. Dawn rolled her eyes at Buffy and sunk back in her chair. Connor sat next to Dawn and protectively put his arm around his friend.  
  
"The fun never stops." Xander said uneasily. Anything was better than the silence.  
  
"For once, Buffy is right. This is a private matter between them. We should move on to why Spike is so violent now." Giles said, desperately wanting to change the subject.  
  
Wes then told everyone what they had uncovered that morning in the archives room. Understanding washed over everyone in the room, especially Angel - having been privy to being trapped in a hell dimension for a couple hundred years.  
  
"Great, as if Spike hadn't been evil enough pre-chip, now we have uber evil Spike wandering around. And I wonder who he probably has it in for." Xander said while staring at Buffy.  
  
"Yeah, Spike doesn't have his chip anymore. I remember him telling me the shaman removed it when he gave him his humanity." Willow added.  
  
"Well guys, how are we going to handle this?" Gunn wondered aloud.  
  
"Obviously Spike has some amount of humanity left in him or else he most likely would have finished what he started with Dawn last night." Wesley spoke frankly.  
  
"I think it's unanimous that no one here wants to dust Spike unless it's the last resort, but what do we do? It's obvious he's off his bird as he would have said." Anya exclaimed.  
  
"I guess we should attempt to detain him and then go from there. We have no clue if he has demons under him though." Angel spoke.  
  
"I just thought of something though. Who the hell in the demon world even knew that Spike had been human though? The people in this room are the only one's that knew he had been turned into a human." Cordelia spoke.  
  
"That is strange. It's really unlikely that a random vamp got lucky enough to stumble upon Spike for dinner and decided to turn him instead of just doing the eat and run thing." Fred added.  
  
"The only thing that I know, is when I find the vamp that turned Spike, I'm going to beat the living shit out of it, then I'm going to kill it. We are going to save Spike, no matter what. We all owe him at least that much." Buffy said with conviction.  
  
The others looked at Buffy. It was the first time she had been that assertive since Spike had ended up missing a couple days ago.  
  
"Well, there's about a dozen vamps and a few sun friendly demons hanging out around the hotel. I'm sure they're waiting for us to slip up. If nothing else, the new really pissed off Spike is slightly more patient. I guess that doesn't really play in our favor though." Willow added.  
  
"There's not much we can do until night fall. None of us are to leave until I say so. Anya and Giles have to remain here anyway to hold up the barrier, and we need people here to protect them. Me, Gunn, and Buffy are the only ones to leave. And I only want Buffy to leave if one of us is with her. I have a dark feeling that Spike is simply out for some good old fashioned vengeance, Buffy. I don't think it has anything to do with how you treated him though. I think it has more to do with the fact that you made him feel again. His demon too." Angel finished softly.  
  
Buffy knew he was right, but she couldn't help but feel that they were all prisoners here because of her. She just wished she had the last decade or so to do over again. But then she wouldn't have Jules.  
  
"I have some favors I can call in. Have some of my demon buddies hit the underground and find out what's going on. I'm afraid that we might have to wait for Spike to strike first though. Kids, I think we're at a bit of a stale mate at the moment though." Lorne added.  
  
The group decided it probably was for the best to be on the defensive, rather than the offensive. The meeting broke up and the gang went to into research mode, trying to find some way of detaining Spike without killing him. It was agreed that the only way any of them were going to stake Spike would be if it came down to them or him. They all hoped that it didn't come to that though.  
  
*******************************  
  
Buffy went up to Dawn's room and lightly tapped on the door. When there was no response she decided to go ahead and walk in. Dawn was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Hi Dawn." Buffy began.  
  
Dawn studiously ignored her and continued to count the ceiling tiles while Buffy took a seat in the chair next to Dawn's bed.  
  
"Dawn, we need to talk. Really talk. We can't let this build up again. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it. I love you. God, why is this so hard." Buffy said, practically choking on her words, attempting not to let the flood gates open up once more.  
  
"Aren't we past the point of talking Buffy? You made it obvious that you don't trust me, and that you blame me for what happened between you and Spike."  
  
"Dawn, I admit it, for a long time I did blame you. I know it wasn't your fault. I don't know what I would have done in your situation. You probably thought you were doing the right thing at the time, not giving him that letter. I know how you feel about Spike, you never for a moment denied it."  
  
"You're right, unlike you, I never did deny it. Do you know how I felt when he said he wanted me? He told me 'it's always been you.' I know I shouldn't have believed him, but I couldn't help it. I thought that maybe he had gotten over you. I shouldn't have been so stupid."  
  
"Dawn, you are many things, but stupid is not one of them. You followed your heart. I get that, I really do. And if Spike would have said that he loved you, I would have accepted it. And I wish you didn't love him so much, it's tearing you up inside."  
  
"I know. Angel and I talked about it this morning. I know I need to move on, and after last night, I honestly think that I am. I just can't figure out how things became so strained between us Buffy. I mean we've barely been on speaking terms for years because of a guy. Granted he's a very sexy, very charming, very British guy, but we're sisters."  
  
"I love you Dawny. I've missed you so much. I want us to be friends again, like we used to be."  
  
With that Buffy crawled up on the bed with her sister and laid with her. Buffy's arm draping over Dawn's waste. The two laid like that for at least an hour, both silently realizing how much they really had missed one another.  
  
"One question, and please don't hit me." Buffy stated.  
  
"What?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You really, never once slept with Spike?"  
  
"I really, never once slept with anyone Buffy." Dawn replied.  
  
"So what, you guys slept in the same bed together for over seven hundred nights and you guys just talked or something?"  
  
"We never had intercourse Buffy, I never said we never did anything."  
  
"So it's the Bill Clinton version of not having sex then?"  
  
"God Buffy, do want a detailed diagram of every time he went down on me or something?"  
  
"So you ever return the favor?" Buffy asked. She knew this should have bothered her, but she was so glad to have her sister with her that she didn't care.  
  
"No, he never would let me, and it wasn't for a lack of trying. I think he enjoyed the guilt and frustration that came with dating me or something. Honestly, last night was the first time I ever saw his uh, you know." Dawn finished, blushing.  
  
"After all of this is over, you are getting laid. By someone, I don't care who."  
  
"Like your one to talk, you old maid. Spike was the last guy you were even with."  
  
Buffy laughed at Dawn's comment, realizing she was right. The Summer's women were a might tuckered and decided to take a nap. There wasn't much else they could even do for the evening. 


	32. Chapter 32

The Letter - July 2005 Chapter Thirty-Two  
  
After Cordelia and Angel had gone back to LA the months before hand Buffy spent a lot of time meditating and honing her slayer skills. She was in the best shape of her life. She could even think about Spike without bawling. She had become content. By no means bursting with joy, but didn't cry herself to sleep every night. She was beginning to feel more and more confident about her feelings for Spike. She decided that she was ready to at least have a conversation with the former vampire. Well, maybe not a conversation, but she wanted to let Spike know that she was finally willing to talk. She felt enough time had passed for them to begin to heal. They had done so many horrible things to one another that she had never thought they could be in the same room together without the hostility, but now she mostly just thought about how much she missed he bleach blond wonder. Buffy thought her best course of action would be to simply write Spike a letter. That way she could get out what she needed to without him contradicting her or looking at her with those haunted blue eyes.  
  
Buffy sat at her desk two hours later, surrounded by dozens of crumpled up balls of paper. The Slayer sighed to herself. Writing had never been her strong point, along with math, science, reading, and history. She decided to stop trying to put what she wanted to say in some fancy form and to just be honest. She knew that Spike always appreciated honesty, and she doubted that he would look down on her if she couldn't find the right words for 'my life is miserable without you.' She labored on the letter for most of the night, rereading and rewriting where she found fit. She knew that these few pieces of paper wouldn't make everything great, but she did feel like they would at least bring some closure to some past wounds.  
  
*************************  
  
Dawn's stuff was scattered throughout the living room. She was getting ready to leave for LA. Due to an 'error' with some of her financial aid forms Dawn didn't have enough money to stay in the dorms. Buffy wondered if it was actually an accident, but she didn't broach the subject because the sister's had actually been getting along for the last couple of weeks. And nothing stirred up a fight faster than discussions about Spike. Spike had agreed to let Dawn stay in his extra bedroom for the year. He didn't see any harm in it, if nothing else he would have a maid to tidy up the place from time to time.  
  
The Summer's women were in the kitchen, eating their last breakfast together before Dawn headed back to school. Both women were sad, but Buffy was actually relieved that Dawn was going to get out of Sunny Hell and have a chance to do something with her life.  
  
"So, you all packed Dawny?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah, considering I've only actually been around for like five years, I've accumulated quite a bit of crap." Dawn said lightly.  
  
"You could probably leave Pooh Bear's tree house fun set here, along with your Piglet sleeping bag and assorted Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals."  
  
"I'll get rid of my stuff as soon as you get rid of Mr. Gordo." Dawn challenged.  
  
"OK, fine, nothing will happen to your precious childhood memorabilia. I'm just saying that Spike probably doesn't have room for *everything* you own." Buffy replied.  
  
"It's all right. Angel said I can store whatever doesn't fit in Spike's place at the hotel. It's no biggie. Besides, my moving situation is the least of my problems." Dawn said glumly.  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"I have to almost take a double course load this semester. I missed quite a few classes last semester helping Connor with his make-up exams. So I have to kick-ass this time around or else it's bye-bye scholarship." Dawn pouted while she picked at her food.  
  
"So, what's going on with you and Connor?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
"Gross Buffy. I am not going to start dating my older sister's ex- boyfriend's son. That's just too much. Anyway, Connor totally thinks of me in that 'your such a great friend, like one of the guys' kinda way. We're just good friends Buffy, so stop mentally planning the wedding already." Dawn replied.  
  
"Check no weddings, yet. Hey, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"  
  
"Sure, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with spying on Cordelia and Angel, cause I totally thought you were over that."  
  
"Nothing to do with Cordy or Angel. Actually, it has to do with Spike." Buffy mumbled the last few words.  
  
"Please don't tell me you want to have another fight about child support or custody, cause it's getting pretty old."  
  
"No, nothing like that. I was wondering if you could give him this letter for me?" Buffy asked.  
  
And with that Buffy pulled a thick envelope, with Spike's name neatly written on it, out of her back jeans pocket and handed it to Dawn.  
  
"This isn't going to make him cry, is it?" Dawn asked skeptically.  
  
"It shouldn't. I mean it's an apology. A really long winded, but well deserved on his part kind of apology. I didn't want to mail it and then worry that he never got it. So I thought that maybe you could just give it to him. I wrote him because I felt way too weird just calling him out of the blue. You know?" Buffy nervously prattled on.  
  
"Sure. No problem. I think it's great that you want to mend some bridges. Good for you Buffy." Dawn said with the best fake smile she could manage.  
  
Dawn checked her watch and noticed that she had better get going if she wanted to miss LA's rush hour traffic. She put her plate in the sink and walked over to hug Buffy. They wished each other well and then they went and piled all of Dawn's belongs in Dawn's beat up 94' Dodge Ram. Dawn shoved the letter into her glove compartment and made a mental note to herself to give it to Spike when she reached his apartment.  
  
****************************  
  
Dawn pulled up to the apartment complex and practically ran up the five flights of stairs to Spike's apartment. She burst the door to find him and Wesley arguing over some old musty book. Spike looked at Dawn and mouthed a 'thank you' to her before standing up. He crossed the distance between them and gave her a big bear hug.  
  
"Wesley, you remember Dawn, don't you?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yes, she used to be the key. Actually I was wondering if I could maybe interview her later." Wesley asked.  
  
"She who used to be the key is still standing here, in the same room with the geeky former watcher. And I guess, you'll find nothing of use from me though. I mean unless you want a synopsis on the last decade of Dawson's Creek or something." Dawn replied ruefully.  
  
Spike chuckled at the spunk of the girl and the three carried Dawn's belongings up to Spike apartment. Wesley then excused himself and let the former key and the former vampire catch up. Ten unpacked boxes and a pizza box later they had pretty much caught up on the three months they had spent apart.  
  
"So, what are the rules, roomy?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You don't live with your sister anymore, so don't expect me to go rummaging under your bed once a week for empty ice cream bowls." Spike said mischievously.  
  
"Oh my God, I was like five then. I'm not five anymore." Dawn replied.  
  
"No, suppose you're not. OK - I don't want any boys up here unless I'm here to supervise. And that's not up for discussion." Spike said in his best fatherly voice.  
  
"Yeah, like anyone even notices me. What about Connor, he count?"  
  
"No Connor doesn't count. I don't know how he managed to turn out so decent considering who the parents are, but I trust him. And aside from the no boys rule, this is a no fishing for compliments zone. If you expect me to be following you around all day telling you how beautiful and amazing you are, forget it. Cause you already know that your beautiful, and smart, and creative, and amazing." Spike replied.  
  
Dawn smiled at that and gave Spike a hug before she went to get ready for bed in her new home. Dawn had honestly forgotten all about Buffy's letter in her truck. 


	33. Chapter 33

Dru - March 2009 Chapter Thirty-Three  
  
The stale mate was almost too much for both parties. Spike, unsurprisingly enough was bored to tears over the next couple of days. He didn't venture too far away from the warehouse. He knew he was strong, but he hadn't fed enough over the past couple of days. Part of it was fucking William whispering sweet nothings in his ear about innocents and part of it was simply his anxiety over seeing Dru again, and his anxiousness over the prospect of killing the Slayer.  
  
He could smell her before she walked into the room. Jasmine and other dark spices filled his nostrils when he knew she had returned. He turned to see his dark goddess, his ripe wicked plum. She was as intoxicating as he remembered. He wanted her right there. Such wonderfully torturous things he wanted to do to her willing body. He waited for her to come to him. Her hair was pinned up in a loose bun with strands falling around her face and neck. She was dressed in a red empire waist dress that fell to her ankles. Her lips were stained red, red like blood. Spike grew impatient waiting for her, so he once again let his guard down and walked toward his former lover.  
  
"Drusilla." He simply growled as he approached her.  
  
He didn't wait for her to speak. Spike grabbed Dru and entered into a bruising kiss. He bit at her lips and let his hands roam over her body. The demon had loved every inch of his insane beauty, the feel of her pale flesh against it's host, the way the two lean bodies meshed with one another. It was like paradise. Suddenly Dru pushed Spike off her and wiped her lips with her hand.  
  
"You taste of her blood." Dru spat hatefully.  
  
"What do you mean. Luv?" Spike asked. He missed Dru, he did not miss her crazy ramblings.  
  
"The key. I can taste her on you. You want her, just like you want the nasty Slayer. You taste of blood and ashes." Drusilla replied.  
  
"Come off it pet. I was going to kill the girl and I'm going to kill the Slayer. They'll both be ashes luv, then it'll be just us." Spike pleaded, unhappy about how the conversation was turning out.  
  
"Miss Edith says you lie. The stars say it's not her time. The stars says you played a nasty mean trick on me." Dru replied venomously.  
  
Nick rolled his eyes. He thought things would be going much smoother by now. He needed Dru here to convince Spike that killing the Slayer was the only way. He went to console Drusilla and was met with a set of sharp nails striking his face. Nick used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe off the copious amounts of blood flowing from his face. He stared at Drusilla, completely awestruck. The vampiress looked as if she had gone completely off the deep end.  
  
"This whole place reeks of death and lies. Betrayal, that's what the king of cusps whispers in my ear. Like a good little birdie. I want to go home, now." Dru pouted.  
  
"Love, calm down. I'm here. What will it take for you to believe that I'm not lying?" Spike pleaded once more.  
  
"You kill her. Kill the nasty slayer right now. Kill her and we'll see." Dru stated, telling Spike that the topic was not up for debate.  
  
"As you wish my princess." Spike said, kneeling down, taking Dru's cold hands into his own, kissing each of them.  
  
"Uh, Spike. I know you're the boss and everything, but Buffy's snug as a bug in a rug at the hotel. There's no way you can get in there. And even if you can get in, the odds are like ten to one. I mean what exactly are you going to do?"  
  
"I'll just have to get her to come out and see me, then won't I? I'll have to bring a bit of collateral to make sure she doesn't cheat." Spike grinned, pointing at the corner.  
  
In the corner was Faith, beaten within an inch of her life, still wearing her prison uniform.  
  
****************************  
  
Buffy was sitting out on the patio of the hotel, trying to collect her thoughts. She was desperately racking her brain for some way to solve this problem without endangering her friends lives anymore than they already were. She was already burdened with enough deaths, Tara, Jenny, and in some ways she felt responsible for Warren's death. She just wasn't sure what to do. She was deep in thought when a weasely man with a tacky hat snuck up on the Slayer.  
  
"How's it going cutie?" Whistler asked nonchalantly, sitting next to the Slayer.  
  
"Just when things can't get any worse." Buffy thought aloud.  
  
"Oh, it's going to get worse Slayer." Whistler responded.  
  
"Is that like your job or something? Come and tell me the obvious from time to time. What exactly do you do?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Not my fault your boy got turned. Things weren't supposed to play out like this." Whistler responded cryptically.  
  
"Can you say 'DUH'. No, you little weasel, this is exactly how I had always dreamed things would turn out." Buffy spat.  
  
"Hey, easy there Slayer. Don't shoot the messenger."  
  
"Excuse me if I'm not all happy to see you. The last time we crossed paths, I had to kill the man I loved."  
  
"You did what you had to do. Are you willing to do it again?"  
  
"Do you mean am I ready to kill Spike? Am I ready to kill the father of my child? Am I ready to kill one of my friends? No, not really."  
  
"No, are you ready to do what you have to do?"  
  
"Usually, yeah, I mean hello - died twice here."  
  
"Keep that in mind kiddo. As long as you're willing to do what you have to do, this could play out favorably."  
  
"Great, just what I need. To have you drop by and give me these half answers. Thanks for the help."  
  
"Hey there huffy, I'm not supposed to be here at all. The Powers told me to let you sort through your own messes, they're done trying to help you out."  
  
"Big help they've been." Buffy responded sarcastically.  
  
"You say that now kid, but if you ever truly looked to see what they've done for you, you might be a little more grateful." Whistler responded, a little bit bitterly.  
  
"I know. It's just been a hectic few days and all. So you really can't help me out any more than what you said? I have to do what I have to do."  
  
"That's it cutie. Anyway, I gotta go. Cubs spring training is under way. And at the moment, that's a helluva lot more interesting than watching you bite your nails off. Take care of yourself."  
  
Before Buffy could say anything else Whistler was gone, like he had never been there. Well, if he wasn't there to bitch at then she was going to find someone to listen to her.  
  
***********************  
  
"Are you sure that's all he said?" Giles asked Buffy.  
  
"Yeah, you know the Powers and all their crypitcyness. Whistler just said I had to be willing to do what I needed to do. I dunno, does that mean stake Spike? What?" Buffy asked her watcher.  
  
"I doubt he meant stake Spike. It almost sounds as if the Powers had something to do with Spike becoming human. Wesley and I will look into it. Why don't you get some sleep. To be frank, you look like hell Buffy." Giles told his charge.  
  
"I'm sick of sleeping, I'm sick of all this waiting. I wish he would just show his face already. What if he's out there killing people as we speak? Giles, how am I supposed to let him live if he's killed innocents?"  
  
"Buffy, we'll come to that bridge when we cross it. For now, I want you to attempt to relax. You're no good when you're this anxious."  
  
"Fine, I'll go see if Xander or Willow want to watch a movie or something." Buffy said.  
  
Giles watched Buffy leave the room, unable to hide his own anxiety. He too was perplexed on what to do with Spike if they did detain him and find out he had killed innocent people. Giles quickly pushed the thought out of his head, not wanting to deal with it and concentrated on what Whistler's cryptic message could have meant. 


	34. Chapter 34

Moving On - December 2005 Chapter Thirty-Four  
  
The Christmas party at the Hyperion was getting along splendidly. There was a huge Christmas tree lit up in the middle of the lobby and there was plenty of drinky to go around. Angel, who usually is an unbelievable scrooge this time a year, had the event catered while his friends and a few of his better clients mingled. He had taken Cordelia's suggestion that you had to spend money to make money and he was hoping to make buckets full of money for all the party was going to cost. He looked at his friends and smiled. He wished that the old Sunnydale gang could have made it, but Buffy politely had declined, using the excuse that she had to work Christmas Eve and she didn't want to have to drag Julia around on the holidays. Angel had even invited Xander and Anya, but they too declined, citing that they wanted to spend the holiday with Buffy, who had seemed pretty withdrawn and lonely lately.  
  
Angel spied Spike, Dawn, and Wesley standing in the corner, laughing about something Dawn had just said. He smiled at the pretty young woman. He often wondered what was going on between Spike and Dawn lately, but he kept his reservations to himself. It was obvious to him that Dawn was head over heels in love with the former vampire and Angel wondered if Spike ever noticed. Part of him wanted things to work out with Spike and Buffy, but it had been years since the two had even spoken. It was clear that Buffy never made good on her promise to make amends with Spike. Maybe if he helped push a little, Dawn and Spike could eventually come together. They did look awfully cute together. Angel walked over to the trio.  
  
"Hey, guys. What's so funny?" Angel asked.  
  
"Dawn was just making fun of your hair." Spike answered teasingly.  
  
Angel patted Spike on the shoulder, perhaps a little too hard, to remind the smaller man who was stronger. Angel then produced a piece of mistletoe from behind his back a eyed Dawn, a little flirtatiously.  
  
"God Angel, you'd think that after hundred some odd years a bloke would take a hint. I mean no means no, you poofter." Spike jokingly said.  
  
"You wish little man. Actually I was hoping to sneak a kiss from you lovely date." Angel replied, ignoring Spike's horrible joke.  
  
With that Dawn walked up to Angel and gave him a simple kiss. Granted, it was a little more than how someone would kiss their grandmother, but there wasn't any gratuitous tongue action. Just as the kiss broke, Cordelia snuck up on Angel.  
  
"Angel, just because I'm pushing thirty doesn't mean you have to trade me in for a younger model already." Cordelia said laughingly.  
  
"You know that you're the only woman that I want." Angel replied seriously.  
  
Angel tilted Cordelia's face up and gave her one helluva kiss. He then took her arm, so they could consult some clients. Wesley then excused himself, saying something about having to talk to Gunn about something.  
  
"It must be nice." Dawn finally said.  
  
"What's that pet?" Spike responded.  
  
"To have what Angel and Cordelia have. You know? Their love is so simple and pure. I know that at times they seem like a couple of old marrieds, but I envy them."  
  
"I understand, luv. Life would be a lot less difficult if we could all have the same kind of relationship as those two have. Afraid you don't always get what you want though." Spike replied, meaning the last remark on multiple levels.  
  
The two stared at one another uncomfortably for a few moments before either of them spoke again. Dawn stared at Spike with adoration, she would do anything for him. She loved him. Spike stared at Dawn with confusion and curiosity. He often wondered when his nibblit had grown up. She certainly wasn't the awkward little school girl that had attempted to kiss him a few years ago. Unless you knew her, you wouldn't even know that she was only in her early twenties. She seemed years older, especially her eyes. A hundreds years worth of sadness filled those eyes. He knew that she still loved him, she had never stopped. Buffy hadn't attempted to contact him, she hadn't written or called. Dawn never talked about her around him, perhaps she met someone else. Maybe she moved on with her life. Maybe Dawn was what he needed. How did that song go - you can't always get what you want, but you just might find that sometimes you get what you need. Something like that anyway. And it's not that he didn't want Dawn, but he had never thought about her like that before. Maybe it was time for him to get over his ridiculous notions that he and Buffy were meant for one another. Maybe it was time for him to make someone he cared about deeply, happy.  
  
********************************  
  
The Summer's Christmas party was far less exciting. Due to baby alert and OT, Buffy had gone out the day before Christmas Eve and bought a plastic tree. Decorations were thrown up haphazardly. It almost looked like a Christmas Tree, just not as pretty. Due to the fact that Xander, Anya, and Buffy really did have to work Christmas Eve, none of them had time to cook. There were a couple cartons of cheap eggnog and a couple empty pizza boxes scattering the living room.  
  
"I wonder what the guys are up to in LA?" Xander asked.  
  
"I'm sure their having a splendid time. Big Christmas party, flashing lights, good music, good friends, dancing, I'm almost a hundred percent sure that they're having a better time than we are. Why didn't we go Xander? I mean we could have gotten the day off work." Anya said pointedly.  
  
"An, what did I tell you before we came over?" Xander asked, clearly embarrassed.  
  
"Oh right, Buffy is being stubborn and is scared of seeing Spike, so instead of having actual fun, we get to spend our holiday with a miserable Slayer."  
  
Buffy looked at the pair. She let a sad smile come across her lips. She knew that was why they didn't go, she just didn't want it thrown back in her face. She saw Xander making apologetically filled eyes at her and she simply laughed. She knew that they didn't really want to be at her house, hell she didn't want to be at her house, but she was glad they were there just the same.  
  
"It's OK Xander. I don't really want to be hanging out here either. We're going to go up for New Years though. Dawn's coming up to pick Julia up the day before New Year's Eve and we'll go up there and have a blast."  
  
"As long as Spike isn't there." Anya said.  
  
"I'm sorry Anya, I'm just not ready to see him yet. I mean I poured my heart out to him and he didn't even have the decency to tell me to fuck off. I know it'll just be weird. Dawn doesn't bring Spike up at all, which means he undoubtedly has less than kind things to say about me." Buffy retorted.  
  
"It'll be all right Buffy. Who knows, maybe we've all been wrong and you and Spike, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I don't want to get into a Spike bashing party, because I'm friends with the guy. But it doesn't mean that I think it's OK that he just ignored you like that. I mean that's kind of low." Xander replied.  
  
"Well, Buffy. If you are ready to move on, I know this really great guy that's in real estate. He's always coming into the magic shop to by wards for his home buyers. I mean he's successful and he knows we're on a hellmouth, what more could you want? And he has these amazing shoulders, and a to die for smile. I could get his phone number if you want me to?" Anya added helpfully.  
  
"Anya, if Buffy is ready to move on, I doubt she wants us throwing her into some freaky Love Connection from hell." Xander pointed out.  
  
"I was just trying to help. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of whiny, mopey Buffy. She either hates Spike or loves Spike and I'm sick of hearing about it. Their time has passed. It seems that Spike has accepted this, why can't Buffy?" Anya quipped.  
  
"What do you mean Spike has accepted this?" Buffy asked nervously.  
  
"Well, he goes out on dates silly. He leaves the house, even when he doesn't absolutely have to. Get a clue Buffy. Move on already. This broken record thing is not appealing." Anya said, not meaning to be bitchy, but this is after all Anya.  
  
"Anya." Xander began.  
  
"No Xander, Anya's right. She could have chosen her wording a little better, but she's right. From now on there is no more Spike. He was a mistake. I shouldn't have wasted so much time on what ifs. I blew it, simple as that, it doesn't mean that I have to punish myself for eternity for it. I'm still cute. I mean, mother of a small child here, but there has to be guys out there that would want to go out with me, right?"  
  
"Of course. A little makeup, touch up your roots, maybe some new clothes and we'll make you completely presentable." Anya beamed brightly.  
  
"Thanks for you help honey." Xander winced.  
  
"Not trying to change the subject here, never mind, I'm totally trying to change the subject. When's Willow coming home?" Buffy asked, knowing that Xander emailed her on a daily basis.  
  
"Looks like she has the go ahead this summer. The council has given her rave reviews about her progress. And they dealt with the authorities here, meaning no one is going to bother her about Warren's death." Xander said.  
  
"That's great. How is she dealing with Warren's death?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.  
  
"Funny you should ask. Funny because you wanted to change the subject and all. But Giles and Willow told me that Spike has really pulled her through this. She told me she felt like kind of a cry baby after she realized everything that Spike had been through."  
  
Buffy nodded numbly. Xander went on about Willow some more, but Buffy was only half listening. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, but she also knew that she had to move on with her life. She couldn't let anyone else see that she felt like she was being ripped apart on the inside. 


	35. Chapter 35

Clem - March 2009 Chapter Thirty-Five  
  
Dawn, Willow, Fred, and Anya were playing Monopoly when Clem started to bang on the doors of the hotel. Dawn quickly invited him in, wondering what the hell he was doing in LA of all places. The rest of the gang quickly emerged, wondering what the commotion was all about. Clem had an arrow stuck in his right leg, courtesy of one of Spike's hired men. He sat on the couch while Dawn nervously tended to it. Buffy finally came out of the study, curious to see what the hell was going on.  
  
"Clem, what are you doing here? I thought you had some cracker tasting contest in Arizona to go to or something." Buffy asked.  
  
"Slayer, I'm telling you right now that there is no place I would rather be than other than here. I figured I should come up here though, seeing how I probably messed up pretty bad."  
  
"What did you do?" She asked worriedly.  
  
"You see, well first, it's all your fault for not keeping me in the loop. I mean, how was I supposed to know that Spike was all super evil again. So please don't stake me or anything." Clem pleaded.  
  
"Clem, just tell me what you did and then I'll consider on how lenient I should be." Buffy replied.  
  
"Well, I was sitting at the crypt a couple days ago watching a Miami Vice marathon when the phone rings. And yes I got a cell phone before you all want to start making jabs at my expense. It was Spike, I thought that was kind of strange that he was calling me in the middle of the day. Usually he calls at night because I guess he got a job or something. So we start talking about, well actually I was talking about how kick ass I would look in one of those suits that Don Johnson wore. I'm telling you guys - the 80's are coming back."  
  
"Clem, could you make the story any longer?" Buff asked impatiently.  
  
"Hey, I just thought you would appreciate a good narrative. Then again Spike was always telling me how you got Chaucer mixed up with Shakespeare, so I'm guessing you really don't care about the narrative."  
  
"Clem, for the last time - just tell me what you did before I really do stake you."  
  
"Right then. So we were chatting, catching up and all that. Then he brings up Faith, which I thought was kind of strange. He had only met her once and she was in your body, Buffy. He knew that we were pen pals, well that was Angel's idea. He said something about how Faith needed to talk to someone that wasn't all wrapped up their own problems. I'm guessing out of all of you, I'm probably the least angst ridden choice. You guys are wound so tight that..." Clem began.  
  
"Clem, finish the story." The group shouted in unison.  
  
"You people really are pushy. Like I said, Spike was asking about Faith, which was weird, but I thought maybe he wanted to visit her or something. So I tell him what prison she's at, what her cell number is and all that. Then he asked what my clearance password was, and I told him he didn't need to know that. He was getting all huffy, and then he said I was lucky that my blood tasted like crap. Then he hung up. I didn't think anything of it, because I figure that he must have gotten into another fight with The Slayer. Because we all know how pissy these two get when they're in the same room. I mean, there was this one time when Buffy burst in while Spike and I were watching Passions.." Clem started.  
  
"Clem, I am so close to pulling my hair out that it's not funny. Just finish telling the God Damn story." Buffy fumed.  
  
"Fine, since none of you cretins appreciate what a masterful story teller I am, here it is. I have a cousin in the same cell block as Faith. She's in there because apparently it's illegal to have more than an ounce of burba weed on your person; I guess its intent to deal or something. But she called me this morning telling me there had been a break in. A bleach blonde guy with a long leather jacket busted in there and busted Faith out. He didn't seem too concerned with anyone else, just the Slayer. I guess you guys don't know, because the police are trying to keep the low down her disappearance - I guess they don't want certain British organizations to know that she turned up missing or something. Whatever that means."  
  
"Wonderful, Spike has Faith. The only way things could possibly get any worse would be if Drusilla showed up with Spike." Buffy thought aloud.  
  
"Great Buff, you know you just jinxed us." Xander quipped.  
  
"What would Spike want with a hostage?" Fred asked.  
  
"Simple, he wants to lure his prey out of hiding. Isn't that right, Buffy?" Angel imputed.  
  
"Most likely. We have to find out where Spike is hiding now. We have to do something before he does something he might or might not regret later on." Buffy told the group.  
  
"So, you need any help with anything?" Clem asked.  
  
"Go help Xander make stakes. And Clem?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah, Slayer?"  
  
"I'm not mad at you. You're right, we should have clued you in. We just have to get Spike back now."  
  
"We'll get him back Buffy. You just have to be willing to do what needs to be done." Clem told the Slayer before wondering off to help Xander.  
  
Buffy thought Clem's choice of words was a little strange, but shrugged it off. She knew that the more she thought about it, the more that she knew she was willing to do whatever it took to get her Spike back.  
  
**************************  
  
The sun had set. Angel, Gunn, Giles, and Wesley were sitting on the balcony. They needed some privacy to talk about tactics what to do about Spike.  
  
"How far are we willing to let him go?" Gunn asked worriedly.  
  
"Honestly, I'm trying not to think about." Giles responded numbly.  
  
"We have to take into consideration that Spike simply isn't Spike right now. His demon has to be filled with so much rage. I remember when I came back from hell, if Buffy hadn't gotten to me right away, I have no clue what I would have done." Angel admitted.  
  
"I know it's obvious we have to detain him. Buffy doesn't want it any other way. I think it's up to her to decide how to deal with this after we capture him." Wes added.  
  
"What do we do though? Chain him up? Try to talk some sense into him? Give him back his soul?" Gunn asked.  
  
"I don't know, Gunn. Right now, I just want to keep him from killing anyone else. Spike, well William was always far more sensitive than I ever was, and we all know I can be the brood master. It's taken him so long to deal with what he's done, even though he understands what he did, and he knew there wasn't anything he could have done much differently." Angel said.  
  
"Maybe if we did give him a soul, maybe that would help." Wesley added.  
  
"I think the demon is too powerful right now. As strong as Spike's sense of humanity is, it seems like the demon is kicking William's arse right now." Giles replied.  
  
"The only thing I am positive of right now is that if Spike kills Faith, then it's over. Buffy will kill him herself. She still blames herself for Jenny's death." Angel said guiltily.  
  
Angel and Giles traded guilty glances. It had happened years ago, but the two men had never spoken of it, and now wasn't a good time to heal old wounds.  
  
"It's absurd, but I have this nagging feeling that if William was here now, then he would know exactly what to do." Wesley said.  
  
The men traded uneasy laughs, mostly because they knew what Wesley had said was the truth. Will had always kept a level head when it came to end of the world type things. They knew that things could never go back to the way that they once were, but they knew they had to figure out a way to make things better for Buffy.  
  
Just as they were about to resume their conversations they heard a loud explosion. It sounds like a car explosion. They looked out the window and saw that both Gunn's truck and Xander's car were aflame. In the middle of the chaos was a bleach blonde vampire, wearing a long, worn, black duster. He appeared to be grinning, amused at the mess he had just caused.  
  
Spike looked up and saw the four men staring at him. His smile broadened, this had been the most entertained he had been in days. For some reason, Nick had tried to convince him to stay at the warehouse, until the appropriate arrangements could be made. *Sod that* Spike thought to himself. He had never been one to be patient, and now definitely wasn't one of his patient times. He wanted the Slayer dead. He wanted her blood on his hands. He looked up again at the stunned group and waved.  
  
"Hello Mates. Been talking about me, have you?" Spike asked with mock concern.  
  
"Spike, let me guess, you got a little impatient and decided to shake things up." Angel responded.  
  
"Yeah, well s'not my fault that you been hiding in that hotel of yours like a bunch of wankers. Just felt the need for a good fight." Spike responded.  
  
"You want me to come down there and kick your ass again, just for old times sake then?" Angel replied with mock sweetness.  
  
"No thanks poof. Got all the time in the world to kill you. Was wondering if Buffy could come out and play though. God I miss fighting with that girl, time to finish the job and all that rot." Spike retorted.  
  
"And why do you think we would let her come outside?" Giles asked  
  
"Well Rupes, why do you think I went through all the trouble of busting your other Slayer out of jail. Now don't get me wrong, she tastes delicious and she's a very attractive girl, but I always had a thing for the blond one. Now, you poofs send her out or I'll snap the girl's neck." Spike said, growing impatient.  
  
With that, Drusilla came from behind the shadows, carrying the limp and beaten body of the second slayer. Angel just stared in horror at the girl. She was alive, but just barely. His fists curled up into tight balls, trying to keep his patience in check. He didn't want things to get anymore out of hand then they already were. He yelled down at Spike.  
  
"That doesn't seem very fair Spike. I mean you want us to send Buffy out there all by herself, so the odds are like twenty to one?"  
  
"Course not. I just want Buffy. I want to fight her like I used to. Might not even kill her yet. Who knows, I'm feeling a might generous this evening. You send her out and I'll leave the broken Slayer by the steps. You and Watcher boy can come out and get her - no one else. Anyone else leaves the hotel and Buffy will be dead before she leaves the sidewalk." Spike answered in a demanding tone.  
  
Angel knew there was no reasoning with Spike when he got like this. They would have to pray that Buffy could hold him off long enough for them to get Faith into the hotel. He turned to find Buffy, only to find that she was already standing there. He assumed that she had heard everything.  
  
"So, are we going to get this over with or what?" Was all Buffy could manage to say. 


	36. Chapter 36

Broken Man - January 2006 Chapter Thirty-Six  
  
Jules was already snug in her bed while Dawn and Spike were sitting on the couch, waiting for the clock to strike midnight. They were relieved to have baby sitting duty for the most part. They both were pretty sure that they were still hung over from Christmas. They sat up for the count down, holding their glasses of white wine. At midnight they celebrated in a toast.  
  
"To a new year, and to new beginnings." Dawn said.  
  
"To new beginnings." Spike agreed.  
  
After they were done with their glasses they stared at one another once more. It was the same uncomfortable stare they had shared at the Christmas party. Without thinking about it, Spike grabbed Dawn's waist and pulled her to him. There lips were mere inches apart.  
  
"I can't promise you anything, you know that right luv?" He asked her.  
  
"I know, something is better than nothing." Dawn responded.  
  
It wasn't going to win any awards for fuzzy love moment of the year, but the two had made a very strange understanding. Spike then pulled Dawn even closer and kissed her. It wasn't the shy kiss Dawn had given him on his couch that fateful evening. It wasn't the simple kiss that Spike had given Dawn before he left for LA. This kiss was all about mutual desperation, mutual loneliness, and mutual hunger. Dawn wrapped her arms around Spike's neck and ran her fingers through his hair. Spike momentarily pulled from the kiss.  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want love? I've a broken man, there is no fixing that. You understand that, don't you?" He asked in between pants.  
  
"I love you for everything you are, broken man or not. Please, let me make you happy." Dawn replied.  
  
Spike picked the young woman up and carried her into the bedroom. The kissing began to raise both of their body temperatures. Dawn was tugging at the buttons on his shirt; Spike was unbuttoning Dawn's pants. For a few moments they were lost in one another. They consoled one another. Every single part of their brains and a majority of their hearts told them that what they were doing was wrong, but they were both too tired to fight it anymore. Spike came to the conclusion that Buffy had moved on with her life, and Dawn accepted the fact that she would always be second best. And at that moment, that was fine with her, because she was in bed with a man that had meant so many things to her over the years.  
  
Dawn started to kiss Spike's necks, rubbing her hand over his erection. He moaned softly and pulled her hand away. He then pulled her sweater off, devouring her flesh. He kissed and bit and played with every ounce of her flesh. Dawn was lost in passion she had only read about. She once again reached for Spike's inner thigh and he once again slapped her away.  
  
"Am I doing something wrong?" She asked nervously.  
  
"Couldn't do anything wrong if you tried. This is all for you. Just lay back and relax." Spike told her.  
  
Spike knew that Dawn was a virgin and he wasn't ready to deal with the responsibility of taking that away from her. He didn't know if he would ever be ready. Hell, he wasn't sure if he was truly ready to be doing what he was doing. He lovingly ran his fingers through Dawn's hair, attempting to relax her. He then removed her panties, and kissing her neck, her breasts, her stomach, he then disappeared under the covers. Dawn quietly moaned, while a few tears slipped down her face. She had never known what this could feel like and she never wanted to lose the feeling. She cried out in her orgasm and the unlikely pair fell asleep in one another's arms.  
  
***************************  
  
Spike awoke the next morning to a still sleeping Dawn and a mane of dark brunette hair flowing over his chest. He nudged the girl awake, still trying to figure out what exactly had happened the night before. He hadn't been drunk, but he clearly hadn't been thinking clearly. Had he and Dawn made an arrangement? Was he going to have to have sex with her? Was he going to have to break her heart, again? *Stupid bloody wanker* he thought to himself as he tried to wake Dawn up. He eyes fluttered a few times before giving Spike a lazy smile, cuddling even closer to him. He did admit that is was nice to have someone he adored so much wake up with him in the morning. It did ease the loneliness.  
  
"How'd you sleep, pet?" Spike asked.  
  
"Like the dead." She responded.  
  
"Can we talk Dawn?" Spike asked.  
  
Dawn sat up, pulling the sheet up with her. She had just noticed that she was naked and she felt a little more than vulnerable. She knew this was coming. He felt guilty for using her. He was going to tell her this was all a mistake and that she needed to move on with her life. Dawn was determined. He had given her a sliver and she was going to take that for all that it was worth.  
  
"I'm sorry about last night Dawn. I had no right to take advantage of you like that." Spike began.  
  
"Are you crazy? Last night was the greatest night of my life. Don't you see that Will? I wanted to be here. I wanted to be here with you."  
  
"I can't give you anything though Dawn. I can give you my love, but it's not the kind of love you want, it lacks the fire and passion that you need. I wasn't lying. I'm a broken man, with what happened with Buffy. I just can't give you what I gave her."  
  
"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking for you to give whatever you can. I love you, and please don't tell me it's some sort of child hood crush, because we both know it's not. I know I can't make you completely happy, I know that she's the only one that can do that. The only thing I'm asking is for you to let me love you."  
  
Spike looked into Dawn's eyes. Gone was the innocent child he had once known. Now, this was all woman. And this woman knew what she wanted. Spike was too tired to fight with her anymore. It's not like Buffy was ever coming back. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but Dawn already seemed to know that consequences. He reached over and pulled her onto his lap.  
  
"Whatever you wish love." Spike said.  
  
With that he kissed her on the forehead and got up to get some clothes to take a shower. Neither of them noticed that Julia had been standing at the door of Spike's bedroom, taking in all that she had seen. 


	37. Chapter 37

The Dance - March 2009 Chapter Thirty-Seven  
  
Buffy walked out of the hotel with Giles and Angel in tow. She glared at Spike, but oddly enough to confrontation was almost comforting. She could almost smell her Spike on the impostor, but she didn't fool herself into thinking it was him. She motioned for Angel and Giles to get Dawn. Spike didn't lie about wanting a one on one with the slayer, he did tell a tiny fib about Giles and Angel getting the damaged Slayer. As soon as Giles and Angel were within fifteen feet of the girl they were jumped by about twenty or so vamps. Spike just grinned at his Slayer. The Slayer that had consumed his every waking moment for the last decade.  
  
"Hello cutie." Spike said, winking at her.  
  
"So Spike, still running about the town with your lame half cocked schemes as usual I see." Buffy said playfully, twirling a stake in her bare hand.  
  
It was time for the dance, they could both feel it humming throughout their entire bodies. They faced off, it was the most evenly faced match that there ever was between a Slayer and a vampire. The two beings circled one another, not throwing a single punch, wanting to size up the competition. There eyes were deadlocked, they both knew there would be no deaths tonight. This was just a warm up, a taste of what was to come. Spike had every intention of killing Buffy, but he wanted to play with her for a bit. He missed fighting with her more than anything in his entire existence.  
  
"So are we going to fight or dance around each other like a couple of girls all night?" Buffy asked impatiently.  
  
"Patience luv. I want to make this last, I want to go with you all night long." Spike responded, the sexual innuendo not being lost on Buffy.  
  
She finally charged him, kicking him square in the jaw. Spike went flying back, landing on his butt. His fingers came up to wipe the blood forming around his mouth. He just grinned at his girl. He licked the blood and stood up, that was a freebie.  
  
"That's my girl, give it to me good." Spike said.  
  
They way he was talking chilled Buffy to the bone. It almost reminded her of their first time in the abandoned warehouse. She knew he was getting off on this, and part of that fact disgusted her. Part of it enthralled her, knowing that as much as his demon hated her, it still wanted her. Buffy then threw another bunch at Spike's face, he easily fended it off, flipping Buffy. She spun around and the dance had truly begun. Fists versus fangs, their movement was sheer poetry. They both knew they could go on for days without a winner. They knew one another's movements too well. The only way one of them was going to end up dead would be if one of them decided to play dirty, and neither had any intention of that at the moment.  
  
Angel and Giles weren't fairing quite so well. Giles was always sort of a clumsy fighter. Granted he got the job done, but there was nothing pretty about it. Angel was a much more sound fighter, but there was so much anger behind the fists that there wasn't much finesse. They had managed to stake about five of the vamps so far. Angel could see that Dru had Faith in her thrall, just in case something didn't play to her liking and she had to off the dark haired Slayer.  
  
The remainder of the Scoobies were standing on the balcony, watching the action. Dawn wasn't worried about Buffy or Spike, she knew that this was for show. She was more worried about Faith. Gunn and Wesley merely watched Buffy and Spike fight in awe. It was almost choreographed. They had been going at it for a good fifteen minutes and very few good blows were exchanged, it was almost as if they were meant to fight this fight.  
  
"I can't believe that's Will." Gunn said in half horror, half fascination.  
  
"When this is done, I'll let you borrow my Watcher's Journals. There's quite a bit about William the Bloody that you have no clue about." Wesley responded matter-of-factly.  
  
"Sure thing British Guy." Gunn responded, unable to tear his eyes away from the fight.  
  
Willow, Xander, and Anya were munching on popcorn. They knew that Buffy and Spike's little fight wasn't going to go anywhere. Hell, this was foreplay to them. As for Faith, she was alive and not their favorite person in the universe so they weren't too concerned. They didn't want Faith to die, but if she came in a little battered and bruised it wouldn't be the end of the world or anything.  
  
"Had enough, evil undead?" Buffy asked Spike.  
  
"No such thing with you luv. Pity I only get to kill you once." Spike responded.  
  
"Keep on dreaming fang breath." Buffy replied, blocking a kick to her stomach.  
  
Spike and Buffy continued their fight. They were completely oblivious to the fact that there was anyone else even there. There were blocked punches and kicks, neither took their eyes of the other.  
  
Giles and Angel had managed to take out most of Spike's little 'army.' They began to approach Dru.  
  
"Come on Dru, just give up the girl." Angel demanded.  
  
"Will you come with us then Daddy? We could all be a family again, 'cept for grand mummy, she's ashes." Dru replied.  
  
"Dru, I said hand her over now, you know what I do to naughty little girls that are being bad. They are punished." Angel said in his best Angelus voice.  
  
Dru whimpered a bit, until she realized that she was dealing Angel, not her Daddy.  
  
"You wouldn't hurt me." She hissed. "You broke me, there'll be no tea and cakes for me. It's you're fault, that's why you'll not kill me."  
  
"Angel may not be willing to kill you, but I am if you so much as look at that girl the wrong way." Giles sneered, letting Ripper come to the surface.  
  
"You don't play nice. Here have your stupid little girl. She wasn't any fun to play with anyway."  
  
With that Dru threw Faith into Angels arms, attempting to distract him. Angel tossed Faith into Giles' arms.  
  
"Take her inside. I'm going to go get Drusilla. If nothing else we can return the hostage favor."  
  
"How do you know that Spike will care?" Giles inquired.  
  
"Spike always had a soft spot for the loon, demon or soul." Angel replied before he disappeared to search for Dru.  
  
Fred and Dawn saw Giles carrying Faith into the hotel and went downstairs to help.  
  
"How is she?" asked Dawn.  
  
"She'll live. Aside from a couple of bites, it looks like most of it's just flesh wounds. Tell Xander to get down here and help carry her upstairs." Giles demanded.  
  
"Where are you going?" Fred asked.  
  
"Going to go make sure that Angel and Buffy get back in here, safely." Giles responded, and then he was out the front doors.  
  
Just as Giles got out the front doors he was hit in the back of the head and knocked unconscious. Buffy was so wrapped up in her fight that she never even noticed her watcher's limp body being carried off. She was too lost in his blue eyes. She hated him because he wouldn't slip into the demon mask, partially because he knew how much it unnerved her. He ducked from her punches, taking pure pleasure out of the entire experience.  
  
Angel tracked Dru down about two blocks from the hotel. He bound and gagged her. She attempted to scratch and claw her way, but Angel was simply too strong. Part of him pitied his insane creation and part of him was just upset that he couldn't muster the courage to just put her out of her misery. He to this day couldn't figure out how Spike had managed her for so many years. Angel stopped at the doors, waiting for Dawn to let him in. Spike caught Angel out of the corner of his eye and stopped fighting. He just stared at his sire with searing hatred. He stopped just long enough for Buffy to deck him a good one.  
  
"No fair, wasn't paying attention." Spike whined, holding his hand to the temple of his forehead.  
  
"All's fair in war and hate." Buffy spat, not wanting him to know how much she was actually enjoying their little warm-up.  
  
"Hey, what's the poofter doing with Dru?" Spike asked, standing up.  
  
Buffy shrugged.  
  
"I dunno, maybe he finally got the balls to stake her. So are we going to finish this or what?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Not right now luv, seems the scales have been tipped in your favor for now. Let's call this the end of round one." Spike replied.  
  
With that Spike kicked Buffy's legs from underneath her, but not before she pulled him on top of her. They stared at one another, both were breathing heavily, not that Spike needed to, and Buffy really wasn't all that winded. Spike reached down and lovingly brushed a strand of hair out of Buffy's face. Goose bumps evaded her skin with his touch. She reached into her back pocket, pulling out a letter, she slipped into his inner coat pocket.  
  
"What's that, pet?" Spike asked amused.  
  
"Just a little something for me to put your ashes in." Buffy responded.  
  
With that Spike bent over and kissed Buffy. It was a hard and passionate kiss. It completely took Buffy by surprise. It took a few moments for her senses to kick in. She pushed Spike off of her. She put her had over her mouth, she couldn't believe that she had just let him kiss her.  
  
"Missed you too ducks. Have to get going though. It's only a matter of time before I get those wards down. And if anything happens to my beautiful princess you won't be the only one who dies." Spike said.  
  
He recognized defeat. It wasn't really defeat, he had gotten what he wanted. Dru getting captured wasn't part of the plan, but he would work around it. He knew that his hair gel loving sire didn't have the balls to stake her. Spike blew another kiss to the slayer before he disappeared in the smoke from the fire.  
  
It took Buffy a moment to realize that she was sitting in the middle of the street, by herself. She covered her face with her hands and began to sob. She really wasn't sure at the moment why though.  
  
Anya and Willow exchanged glances when they saw Spike kissing Buffy.  
  
"Some things never change." Anya said noncommittally.  
  
"Yeah, guess so. You see that envelope that Buffy put in Spike's coat?" Willow asked the former demon.  
  
"Oh, that's Buffy's apology letter circa 2005. It never got to Spike. You'd have to ask Dawn about it. She's the one that never gave it to him, because, duh, she was in love with him." Anya replied.  
  
"Why would Buffy give him a letter that's over four years old?"  
  
"Maybe she's hoping that she can reach that shred of humanity that Spike has left." Cordelia responded wisely.  
  
The show was over and the group made it's way down to the street to clean up and get Buffy into the house. It was several hours before anyone even noticed that Giles was missing in all the confusion. 


	38. Chapter 38

Understanding - February-June 2006 Chapter Thirty-Eight  
  
Spike and Dawn had come to an understanding of sorts. If there ever was a relationship based on convenience, this was it. It was almost as if they skipped passed the blinding passion and cute nicknames right to being in a comfortable married like partnership. No one could understand it. Well, Angel and the gang couldn't figure it out and neither could the small remainder of the Scoobies. They were all at the point where they were all for Buffy and Spike moving their separate ways, it's just no one thought that Spike would move on with Dawn. It actually was kind of creepy to Fred, Gunn, and Wesley.  
  
"So when did they hook up?" Gunn asked.  
  
"I guess around New Years." Wes replied.  
  
"Am I the only one that thinks badness is going to come from this?" Fred asked meekly.  
  
"No sweetie, the Slayer is going to blow her motor when she finds out." Gunn said.  
  
"I'm certainly not going to tell her. Why are we even talking about what Dawn and William do in the privacy of their own home?" Wes added.  
  
"Shop gossip I suspect. It's no fun unless you know every innate detail of your co-worker's lives." Angel said.  
  
The three guilty looked up at Angel, knowing they had been busted. What were they supposed to do though? Just accept the fact that Dawn and Spike were now lovers? It just seemed so sudden to all of them, and weird. They could all see it. There wasn't enough flame between those two to light a match, much less carry on a romantic relationship.  
  
"Oh come on dead guy. You think it's just as creepy as the rest of us do." Gunn finally spoke up.  
  
"I admit it is a little odd, but we have to give them their space to discover their feelings for one another." Angel said.  
  
"I think I could tell them right now." Fred began. "They're using one another, plain and simple."  
  
"How do you mean?" Wes asked.  
  
"This is just a theory, but we all know that Dawn has had this unhealthy thing for Spike for what a decade now? And we all know that Spike is in love with Buffy. I don't care what any of you say, a love like that doesn't die within a matter of a few years. Dawn is using Spike as a security blanket and visa versa. If they are with one another, they don't have to face the possibility of being alone, or worse yet - having their heart broken."  
  
"Yeah, but Spike hooking up with Dawn isn't helping his chances with Buffy. And Dawn getting together with Spike, isn't that going to make things kind of tense between her and her sister?" Gunn contradicted.  
  
"But Spike thinks that Buffy doesn't even think about him anymore. We all know that Dawn doesn't say two words about her when she's around Spike. And none of the rest of do either. Face it guys, we all got sick of listening to Will whine about Buffy a long time ago. None of us wanted to hear about it anymore. It's easier to just not bring her up in front of him. If you think about it, for all Will knows Buffy has a boyfriend or something."  
  
"Why Dawn though?" Angel inquired.  
  
"No fear of rejection. He knows that she loves him unconditionally. He can be himself around her. And we all know that Dawn and Buffy don't really get along, so I'm doubting that Dawn has even taken into consideration Buffy's feelings. She's in some happy land of denial, thinking that if she shares a bed with Will, then she's really with him."  
  
"Should we do something?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Like what? Tell them they're making a huge mistake? That will just drive them closer together." Angel added seriously.  
  
"I guess we just hope that they eventually come to their senses." Fred ended.  
  
***************************  
  
Buffy heard about Dawn and Spike through the grapevine. Actually, Dawn told Fred, who told Angel, who told Wesley, who told Giles, who told Xander, who told her. It was a little strange to be the last one to know. She was crushed at first, angry. There wasn't a vampire alive in Sunnydale after the first week of finding out. She felt crushed and betrayed. She had spent the last few months dealing with that fact that he was gone, but she was not ready to deal with the fact that her own sister was with him now. After the first couple of weeks it died down to a deep seeded sadness, she knew that this all could have been avoided if she would have been honest with Spike in the first place.  
  
"How could she do this to me?" Buffy whined at Willow over the phone.  
  
The two were having their bi-weekly phone conversation. Willow insisted that she should be able to communicate with her friends in some way. She didn't want to be completely out of the loop when she returned home.  
  
"Buffy, I don't think it's that simple." Willow gently replied.  
  
"OK fine. How could he do this to me? I mean anyone but Dawn. I think I could have dealt OK if he would have ended up with Anya, or even you, Willow."  
  
"Thanks for the blessing Buffy, but I'm still gay. I don't think they are plotting revenge against you or anything." Willow added.  
  
"It feels like it though, Will. I mean I said I was sorry. I really wanted to work things out with him." Buffy said miserably.  
  
"Maybe he never got your message. Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding. Maybe you should just try to talk to him about this."  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to call him up and let him know that his scheme worked, that I'm miserable without him and jealous as hell." Buffy fumed.  
  
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Willow asked helpfully.  
  
"No. I don't want you, Xander, or Anya to bring this up to him. I don't want him to win. The next time I see him, I'm going to have a smug smile plastered to my face, a great looking guy on my arm, and he'll be the one that's jealous." Buffy replied.  
  
"Buffy, maybe it would be best for everyone if you were just honest with him." Willow pleaded.  
  
"No. I do not want any of you talking to him about me." Buffy said firmly.  
  
"Fine. So you think that he and Dawn are, you know, happy?" Willow asked.  
  
"Who knows. Dawn hardly ever talks to me and when she does it's filled with disdain and hostility. The only thing I know for sure is that everyone else is just as weirded out by this as I am."  
  
"It is a little weird, I have to admit. I just can't picture Dawn and Spike together, like that. I know they're really good friends, but there never seemed to be any chemistry there." Willow said, hoping that she was being helpful.  
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm not going to deal with it right now. I'm just going to think about Dawn and Spike doing naked things together. It's just way too creepy."  
  
"Not disagreeing with you. So, how's everything else?" Willow asked, relieved to change the subject.  
  
"Anya and Xander are on another break. It's getting almost as irritating as the me and Spike thing." Buffy huffed.  
  
"Now, don't say that. Nothing will ever be as irritating as you complaining about Spike, or him complaining about you." Willow said teasingly.  
  
"Thanks for the support." Buffy responded sarcastically.  
  
"Hey Buff, I gotta go. I'll talked to you later. Don't get down on yourself about this. Just don't think about it. I'll be home be ya know it and we'll work this all out." Willow said.  
  
"Thanks, Willow. What would I do with out you?" Buffy responded.  
  
"Probably would have pulled all of your hair out by now." Willow replied brightly.  
  
The two young women exchanged their good-byes and hung up the phone. Willow sighed. She knew there was something wrong about Spike and Dawn being together. She just couldn't put her finger on it. She wanted to talk to Spike about it, but she had promised Buffy she wouldn't. And she didn't want to make matters any worse than they were. She got up from her bed and went downstairs to have her weekly evaluation.  
  
*************************  
  
Spike looked down at Dawn with a weak smile. She was sound asleep. He sighed to himself. Most blokes would be delighted with a woman like Dawn. Spike on the other hand was mentally counting all the ways that she wasn't like his Slayer. He was content though. He knew in his heart that he could never love Dawn like he loved Buffy, but he tried to make the best of the situation. He did have a genuine affection for the girl and the two had a great time together. They had defined their relationship about four months ago and Dawn had finally accepted the fact that he wasn't ready to be sexually involved with her yet.  
  
He knew he was putting off the inevitable though. Eventually he would have to explain to Dawn that he didn't want to sleep with her because it still felt like he was cheating on Buffy. She had attempted on more than one occasion to relieve his sexual frustrations, but he always made some excuse for her not to. It wasn't even that he wasn't physically attracted to her, because he was. It was just too hard to him to grasp the concept of him actually having sex with her. Most of the time the idea gave him cold chills. It was one thing for them to play house, hold hands, share a bed, a sexual relationship was a whole other can of worms that he didn't feel like dealing with at the moment.  
  
*Bloody hell* he muttered to himself, slipping out onto the balcony to have a smoke. Every part of his being told him this was wrong, that he was using Dawn. It seemed like every time he tried to push her away, the closer it was that she clung to him. He also knew the others didn't approve. He hated the way that Peaches looked at him when he was with Dawn. In all honesty, Spike couldn't blame him for the looks of disgust. He had no clue what he had gotten himself into. There was no right way to handle the situation for the moment. He sighed as he tossed his butt into the planter. He turned around to find Dawn staring at him.  
  
"Whatcha doin?" She asked casually.  
  
"Thinking about you, pet." Spike answered, honestly.  
  
"Come on, lets go back to bed." Dawn said, pulling her ex-vampire back in the dark apartment.  
  
****************************  
  
Dawn felt that things had progressed pretty well over the past six months. She and Spike still hadn't 'done it' yet, but she understood that he needed to take his time. She wasn't a teenager anymore, but sex still scared her a little. She remembered hearing about Buffy's first time, and about Xander's, and about Cordelia's and she figured she could wait to have sex.  
  
Dawn was wrapped in her snug blanket of denial. She chose not to notice the strange look her friends gave her when she was with Spike. She didn't pay attention when Spike looked at her with sad, defeated blue eyes. Things were working out the way she wanted them to for once. She was going to make Spike happy. She knew she was.  
  
Dawn was at the car wash, lost in her thoughts, emptying empty pop bottles and fast food bags into a garbage bag. She reached over to go the glove compartment. She came across about five years worth of insurance cards that she tossed into the bag. Then a bulky letter fell out. It had Spike's name written on the envelope. She stared at before recognition hit her. She worriedly flipped the letter through her hands before deciding to go ahead and open it.  
  
Tears were streaming down her face as she read her sisters heart felt words. She knew that Buffy had never been one for her eloquent words, but this brutally honest letter was a bit of poetry in itself. Dawn struggled with what to do. She knew that Spike would leave her and run back to Buffy if he read this letter. But she also knew that if Buffy hadn't brought the letter up yet, then she probably wouldn't. Dawn knew how stubborn her sister could be.  
  
Dawn finally came to the conclusion that everyone would be better off if Spike never read this letter. She was making him happy, she could make things work between them. Spike and her sister were miserable together, why put them through that torment again? After about an hour of sitting in her now clean truck Dawn had convinced herself that no one ever needed to read this particular letter again. For some reason though, she never threw it away. She neatly folded it back up and put it in the glove compartment. 


	39. Chapter 39

The Stars and What Once Was - March 2009 Chapter Thirty-Nine  
  
"What do you mean Giles is missing?" Buffy fumed at Xander and Clem.  
  
"Well, we mean that Giles is missing, that he's not here." Xander huffed back.  
  
"Uh, guys. I found Giles' glasses outside of the door. There was a small trail of blood going around the corner of the hotel, into the alley." Willow piped in.  
  
"Let me guess, he was knocked unconscious and dragged off?" Buffy asked angrily.  
  
"Looks that way." Gunn added simply.  
  
"Great. This is just wonderful, now we have to go and rescue Giles right after we rescued Faith." Buffy fumed once more.  
  
"Hey, don't get pissy with us. We weren't the ones out there playing smoochies with the evil undead." Anya added.  
  
Xander beamed at his now-girlfriend-again proudly. He couldn't have said it better himself.  
  
"I wasn't playing..he kissed me.." Buffy tried to finish, she was vainly trying to push the crimson out of her face.  
  
"Well, at least we have Dru as a bargaining tool." Angel added.  
  
"Great we stole Spike's girlfriend. That'll make him not want to torch us all, all the less." Xander responded sarcastically.  
  
"As brilliant as your not helping is Xander, perhaps we could find something constructive to say." Wesley added.  
  
"Maybe we could get Drusilla to fess up to where the hide out is." Willow said.  
  
"How are we going to do that? The nut case speaks in riddles all the time. I guess we could try to torture some sense into her." Buffy said, only half jokingly.  
  
"Actually, the torturing probably won't work. See, she likes to be, uh, well, tortured. The only thing you're going to do is get her excited." Angel finished, very guiltily.  
  
"Gee, wonder how she got like that?" Xander said in an accusatory tone.  
  
"Now is not the time to play the blame game guys. Lorne and I'll go in there and see if we can read her at all. She may unwittingly tell us what we need to know." Cordelia said calmly.  
  
Xander and Angel glared at one another once more before going their separate ways. Angel couldn't figure out how Xander had so readily accepted humanized Spike, but still hated him with a fiery passion. Xander couldn't figure out what Cordelia saw in Brood Fest of the century.  
  
Cordelia and Lorne walked into Wesley's office, where Dru was chained to a chair and blindfolded. Angel didn't want her playing any of her little mind games on his friends, except for maybe Xander, who wasn't really a friend, more like someone he tolerated. Lorne and Cordelia sat on opposite sides of the crazy vampire. Angel and Buffy sat on the other end of the room, just in case something didn't go as planned.  
  
"Dru, we aren't going to hurt you, we just need to know where Spike is at." Cordelia said as calmly as she could.  
  
"It's all the mean Slayer's fault." Was all Drusilla would say.  
  
Lorne and Cordelia sighed at one another.  
  
"Come on gorgeous. Just tell us where the bleached wonder is and we'll let you go." Lorne tried.  
  
"You all lie, just like my Spoike. It isn't his fault you know." Dru cryptically replied.  
  
"Gee, I think I'm actually beginning to sympathize with Spike for putting up with her for so long." Buffy piped in.  
  
"Shhhhh slayer. I can hear your heart. It's his, he's gone. My daring knight is dead, left me." Dru began to whine.  
  
Angel looked at his childe in pity. He knew this wasn't going to get them anywhere. He should have just said so in the first place.  
  
"Cordy, honey, you might have to try to read her, you're never going to get anything that makes sense out of her."  
  
"OK." Cordelia replied.  
  
Cordelia reached to take Dru's hands. He face froze in terror as all of Drusilla's life passed before Cordelia's eyes. The murder, the torture, Angelus chaining her up, beating her. Spike, he was at Angelus' knees, pleading with him. Angelus raping Spike, Spike comforting Dru. Darla fighting with Spike, leaving him to fend for Drusilla. Nightmares that came true. Tea and cakes with Dru's mother, dead flowers, graves, blood, death, holy water, near death. Drinking blood, fucking Angel, Spike consoling her. Spike making love to her, Spike cleaning her wounds, Spike carrying her out of Prague. Spike leaving her, leaving her for the Slayer, even though he didn't know it yet. Spike being played, dark, shadowing man wishing for her Daddy's and the mean Slayer's death. He's using Spike, wants to kill Spike too. Cordelia flew back against the wall, tears readily streaming down her face. Angel looked at her worriedly.  
  
"Sweetie." Angel said, reaching down to help her up.  
  
Cordelia backed away and stood up on her own. She stared at Angel, her eyes filled with over a century of horror. She reached toward Drusilla and pulled the blind fold off of Drusilla. She bent over and stroked the vampire's hair back so it wasn't in her eyes anymore. Drusilla seemed to be as shaken by the experience and Cordy had been. Dru's eyes, too, were filled with sadness, and she simply looked at the floor.  
  
"Cordelia, what's going on?" Angel asked, his voice filled with concern.  
  
"God, you had the nerve to call Spike a monster." She said before realizing what she was saying.  
  
"What did you see? Did you see where Spike is now?" Buffy interrupted.  
  
"I saw everything. And I mean *everything*!" Cordelia spat in Angel's direction.  
  
"Honey." Angel began.  
  
"Just leave me alone. I need to sort through some things. Please, I need to lay down for a little bit. Buffy, would you help me to my room?"  
  
Buffy shrugged at Angel and helped Cordelia up to her room. Lorne just looked at Angel.  
  
"Man, you are going to be in the dog house for weeks." Lorne said, sympathetically.  
  
"Oh, how could I have let her do that. I should have known she would have seen everything." Angel said sadly.  
  
"Why don't you take a walk? Clear your head. I'm sure that's what Cordelia is doing right now. I'm sure it was a little bit of a shock to see what her lover's alter ego is really like. She still loves you. You know that right?" Lorne asked.  
  
"I know, I'm just not sure if she should." Angel responded somberly.  
  
And with that Angel left the room, leaving Lorne to vampire sit.  
  
*****************************  
  
"Cordelia, are you OK?" Buffy asked seriously after she helped the former cheerleader into her bed.  
  
"I'm just shocked. I mean I knew what Angelus was capable of, I just never thought it was to that extreme."  
  
"He was a different person then. You have to keep that in mind. I mean Giles and Wesley know *all* of the gritty details and they still care about Angel. And I know enough to understand why you are so freaked." Buffy said, attempting to comfort her friend.  
  
"It's just, I mean, I totally get why Spike hates Angel so much."  
  
"Yeah, he told me once, a long time ago about their extra curricular activities." Buffy said softly.  
  
"Spike, without a soul, humiliated himself over and over again to save Drusilla from the wrath that was Angelus." Cordelia said.  
  
"Yeah, well I'm sure that's part of the reason I fell in love with him before he went on his soul quest." Buffy responded sadly.  
  
Cordelia then reached over and held Buffy's hand, trying to return the comfort.  
  
"We'll find him. And we will fix him. He'll be our annoying Spike again before you know it." Cordelia said brightly.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"You just have to be willing to do what you have to do." Cordelia said, almost sounding as if she was possessed.  
  
"What did you mean by that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Buffy then realized that Cordelia had no recollection of making her last remark. Buffy was beginning to become mightily perturbed by all the cryptic messages flying around.  
  
"So what are we going to do about her royal loonyness?" Buffy asked.  
  
"We have to help her Buffy. I know she's a demon, but she's been through so much pain. If nothing else, we have to put her out of her misery. She's lost her whole family. Darla, Angel, Spike, they all left her in one way or another."  
  
"It's OK Cordy. I'll make sure Dru is well taken care, and I don't mean all dusty like either. You need to lay down and get some rest." Buffy said.  
  
With that Buffy left Cordelia to take a nap. She then went to check on Faith. Maybe, if she was lucky, which Buffy wasn't counting on, Faith would be able to remember where Spike's hid out was.  
  
************************  
  
When Buffy entered the room that Faith was in, she found that the Slayer healing power had been kicked into overdrive. Faith didn't look like she was going to be running a marathon anytime soon, but she looked conscious and she looked like she could talk. Faith and Buffy stared at one another with predatory glances before Buffy sat in the chair next to Faith's bed. Connor and Dawn had patched up all her wounds and were gathering their stuff up to leave.  
  
"B." Faith simply said.  
  
"Faith, been awhile." Buffy coldly replied.  
  
"It's nice to see you never gave up screwing vamps." Faith spat at her.  
  
"Nice to see you still look like trailer trash." Buffy replied.  
  
Connor and Dawn rolled their eyes at one another before they left. Dawn thought about putting a referee in the room with the two Slayers, just in case.  
  
"Well, enough with pleasantries. Thanks for the help." Faith said, breaking the ice.  
  
"Well, I guess it's kind of my fault that you were put in that situation." Buffy replied.  
  
"Five by Five here. So I see the new boyfriend is a little bit nuttier than Angelus was." Faith said nonchalantly  
  
Buffy gave her a 'you have no idea' kind of look before she launched into the twisted, dark, and ugly mess that was her and Spike's relationship.  
  
"That sucks Buff. So are we going to go kick his ass, or are you going to moon over him some more?" Faith said frankly.  
  
"Nice to see you're still sympathetic to other people's needs. You are not kicking anyone's ass, at least not for a few days. And yes I'm going to go kick his ass as soon as I can find him."  
  
"Why didn't you just ask then. Knew you weren't here just to check up on little ol' me." Faith said, fluttering her eye lashes in a mocking fashion.  
  
"I'm guessing warehouse or abandoned factory." Buffy said.  
  
"Definitely warehouse. Outskirts of town. Can't say exactly where though. Know it's on the west end of town. I mean Spikey pretty much kicked the shit out of me before using me as a fountain drink."  
  
Buffy winced at Faith's blunt description. She thanked Faith for all her help and got up to leave. Faith called her, before she made it out the door.  
  
"Hey, if it's any consolation, he is pretty hot, for a vampire that is. Clem and Angel told me about him, sounds like he's a good guy when he's not all possessed by demons." Faith said.  
  
Buffy turned and smiled at Faith. It was the closest thing to a compliment that she had gotten from Faith, in, well, ever. Buffy closed the door to let Faith get some rest. Her thoughts immediately turned to Giles. She was really worried about him, but she also knew that he was tough when he had to be. And she didn't think Spike would do much to him, she wasn't sure why, but she knew he was gunning for her, he really didn't care about the rest of them. It comforted her a little, but there was a little voice in the back of her mind telling her that she had to prepare for what needed to be done. Whatever that meant. 


	40. Chapter 40

When He Was Bad - September 2006 Chapter Forty  
  
Xander, Anya, Spike, Dawn, and Cordelia were waiting at the airport for Giles and Willow's plane to land. After what seemed like an eternity their Willow was finally going come home. Buffy had to work late that day, and the idea of seeing Dawn and Spike together was just too painful for her to deal with. She knew she had plenty of time to catch up with her best friend. Xander and Anya kept giving one another uneasy glances as they watched Spike and Dawn hold hands. They weren't dating anymore, well not this week anyway. Cordelia sat there, filing her nails, she was only there because she promised Angel that someone from Angel Investigations would be there to welcome the former witch. Considering that she and Angel were the only ones that knew her very well, and it was broad daylight, that left Cordelia back in Sunny D, unfortunately.  
  
They saw Giles and Willow walking towards them, seemingly out of nowhere. Giles hadn't changed much in the few months it had been since they had last seen him. Willow was paler than she had been, if that was at all possible. She looked well though. She had a look of happiness, weariness, and relief on her face, if it was possible to have such a combination. Oddly enough the red head ran towards Spike and threw her arms around him. In her new world, she felt the closest to him. Spike vigorously returned the hug, stoking the girl's hair.  
  
"Oh God, I missed you all so much." Willow exclaimed excitedly, letting go of Spike.  
  
The group then partook in a rather clumsy and embarrassing group hug; it almost felt like some of the pieces were finally coming together. They went to get all the luggage and headed toward The Bronze to let off some steam and catch up. Xander had warned Spike already that Buffy was going to get off work at nine, so he and Dawn could make with the big exit and not make with the big scene.  
  
"How you holding up Red?" Spike asked her seriously, setting a drink in front of her.  
  
"OK. Some days are better than others. I just feel so strange here. Like everyone moved on without me or something. I'm worried that I won't fit in anywhere anyone."  
  
"Rubbish. True, we have all moved on, but it wasn't without you, ducks. It will take some time. You'll be staying with Buffy and I'm sure you'll ease back into things."  
  
"I know, I'm just a little frightened." Willow admitted.  
  
"Chin up. Things get to be too much; you don't hesitate to call me." Spike said seriously.  
  
"So how are things going with you and Dawn?" Willow asked, honestly not meaning to pry.  
  
"Fine. So you finish that latest book in our 'Nerds of Classical Literature' club?" Spike asked.  
  
Willow thought it was really strange how Spike changed the subject so quickly. She wondered why he didn't want to talk about Dawn with her. She knew he trusted her not to break his confidence. Why would he simply avoid her like that? She didn't want to push though. It was her first day back, there would be plenty of time for pushing later on.  
  
"I'm not sure if you would call 'Lord of the Flies' classical literature, Will. I mean it was kind of short, and really gory."  
  
"It's a bloody brilliant book. That Jack, now there's a bloke I would have wanted on my side back in the day." Spike responded.  
  
"OK, now you sound like the old Spike. The one that wanted to kill all of us."  
  
"Come on, you know I didn't really want to kill you all, just Buffy." Spike replied, only half joking.  
  
With that Xander and Dawn showed up. Dawn grabbed Spike and they headed out to the dance floor. It was the first time that Xander or Willow had seen them together. It was a little unnerving.  
  
"It's just not right." Xander finally said.  
  
"No it's not." Willow replied simply.  
  
"I never thought I would say this, but I really wish that Spike and Buffy would just get back together."  
  
"You and me both. Spike totally avoided my question when I asked how he and Dawn were getting along. He almost looked miserable when I asked."  
  
"I know what you mean. He avoids all Dawn related questions. It's obvious the guy isn't happy, he's torn Will."  
  
"Yeah, I suppose he is."  
  
With that Buffy walked through the door of The Bronze. She was wearing brown leather pants and a low cut cream colored blouse. It was obvious that she had gone home and changed before coming to the club. Xander was out of his seat before she had a chance to notice anyone.  
  
"Hey Buffy, why don't we go upstairs. It's cozier." Xander asked.  
  
"Where is everyone?" She asked innocently.  
  
"Man, you sure got off work early. It's only 7:30 pm."  
  
"Yeah, my boss let me off early when I told her Willow was coming home." Buffy answered, searching for Willow.  
  
Buffy's search stopped when she saw a lean man with dirty blonde hair dancing with a slender woman with long dark hair. Her mouth just hung open. Xander quickly grabbed her hand and they went to the upper balcony. When they got up there, Buffy just walked to the railing and stared down at her former lover and sister.  
  
"I thought they were leaving right after Willow's plane got in." Buffy stated.  
  
"Yeah well, you know, long time, no see, thought we would all catch up before you got off work." Xander responded lamely.  
  
"Do you want me to go?" Buffy replied, half in a daze.  
  
"No, I'll get Anya to tell Spike and Dawn to leave, no biggie."  
  
"Maybe I should go say something to them." Buffy said as if she wasn't listening to a word that was coming out of Xander's mouth.  
  
"That's a bad plan Buff. It's Willow's first night back. Let's not make with the dramatics right now. Please. You can call Dawn tomorrow and scream at her all you want." Xander pleaded.  
  
"Xander, why do I feel numb?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Probably just shocked."  
  
With that Buffy came back to reality. She felt completely numb. She wasn't angry or pissed or even sad. She didn't feel anything. She didn't think she had enough left in her to feel.  
  
"Why?" Was all Buffy said.  
  
"What can I say. People do strange and fucked up things. Sometimes they don't even know that they're doing strange and fucked up things." Xander answered the best he could.  
  
Buffy just nodded and went to sit on one of the upstairs couches. Xander sat next to her, holding her hand.  
  
"Buffy, the only reason I'm going to tell you this is because it's the truth and I think you should know it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It seems to be the popular consensus that Spike is miserable with Dawn. Any fool, except for your darling little sister could see he's still in love with you."  
  
"Then why does he stay with her if he's so unhappy?" Buffy asked seriously.  
  
"He probably has no idea how to end it for starters. I mean he had no business getting into a relationship like that in the first place, and now he doesn't know how to get out. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Buffy, he thinks you don't care about him one way or the other."  
  
"Are you trying to tell me that he's using my sister?" Was her only answer.  
  
"No Buffy, I'm sure it's nothing like that. It's just he won't say anything about their relationship to me or Willow. And Dawn won't talk either. I have no clue what's going on between them." Xander responded honestly.  
  
"Xander, you're my friend, but I do not want to talk about this right now. I admit I was a little shocked at first, but I'm OK now. I just need a drink to calm my nerves."  
  
"When are you going to want to talk about this? When it really is too late to do anything, or do you want to just live in your happy little world of denial with your sister?" Xander spat at his friend.  
  
"I'm serious Xander. This is not up for debate, we are not talking about this anymore. Could you please ask my sister and Spike to leave. I would like to talk to my best friend if it's OK with them." Buffy hissed.  
  
"Fine." Xander responded in his best "fuck-you too" voice.  
  
When Xander reached the lower level he saw that Spike and Dawn were playing pool.  
  
"Uh guys, maybe it's time for you guys to go." Xander said.  
  
"Why? It's only 8:00, got another hour before we have to leave." Dawn replied.  
  
That's when Spike sensed her. He hadn't seen her in years, but he could feel her all the same. She was as unhappy as him it seemed. Maybe all the wankers had been right, maybe Buffy really did miss him.  
  
"She's here, isn't she?" Spike asked.  
  
Xander only nodded.  
  
"Maybe I should go up and say hello. It would be the polite thing to do."  
  
"Probably not a good idea right now Spike. See, it's Willow's first night back and we all really want to have an Emergency Room free evening. Will, she's pissed. Just take Dawn and we'll talk about this later." Xander pleaded.  
  
Spike could see the desperation in his eyes. Spike knew that they should leave, he grabbed Dawn's arm and they began to make their way to the exit. He looked up and saw a small figure standing in the shadows. He stared at it with his intense blue eyes and mouthed a few simple words.  
  
Buffy saw Spike staring at her. She knew he couldn't actually see her, but she could have sworn he mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to her.  
  
Dawn released herself from Spike's grip and spun around back toward the group. Dawn had been drinking pretty steadily all night, and at this moment it was clear she was drunk. Spike tried to grab a hold of her once more, but she simply pushed him away.  
  
"So what? Why do we have to leave? Is Buffy jealous because I can do the one thing she can't or something?"  
  
"Luv, please, let's just go before you say something you'll regret."  
  
"Honey, I can handle this. I'm sick of sneaking around. Spike and I are in love and you all just need to deal with it."  
  
Everyone clearly saw Spike wince when Dawn said that the two of them were in love. In that moment all of Willow and Xander's suspicions were confirmed.  
  
"Sweetie, come on, you'll hate yourself in the morning. Please, it's a long drive back, let's just go." Spike pleaded once more.  
  
"You know, sometimes I miss it when you were a vampire. At least you had a backbone then." Dawn slurred.  
  
No one could deny the hurt in Spike's eyes. Even Giles felt sorry for the poor lad.  
  
"You know that's why my sister doesn't want anything to do with you. You're just a big book wormy pussy now. Hell, I could probably kick your ass." Dawn spat at him.  
  
"Come on Dawn. You're drunk. Just let Spike take you home. You're already going to feel bad about this in the morning." Cordelia finally spoke up.  
  
"I don't feel so good." Dawn said all of the sudden  
  
Spike got her outside just in time for her to empty the contents of her stomach. She then passed out and Spike took the lithe body into his arms. He apologized to everyone quickly and then he was gone before anyone could say anything. 


	41. Chapter 41

Interrogations and Torture - March 2009 Chapter Forty-One  
  
Nick was seriously worried about how things were going. Sure he was an evil vampire, but torture was never much his thing. When he had been human he was a stage actor, he liked to entertain people, make them laugh. Sure, he was now a viscous killer, but that's what he did. He picked his victim out, killed them and left them. He had never been big on mind games, torture, or bullying. He saw the watcher tied up in an uncomfortable looking position and sighed. There was dried blood over most of his face and several bruises on his naked torso. Oddly enough, the watcher didn't look all that frightened considering he was surrounded by vampires. Nick casually strolled over to the watcher and sat in a chair facing him.  
  
"How you doing old man?" Nick asked, honestly concerned.  
  
"Just peachy." Giles responded glumly.  
  
"Things were not supposed to go down like this." Nick said, almost thinking aloud.  
  
"You're the one that turned him, aren't you?" Giles asked  
  
"Yeah I did."  
  
"I almost feel sorry for you." Giles said before coughing up a small amount of blood.  
  
"Why's that?" Nick asked, almost afraid.  
  
"Buffy is going to kick every square inch of your arse when she finds you. Not because of me, but because of what you did to him." Giles answered matter-of-factly.  
  
"Just following orders." Nick said before realizing what he had just said.  
  
Giles then looked at the vampire quizzically. Well, at least that confirmed his suspicions. He didn't think for a moment that Spike being turned was an accident.  
  
"You're not like the rest of them are you? You're scared, aren't you? The whole kidnapping, torture thing isn't you're cuppa tea, is it my friend?" Giles interrogated.  
  
Nick gave him an irritated look. He was annoyed that this stranger had seen through him so quickly. He was mildly relieved that Spike was locked in his office, preoccupied. Nick knew that if Spike was on his full game that he would have picked up on his doubts a mile away. Giles couldn't help but notice how the vampire had drifted off. He found it odd that this vampire chosen to remain in his human visage, even with a hostage.  
  
"It's not too late you know." Giles finally said.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"To make things right."  
  
"Thanks for the pep talk, but I already have two employers to deal with." Nick huffed. "I suppose if I untie you, you're not going to go anywhere are you?"  
  
"Considering I'm outnumbered about twenty-five to one, I don't suspect I'll be going anywhere for quite some time."  
  
Nick then reached over and untied the knots and the watcher was free.  
  
"You want something to eat? Figure we could play some poker or something. I think blondie's going to be in there for quite awhile. Name's Nick by the way."  
  
"Giles." Giles said, extending his hand.  
  
**************************  
  
Spike paced and forth in his office, twirling the envelope in his hands. His demon screamed for him to just burn it and to go off and torture the watcher for a bit. His humanity cried for him to find out what his long lost love had to say to him. There was once again a small victory for his humanity. He sat down and lit a smoke before carefully opening the letter. The first thing he noticed was the date, and judging from the yellowing of the paper the letter had to have been as old at the date indicated it had been. He mentally figured out what he had been doing around that time, it then dawned on him that was the summer that Dawn came to live with him. He scowled slightly when he realized what Dawn had done. Dawn was now on the top of the list of people to kill in Spike's twisted mind. He then began to read the letter.  
  
July 21st, 2005  
  
To my annoying ex-vampire:  
  
I figured that you would know it was really me if I started this letter on a slightly sarcastic note. I think sarcasm is the right word, I don't know. You and Dawn were always the brains in our fucked up little family.  
  
I guess I should start by apologizing, not just for hitting you that last time, but for every time I hurt you before that. I don't know why I can't just say - I'm sorry. You would think those two little words wouldn't be that big of a deal, right? Apparently it is hard if you're a bitchy and stubborn slayer like I am. It just always seemed easier to blame you for everything, you know? Before, you always readily accepted the blame, because anything to make me happy and all that.  
  
So many things could have been avoided if I would have just been honest with you from the start. I love you so much; sometimes it hurts to breathe when I think about you. I remember how we would get lost in one another's eyes and the entire world would just fall away until it was just the two of us. I miss how you smell, how you would whisper comforting words in my ear late at night. You were my rock and I pushed you away. I would say if I could turn back time I would have done so many things differently, but then we wouldn't have Julia, would we?  
  
I loved you even when you were an 'evil souless monster.' - see what I did with the quotation mark thingys? I never thought you were evil and I always knew that you loved me; I was the one that was at fault. I used you, in so many different ways. I didn't want to get hurt again, and I knew that you had the power to hurt me. I forgave you so long ago for that attack. I know you regret what you did and I know there is nothing either of us can do to change it, but we can go on from here.  
  
I love you the way you are now too. I was just shocked when you came back human, I didn't think you were the same guy I fell in love with. You were still my Spike, just toned down a little bit. We just shouldn't have moved so fast, we should have gone slow this time, taken the time to get to know one another. We were just both so lonely that we blindly ran to one another for comfort, you know?  
  
I want to get to know you again William. I know I can't have what you have with Dawn, because, duh, I hate to read, but I want us to be intimate. I mean more than the naked kind of intimate, not that it isn't nice, because I love being naked with you. OK I am blushing so hard now it's pathetic. I mean I don't know what you're favorite book is or your favorite color is. OK the color thing I have a pretty good idea about. I want to know what your childhood was like. I want to know what makes you tick, granted I admit I'm a little self-absorbed at times and will probably space off from time to time, but you have to just make me pay attention or threaten to kick my ass.  
  
I should have never accused of fooling around with my sister, I know that you wouldn't really do that. She's like your kid sister or something. I had no right to jump to conclusions. I think I was doing that stupid defense mechanism thing again. You know me, not happy unless I'm pissed at you or miserable in general.  
  
Sometimes I have no clue why you ever loved me so much. I am such a whore sometimes. I mean I can count on one hand how many times I've been nice to you in the last decade. I'm too skinny, I have this totally weird bump in my nose. And while I'm being brutally honest, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box. I know I have the intuition and instinct thing happening, but I have no clue who that Salinger guy is that you talked about all the time. Was he someone you went to college with or something?  
  
I want to tell you why I love you. You suffered so much for what you believed in. Not with just me. I mean I know what you went through for Drusilla, and I don't know many other soulless beings that would sacrifice that much for one person. You are so fucking charming it's pathetic, I mean that smile of yours could melt the hearts of Eskimos. Those eyes, those wonderfully deep cerulean blue eyes. I could get lost for weeks in those eyes. What you always did for me and Dawn, you always cared about us and made us feel loved, even when no one else did. Your weird obsession with hot chocolate and buffalo wings is so laughable it's endearing and cute. Even though Angel had the soul, you always seemed to have so much more life and humanity flowing through your veins. You changed without a soul, without anyone forcing you. You overcame obstacles that the rest of us couldn't even imagine facing. And I love you for you, whatever you are now, whatever you will be in the future. I think I'm finally getting that unconditional love thing that Dawn talks about all the time.  
  
I'm not saying you have to accept this and run to me with arms wide open, but I would like to talk. Nothing big, maybe we could just have a cup of coffee and go from there. I know that I still want you to be a part of my life, even if you have moved on. I will be thinking about you until then.  
  
I will always love you,  
  
Buffy (the annoying, bitchy slayer)  
  
Spike tossed the letter to the side, he hadn't even realized that he had been crying until that moment. His demon was seriously pissed. His demon wanted to run over to the hotel and torch the joint without giving it a second thought. It knew it was losing the battle, the ponce sitting here crying was proof enough of that. The demon then tempted Spike with the prospect of hurting Buffy, like he had hurt her. And nothing would hurt Buffy more right now that having her dear father figure cut up like a paper doll. The thought of releasing some anger calmed Spike down considerably. An evil smile played across his face as he walked out of his office, his duster flying behind him.  
  
"Ok kiddies. We're going to play a game. We're going to see how long it takes for the watcher to pass out from the pain."  
  
Nick dropped his cards and looked at Spike. Maybe the watcher had been right, maybe there was still something her could do. While Spike was busy sharpening his 'tools' Nick snuck out the back door and headed for the hotel. 


	42. Chapter 42

Honesty - October-December 2006 Chapter Forty-Two  
  
A few weeks had passed since Dawn and Spike had left Sunnydale. Dawn claimed that she had been too drunk to remember what she had said and Spike let it go. He knew what he needed to do though. He had to let Dawn go, he was simply destroying both of them. He knew that his friends didn't approve, hell they knew that he wasn't interested in Dawn. Poor Dawn seemed to be the only one that wasn't catching up to what was going on. After almost ten months of being together with the younger Summers, Spike finally confided in Xander.  
  
"So what are you going to do?" Xander asked his friend.  
  
"I don't know, never had to break up with anyone before, they usually leave me." Spike said miserably.  
  
"Man, you just gotta be honest with her. It will be better for everyone."  
  
"I've tried, it's just too bloody hard. I should have never gotten involved with her in the first place."  
  
"Probably not Will. It's too late now though, the sooner you do, the better it will be for everyone. Everyone knows that you're miserable, except for Dawn apparently. I mean Willow said she was going to so kick your ass if you don't just admit that nothing good is going to come put of you and Dawn being together."  
  
"Glad to see the little girl hasn't lost her spunk. I know you're right. I'm going to talk to her as soon as she gets home from class." Spike replied.  
  
Just then Dawn walked through the door, tears were streaming down her face. She threw her bag on the sofa and ran to their bedroom and slammed the door.  
  
"Harris, gotta go, looks like nibblit's going to have a break down."  
  
"Kay, good luck, let me know how everything goes."  
  
The two men exchanged good byes, hung up the phone, and then Spike went into their bedroom. Dawn was sobbing uncontrollably. He hoped she was OK, partly for selfish reasons. He wanted to break it off before he lost his nerve, once again.  
  
"What's wrong pet?"  
  
"Everything. Remember I had my doctor's appointment today?" Dawn asked in between sobs.  
  
All of Spike's selfish thoughts were immediately put on hold. He rushed over to Dawn and held her hands, his faced was filled with concern.  
  
"Please tell me what's wrong luv. I hate to see you cry." Spike told Dawn.  
  
"They found some cysts, cause you know my period hasn't been regular lately."  
  
"What does that mean luv?" Spike asked, clearly confused.  
  
"I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy, Spike. I'm never going to have kids. I have cancer and I'm never going to have kids." Dawn sobbed uncontrollably.  
  
Spike just pulled Dawn onto his lap and held her. She needed him more now than ever. The others will just have to understand that there was no way that he could leave her now. Not like this.  
  
*********************  
  
They surgery went well, and there were no complications. Dawn's hospital room was filled with balloons and flowers, and she was still miserable. She had never thought much about having children before. Being the cool aunt had always been her gig, but now that the choice was gone for her she was miserable. She was afraid that Spike was going to leave her now, she was scared that she really would be all alone. She thought of her sister. Buffy was alone, but she would always have Julia. What did she have? A reluctant former vampire that refused to have sex with her? Her sisters friends? Conner was the only friend that was really hers, and he had never shown any interest in her.  
  
In the weeks prior to her discovery about the cancer she knew that she and Spike had become painfully distant. She could feel him withdrawing from her. She knew part of it was because of the horrible things that she said that she had claimed to have forgotten. Dawn knew that after Spike had been in the same room with Buffy again that all his old feelings for the Slayer had come rushing back to the surface. Dawn was not going to be alone, she couldn't. She knew that Spike would never love her like he loved her sister, but she knew that she could truly make him happy. They would be happy, Dawn thought to herself as she drifted back to sleep.  
  
********************  
  
Buffy ran her fingers over the phone number for the hundredth time. She had been staring at it for almost an hour now. She knew she should call. Hell, she hadn't even taken the time to go up and visit her sister, the least she could do was call and see how she was doing. She had to just suck it up and realize that Spike was with Dawn now and there was nothing that could be done about it. She could have a civilized conversation with her former lover, she knew she could. She just had to keep the snide remarks to a minimum. She slowing dialed the number and held her breath while it rang.  
  
"Hello." A comforting British voice answered.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked nervously.  
  
"Buffy, that you?" Spike replied.  
  
"Yeah, I was just calling to see how Dawn was doing. I was going to come up, but I was worried about, well."  
  
"About running into me and us having a huge confrontation in the middle of the hospital?"  
  
"Yeah, something along those lines." Buffy replied meekly.  
  
"Bit's doing fine. She'll be sore for a few weeks, but I took some time off work to be with her." Spike said.  
  
"That's good. I mean someone should be with her. I'm glad you're there for her." Buffy said, surprised at the honesty in her voice.  
  
"You mean that?" Spike asked skeptically.  
  
"I didn't think I would, but I'm really glad that you're there to take care of her. She really needs you and she loves you so much."  
  
"That she does love, that she does. So, how are you doing?"  
  
"Not bad. As you know Julia is now in her terrible threes and I'm having a bitch of a time finding a baby sitter that will watch her more than once." Buffy said lightly.  
  
Spike chuckled, he figured if they could talk about Julia and nothing else then things would be fine.  
  
"Know what you mean, luckily I live a building filled with old people that practically fight over getting to watch her."  
  
"Spike, can I ask you something?" Buffy said suddenly.  
  
"Sure pet."  
  
"Do you love Dawn? You aren't using her are you? I mean because if you are I swear that I'll come up there and really kick your ass this time."  
  
"What, you mean like you used me Slayer?" Spike asked, the venom of his words consuming him.  
  
"Yeah whatever Spike. I don't want to fight. I just want to make sure that you guys are happy together. I mean I don't want you to be alone." Buffy said, attempting to tide down the fury that was building within her.  
  
"What, you didn't seem to be too concerned with me being alone when you kicked me out of your life. Me and nibblit are doing just fine." Spike said, wanting to kick himself the entire time he was talking, *just tell her the truth, you twit* the back of his mind was screaming at him.  
  
"Spike, knock it off with the defensive already. I just wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. I hope that you and Dawn are happy together."  
  
Spike looked as if he was going to burst into tears once more. This was Buffy really giving him the finally shove off. She really had moved on with her life, and he was no longer part of it.  
  
"Thanks Buffy. I hope you find someone too." Was all he said before he hung up the phone.  
  
Buffy heard the phone click and she dropped it. She slid down the wall and onto the floor. She had finally let him go. There was no going back now. She couldn't just show up there, in LA, and tell Spike that she was still in love with him. He was with Dawn now, and he seemed happy. He was there to help her sister, to love her in a way that Buffy could never quite handle. He never once mentioned her apology, which meant that he was probably still pissed at her, well she could tell he was still pissed by the sound of the hostility in his voice towards her. She stood up, dried her eyes and went to go pick up Julia from day care.  
  
***********************  
  
"You don't think he'll break it off now, do you?" Willow asked Xander worriedly.  
  
Xander and Willow were sitting at the Magic Shop, eating lunch. Anya was in the basement, taking inventory.  
  
"No way. This is probably the most horrible thing I will most likely ever say, but if I hadn't seen Dawn come out of the operating room, I would almost say she was faking it so Spike wouldn't leave her. How messed up is that?" Xander asked his best friend.  
  
"Don't worry, I was thinking something along those same lines. Spike told me she'd be in bed for the next few weeks and she had to have chemotherapy to make sure they got everything. He's not going anywhere for a while." Willow said.  
  
"You think that maybe one of should just suck it up and talk to Dawn? I mean there is no way she could be in that much denial. And then we should repeatedly smack Buffy and Spike until they come to their senses." Xander added.  
  
"We'd probably just mess everything up even more. I know it's corny, but sometimes have a way of working themselves out. I have a feeling fate will eventually intervene." Willow said.  
  
"You're right Willow. That was the corniest bunch of cheese that I have ever heard. I'm just worried about Dawn getting even more hurt than she already is." Xander said.  
  
"I know, it must be so awful for her, I mean I was thinking about having one done, just for the hell of it, so I didn't have to do the menstrual thing anymore - she never even got to decide."  
  
"Well at least she's a Summer's woman. She'll make it through this, she's been through worse. Besides it's not like she and Spike were ever going to have kids. And that mean they would have to being having the intercourse to be having the little ones." Xander said.  
  
"You mean that they haven't, you know?"  
  
"Nope. Which is why I'm saying there is no way that Dawn is that deep in denial. You don't date someone for that long without at least talking about it. Spike told me that he just keeps telling her he isn't ready and she just accepts it."  
  
"This entire thing is just so wrong on so many levels." Willow huffed.  
  
The two sat in silence and finished the remainder of their lunches. They were both having inner struggles on whether or not they should intervene at this point or not. 


	43. Chapter 43

The Traitor - March 2009 Chapter Forty-Three  
  
The lobby of the Hyperion had turned into a makeshift research room. Texts and books were spread all over the place. No one was exactly sure what they were looking for, but Buffy just kept telling them they would know when they found it. It had been nearly twenty-four hours since Giles capture, and while everyone was about ninety percent sure that Giles was alive, there was a nagging feeling in the back of their minds that things were not going to be OK.  
  
They were pretty much barricaded in. There was about fifty or so vamps surrounding the perimeter of the hotel, and no one was exactly sure how many Spike had recruited in the short time since his turning. Anya had attempted a few locating spells, but nothing that worked. She simply didn't have the power that Willow had once had, or even Tara for that matter.  
  
"This is so useless." Xander said, throwing his hands up in defeat.  
  
"I know, but there isn't much else we can do until we can find out where Spike is hiding." Willow said gently.  
  
"Come on you guys. We'll find him, and then Buffy and Angel will take turns beating the hell out of him and then he and Buffy will get back together and everything will be just peachy." Gunn piped in, sarcasm dripping from his voice.  
  
"Yeah, you apparently have never lived on a hellmouth. There is no such thing as a happy ending. Hey, I know, maybe some vamp will betray Spike and come here and lead us to him." Xander quipped, Gunn's sarcasm lost on him.  
  
Just then there was a knock on the door, they looked up and saw a man standing at the door. He was pretty average looking, except for the mullet that is. He was wearing a black T-shirt and blue jeans. The three knew he was a vamp, but they weren't sure why it was there.  
  
"Hey, maybe a million dollars will fall from the ceiling." Willow then said hopefully.  
  
Gunn grabbed a crossbow before he let Xander proceed to the door.  
  
"Let me guess, you work for Spike." Xander said dryly.  
  
"Yeah, let me in. I need to talk to the slayer, right now." Nick said.  
  
"And why would we do that?" Xander asked skeptically.  
  
"Because if you don't your British watcher guy is going to end up a pile of assorted body pieces that all the kings horses and all the kings men won't be able to put back together again. Now let me the fuck in before one of his guys sees me standing here." Nick fumed.  
  
Xander gave Gunn a look, and Gunn just nodded, giving the OK to let the vampire into the hotel.  
  
"Fine, you can come in. Just warning you that your white flag doesn't mean shit if you start treating this like an all you can eat buffet."  
  
"No problem big guy." Nick said before he walked in.  
  
Xander and Gunn immediately grabbed Nick and moved him to a chair, where they proceeded to duct tape his arms and legs to the chairs. They noticed that Nick accepted their actions and didn't attempt to struggle. They exchanged glances and Xander went to get the rest of the gang.  
  
After the group was assembled Wesley took the roll of interrogator, with Angel being his second in command.  
  
"What kind of trick is this?" Wes began.  
  
"No trick, swear it. You guys all know Spike, he was never one for stealthy plans. He's just trying to get the wards down so he can torch this place." Nick answered.  
  
"So, why are you here then?" Wes pressed.  
  
"I guess you could say that watcher of yours talked some sense into me. I had no idea what the plan was, I was just promised some respect and a decent amount of cash. I honestly had no clue what I was getting into." Nick answered honestly.  
  
"You're the one that turned Spike aren't you?" Angel asked.  
  
"Guilty party here." Nick responded meekly.  
  
Buffy shot up before anyone could move, Buffy was out of her seat, pulling a stake out of her waist band and was on Nick. Angel pulled her off of him and removed her to a safe distance from the hostage.  
  
"You are so fucking dead." Buffy screamed at Nick.  
  
"Boy, Giles wasn't kidding about the kicking my ass part. Hey, I get it though, I mean I'd want to stake me too under the circumstances." Nick replied nonchalantly.  
  
"Angel, why don't you take Buffy upstairs, we aren't going to make much progress if she tries to kill the prisoner."  
  
"Sure thing Wes, go ahead without me." Angel said before taking Buffy up to her room.  
  
"Where were we. Yes, why did you turn Spike? It's obvious that it wasn't an accident." Wesley implied.  
  
"My boss has had him pegged for a few years now. I mean me and a few others have been following Spike around for a few years now, getting to know his routine, waiting for the word to turn him."  
  
"Why did your boss want to turn Spike? It's seems a little strange that another master vampire would want Spike back to his old tricks?" Wes asked.  
  
"First question. My boss wanted Spike to kill Buffy, and Angel if it was at all possible. Second question. My boss is human and Spike was to be eliminated as soon as he finished his mission." Nick said matter-of- factly.  
  
"So who is your boss. And don't tell me you won't tell me because you know I won't dust you. I won't dust you, but I will make you want me to if you don't answer my questions." Wesley said in a threatening voice.  
  
"Hey, I am all for cooperating. I came here of my own free will. Before I say anymore though, I want a couple of things." Nick said.  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"I want you to let me go after I tell you where Spike is. I'll leave the country, whatever. And I want you to let me take Drusilla with me."  
  
"I can't promise you anything. I'd have to talk to Angel and Buffy first. I don't think they'll go for letting Dru go, but you they might be willing to bend the rules on. Now talk." Wesley said.  
  
"Fair enough, I got myself into this mess. My boss is Quentin Travers."  
  
Everyone in the room just stared at one another. None of them could believe it. That wasn't true, none of them had any problems believing that Quentin would do something this low. None of them could figure out why he would bring Spike into the picture.  
  
"I see. I'm not all that surprised. Why Spike though?"  
  
"This is what I was told. After the council found out that Spike had been humanized, QT got this big hard-on to find out what happened to Spike's demon. He finally figured it out, as I'm sure you all have by now. He decided to hire Spike through the council so he could keep an eye on him. He then hired me to trail Spike over the last five or so years, our orders were find out what we could about him. Honestly, there wasn't all that much to tell, aside from him fooling around with the kid sister."  
  
Dawn's face turned about a thousand shades of red at that very moment.  
  
"So if Quentin wanted to turn Spike, why didn't he just do it right away?" Willow asked.  
  
"I guess he wanted to make sure the demon was good and pissed. QT wanted Spike turned because he wanted Angel and Buffy dead and a disposable assassin."  
  
"So why didn't he just hire you to do it then?" Gunn asked.  
  
"If you ever saw me fight, you would know why. I'm small potatoes my friends. Most the time I feed off homeless people and crack whore hookers. In the grand scheme of things I'm not a threat to any of you." Nick replied honestly.  
  
"So why did you come to us?" Wesley asked.  
  
"I just wanted to make some cash. Following Spike around was a good paying job, so was turning him. I'm telling you right now, I did the guy a favor, he was miserable as a human. Sorry, my opinion. I'm a vampire, dead slayer, sounded like a good plan. It wasn't anything personal, I'm sure your Buffy is a great gal and everything. And Angel is really just a pain in the ass for all vampire kind."  
  
"OK, so why did you come to us?" Wes asked again.  
  
"I didn't really think about the repercussions of my actions. I mean this could turn into a real war. Spike is gone. He keeps muttering to himself about putting *everyone* out of their misery. I thought he just wanted to kill the Slayer, turns out that he wants all of you dead and seemingly the rest of the planet. He keeps telling me that this is just the start. After the Slayer and her little friends are gone there would be no stopping him. And he's strong too, QT had me put some sorta mojo on him that made him a little stronger than most vampires. There was no way that I coulda killed him even if I would have wanted to."  
  
"So how were you going to dispose of him after he killed Buffy?" Wes asked  
  
"Was gonna torch the warehouse. I know my limits, I would last about thirty seconds if I tried to take him on myself." Nick replied.  
  
"Well, I have to admit that I'm a little taken aback by your seemingly noble actions. I'll talk to Buffy. In the mean time, we'll put you in my office with Drusilla. I'm not trying to be inhospitable but I'm afraid the restraints will have to remain intact." Wes said.  
  
"No problem, completely understand." Nick responded compliantly.  
  
*************************  
  
Buffy and Angel were sitting her room. Buffy was near hysterics, she was so pissed. Her world was completely falling apart, and if she didn't think of something then she would have to kill Spike and that was something that she really wasn't prepared to deal with.  
  
"This is just so fucked up Angel." Buffy finally sobbed.  
  
"It'll be OK Buffy, you just have to be willing to do what needs to be done." Angel said.  
  
"OK, this is getting too creepy for words. You are now the fourth person that has told me that."  
  
"Told you what?" Angel asked, clearly confused.  
  
"You don't remember saying it either, do you?" Buffy asked.  
  
"What did I say? I know I said something, I just can't remember what it was, it's a little fuzzy." Angel responded.  
  
"You told me that I had to be willing to do what needs to be done. You don't suppose the powers are playing cryptic again do you?"  
  
"Sounds like it to me. What could they mean by that though?" Angel said thoughtfully.  
  
Suddenly it hit Buffy like a ton of bricks. She wasn't sure of what exactly, but she knew her brain was trying to tell her something. It was so close that Buffy could almost touch it.  
  
"What is it Buffy?" Angel asked.  
  
"Could you go get Lorne and Clem for me? I think I may know what the Powers are trying say, but I'm not sure how to do it exactly."  
  
"Sure thing Buffy."  
  
With that Angel left her. Her brain struggled for a few more moments, and the solution finally dawned on her. No one was going to like it, but they weren't the ones that were going to have to do anything. She just had no idea of how she was going to get to Africa. 


	44. Chapter 44

QT - May 2007 Chapter Forty-Four  
  
Quentin Travers was sitting in his comfortable chair by his warm and comfortable fire, sipping his 1982 scotch. He knew the moment his informant had entered the room. A smile played evilly across his face. He was fortunate that he was so patient, unlike his unknowing patsy back in the states.  
  
"Hey QT, you wanted to see me?" Nick answered, closing the door behind him.  
  
"I do wish you'd stop calling me that, my dear boy. What took you so long?" Quentin asked the vampire.  
  
"Hello, vampire here. Had to take a cargo plane, it took a couple of weeks. Would've been much easier if we could have just talked on the phone." Nick said huffily, sitting in a chair facing Quentin.  
  
"I just wanted to talk to you man to man. Wanted to make sure that you weren't thinking about doing anything behind my back." Quentin said truthfully.  
  
"Hey, I got no problems being in jolly ol' England. I mean the sun never shines here, I'm surprised I haven't seen more vampires."  
  
"Considering the Watcher's Council is located here, I think I understand why the vampire population is kept to a minimum." Quentin answered, not hiding his irritation.  
  
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. So what do you want to know?" Nick asked his employer.  
  
"How is he and the Slayer getting along?"  
  
"Still not talking. Spike's nursing the kid sister back to health or something. He still looks as melancholy as he did when he left for LA. So when are we going to turn him?"  
  
"It's not time yet." Quentin responded simply.  
  
"Why do you want to turn him, if you don't mind me asking?"  
  
"I want him to kill the Slayer and her old lover, Angel."  
  
"Why Spike though? I mean he's in love with the Slayer and he and Angel are pretty good chums. Why do you think he'll turn against them when he's turned? And I thought the Slayer worked for you guys, why do you want her dead?"  
  
"For someone barely above minion status, you ask a lot of questions." Quentin said.  
  
Nick had a hurt look on his face which Quentin quickly dismissed and continued with his explanation.  
  
"Spike the man wouldn't do anything to her, but his demon would. Technically she does work for us, but it seems that she has gotten too big for her britches and let's just say that I have my own agenda to attend to."  
  
"Like what, some vampire offer you immortality or something?" Nick said jokingly.  
  
"Nothing like that. I'm doing it for money, and for power. I have some pretty big demon investors willing to pay a handsome amount to have the Slayer put down."  
  
"So why not just hire a team to off them?"  
  
"I don't want this traced back to me in any way. I hold a very good position here, I have a lot of inside sources at my disposal. Besides, no will question it when William kills the girl. Most will be surprised it didn't happen sooner." Quentin responded lightly.  
  
"So, how much longer are we going to have to wait?" Nick asked impatiently.  
  
"I have to receive the word from an old friend before we continue."  
  
"And who would that be?" Nick asked.  
  
"Boy, you ask too many questions. It's beginning to make me suspicious. Why do you want to know? Why do you even care? I'm paying you a good deal of money for a very small amount of work." Quentin said.  
  
"Just curious. No need to be suspicious. If you're done with me then I think I'll just let myself out."  
  
"Yes, I'm finished. From now on we'll conduct all of our business on a closed line cell phone." Quentin said, handing the vampire a small black phone.  
  
"No problem boss." Nick said, taking the phone  
  
Nick then left his creepy boss and went on a site seeing tour of England. Quentin sat there calmly, staring at the fire.  
  
For so long he had been trying to think of a way to get rid of the Slayer. She was too much of a liability at this point. Her vampire counterpart wasn't doing much to help out business either. He had been thrilled when been Buffy had been killed during the Glory battle, but his joy hadn't lasted long. Her nosy friends had brought her back and that just wasn't going to work. He still had Faith to worry about, but he didn't figure it would be that difficult paying a guard to off her in her sleep. He had to get rid of Buffy, and then he could start over.  
  
He needed a fighting machine that would fight the battles he wanted her to. Since he had taken over the council thirty years ago, the Slayer had mostly been a hired assassin. One demon group would pay him a large sum to have another group taken out. Things had been going well until Buffy came along. He should have never put Rupert Giles in charge of her, he seemed to have just encouraged her. But now he was close.  
  
He was going to get rid of her and he even had the perfect person to blame it on. No one would question Spike being turned accidentally and killing the Slayer. If Quentin was lucky Spike would finish of the whole band of misfits, but he would just settle for Ms. Summers being out of the picture.  
  
Quentin got up from his chair and went to his desk, picking up the thick envelope sitting there that Nick had dropped off. Inside were pictures of Spike with Dawn, pictures of the Hyperion Hotel, pictures of the Slayer in her home, various documents about the various players on Buffy and Angel's teams, as well as blue prints of The Hyperion, the Summer's home, Spike's apartment building, and the warehouse that was to be Spike's hide out when the time came. Quentin smiled as he looked at the pictures. He knew that Nick wasn't the smartest vampire around, but Quentin was pleasantly surprised at how well his employee had come through. He then walked to the fire and tossed the documents in the fire. He didn't really need them, he just wanted to make sure that Nick was back in the states, doing his job. Quentin then sat back by the fire, dreaming of how wonderful it was going to be to finally have Buffy out of the way. 


	45. Chapter 45

Things He Has Heard Before - March 2009 Chapter Forty-Five  
  
Clem and Lorne walked in the room with Angel. Buffy was still sitting on the bed. She looked like she was deep in thought. They sat on the couch and chair in the corner of the room, waiting for Buffy to say something. Buffy finally snapped out of her day dream and looked at the guys.  
  
"Oh hey." Buffy said.  
  
"So what's this about?" Angel asked.  
  
"Clem, did Spike tell you exactly how he got to Africa?"  
  
"Well, he drove up to LA and found a sorceress that teleported him there." Clem replied.  
  
"Is that the only way to get there?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure. I don't know Buffy, it was a pretty hectic night. He was talking like a crazy person. He kept talking about wires and chips and wondering if that was what was making him love you. He just said he had to go to LA. He never said what the name of the witch was, but he said that was the only way he could get to where he needed to go." Clem said, worried about where the conversation was heading.  
  
"Lorne, do you know much about the shaman that performed Spike's trials?" Buffy pressed.  
  
"His name's Bob, pretty decent as far as demons go. He does have a tendency to give people what he thinks they want instead of what they ask for though. He knew that Spike wanted to be with you, wanted a soul, he didn't really care about the chip." Lorne said.  
  
"Will he only perform trials for demons?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No, but I can't name a single human that ever passed the trials. I'm telling you right now sweetie, Spike almost literally went through hell to become human. And please don't tell me your thinking about doing what I think your thinking about doing." Lorne answered.  
  
A look of guilt washed over Buffy's face. She had never taken the time to really talk to Spike about what had happened in Africa, she had just been glad he was back. She never really wanted to know the means of him being back. *selfish bitch* she thought to herself.  
  
"I think the Powers have been trying to tell me something. I think that they played a part in Spike becoming human and I think that they want me to put things right. Me, and me alone. I have to go to Africa, it's the only way." Buffy said.  
  
"And what do you plan on asking this Bob demon when you get there?" Angel asked, speaking for the first time.  
  
"I'm going to ask him to make him what he once was. I trust that the Shaman will know what I'm asking for." Buffy said.  
  
"No way Buff. I am not letting you go half way across the globe just so you can get Spike back. These trials are difficult to say the best. This demon is going to test you mentally and physically. I'm pissed that we've lost Spike, but I'm not going to lose you too. If someone has to go, let it be me." Angel huffed.  
  
Before Buffy could speak, Lorne piped in again.  
  
"It's not just that Buffy. Bob isn't going to like the idea of the Slayer dropping by. Most likely he'll turn you away. Angel's right. You can't just quit these trials if they're too difficult for you. The shaman has the right to kill you if you give up. This is some serious dark world stuff that you want to get yourself into."  
  
"You guys don't get it. I have to do this, for him. Look at all he has done for me. He's already given up so much for me. I have to save him. I have to do this. Now you can either help me or get the hell out of my way. Angel, I've never even gotten to tell him how much I love him." Buffy pleaded with her friends.  
  
"We'll do what we can do Buffy. What about what Lorne said though, what if the Shaman turns you away? How are we going to find this sorceress to transport you?" Angel asked admitting defeat.  
  
"Lorne, is there anyway I can bring a peace offering, so he knows that I'm not there to slay?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well, I know of a few things that Bob really likes. He's a pretty fair demon. I think if you explain to him why your there and your honest that he'll let participate in the tests." Lorne answered honestly.  
  
"Clem, are you sure that you don't know how to contact this demon? I know you want to keep me safe, but if you know just tell me. It will make things a lot easier for everyone involved." Buffy asked.  
  
"Fine, I mean if you're really sure you want to do this. Spike drove up to LA, but I know a small incantation that will summon her here. Anya should be able to perform it. It's a pretty simple ritual."  
  
"Good. Now we just have to tell the others. And then we have to figure out a way to stall Spike and get Giles back." Buffy said.  
  
***********************  
  
"Come on Rupes, it's no fun unless you scream." Spike said impatiently.  
  
Rupert Giles was covered from head to toe with tiny abrasions, made with Buffy's little love letter. Spike then took turns poring salt and lemon juice over the tiny wounds. Spike didn't want to kill Giles yet. He wanted to kill him in front of Buffy, so she would know he wasn't fucking around this time. He was however, becoming extremely pissed that the watcher wouldn't make so much as a squeak. It really was taking all of the fun out of the torture. Spike finally stopped what he was doing and made the watcher look him the eyes.  
  
"I'm going to kill you, you know that don't you?" Spike asked his former friend.  
  
"Angelus said the exact same thing." Giles said, pretending not to care.  
  
"I see what you're trying to do, clever watcher. You want me to kill you quick so I can't use you against Buffy. Well old man, guess I'm getting a little more patient in my old age." Spike said triumphantly.  
  
"You've only been a vampire for three days." Giles responded dryly.  
  
"I'm counting it all together you ponce. I feel strong, stronger than I ever felt before. And after that bitch is dead and I use her bones to kill the rest of her friends, nothing is going to stop me."  
  
"Why is it that I've heard that somewhere before?" Giles responded cynically.  
  
"Funny watcher. Maybe I'll just keep you alive so you can watch me kill your precious Buffy, along with the rest of her friends. Then we'll see how witty and clever you are." Spike spat angrily.  
  
"What are you going to do Spike? Take over the world? End it? Do think it was an accident that you were turned?" Giles asked venomously.  
  
Spike stared at the watcher. He had thought it was strange that Nick knew to follow him in particular. How did Nick even find out that he had become human. Worry washed over Spike's face and he began to pace back on forth over the length of the warehouse. He wasn't sure who to believe. His demon didn't trust any of them and it was screaming for him to kill them all. Blood and anguish, that's what the demon wanted to feel, wanted to see. It wanted to sever all of Spike's ties to the human world, but more importantly it wanted to see death and chaos. Spike's humanity wanted to break free. It was screaming for him to let his friend go. If nothing else what was left that was human in Spike wanted it to be over with. The struggle within Spike reached a compromise and decided to uncomfortably question his 'sire.'  
  
"Where the hell is that twit Nick?" Spike fumed.  
  
"He left quite awhile ago. Said he was going to go to the hotel." One of the minions answered.  
  
Spike screamed. The little fucker was going to go nark on him. Spike then turned on the watcher.  
  
"What the hell did you bloody say to him?" Spike screamed.  
  
"I simply told him it wasn't too late to make things right." Giles replied curtly.  
  
"See that's where you're wrong. It's way too late to put things right. The only way to do that would be if I had never met that sodding arrogant bitch. Then I'd still be with Dru and maybe Angelus would have killed her eventually."  
  
"You wouldn't have Julia then." Giles replied.  
  
Spike stopped and glared at the watcher. He had forgotten all about the small girl until then. Giles thought he saw sadness in the vampire's eyes, but didn't want to get the hope.  
  
"The kid has nothing to do with this." Spike fumed.  
  
"Are you going to kill her?" Giles asked quietly.  
  
"If I have to. If I have to mate, I will." Spike responded shortly.  
  
Spike then decided that Giles was simply trying to stall him. He looked around the room, his minions didn't look as confident in their leader as they had the day before. Spike sighed. This had to end now, there was no way around it.  
  
"Mates, get everything ready. We're going in tomorrow after sunset. And we're not leaving until that bitch and her poofter pet vampire are dead." Spike glowered.  
  
Giles looked at Spike with a mourned expression on his face. Spike responded by knocking the watcher unconscious.  
  
**************************  
  
"No way am I going to let you do this Buffy." Xander screamed at his friend.  
  
"I have to." Was all Buffy said.  
  
"Why? Why do you have to do this? I like Spike. He was a swell human, but we all know what he was like as a demon. He was a selfish prick and there is no way we are going to get him back like he was Buffy. Just dust him and let this go." Xander said.  
  
"Still on the 'vampires are bad' trip I see Xander." Cordelia said, sighing.  
  
"Hey, I know that you're a vampire groupie now, so I don't think you're opinion counts for much." Xander spat at his ex-girlfriend.  
  
Angel then was out of his seat with preternatural reflexes and had Xander by the collar of his shirt, growling at him in a threatening predatory voice.  
  
"Honey, just put him down. He's just angry. You know Xander, he never thinks before he speaks. Are sure there isn't any other way Buffy?" Cordelia asked worriedly.  
  
"No, this is what the powers are telling me to do. I have to do this." Buffy said.  
  
"What are we going to do about Spike and Giles in the mean time?" Willow asked.  
  
"Spikes probably figured out that his right hand man is missing. He'll probably be here by sunset tomorrow. Do not dust him. Detain him, beat the hell out of him, just don't kill him." Buffy said firmly.  
  
"What about Giles?" Dawn asked.  
  
"He's a grown-up, Dawn. He's very good at mind games if nothing else. I'm sure he's handling Spike in his own way right now. So are we ready to do this An?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No, but I will." Anya said huffily.  
  
It was times like these when she really wished Willow could still do magic. Anya started her incantation, lighting a few candles and sprinkling some herbs in a circle. She continues the chant faster and a green ball of light began to glow bigger and bigger. Finally a tall woman with strawberry blonde hair and a dark robe appeared. She looked extremely irritated.  
  
"Who summoned me?" She asked angrily, searching the room.  
  
"Cale?" Lorne asked in disbelief.  
  
"Lorne, sweetie, how are you?" Cale asked, her demeanor doing a one-eighty in seconds.  
  
The two demons hugged, grateful to see one another.  
  
"So what am I doing here? I was in the middle of cursing Brittany Spears for a disgruntled fan." Cale said.  
  
"We need you to pop a friend over to Africa for us, she wants to see a Shaman." Lorne said.  
  
"I'm taking it's not a social visit to Bob."  
  
"No the Slayer wants to go through the trials." Lorne said humbly.  
  
"That should be a sight." Cale said laughingly. "Oh, you're serious." She then said nervously when she realized that no one in the room was laughing with her.  
  
"Very well. I just need someone to sign my death clause and I'll pop her on over there."  
  
"What death clause?" Fred asked nervously.  
  
"It just says that you guys can't sue me if she dies. It's nothing personal, but I hope you've made funeral arrangements because no human has ever survived the trials." Cale replied.  
  
"Cale, sweetie, we summoned you to transport, not to hand out free advice." Lorne said, sensing the tension in the room.  
  
"Fine it's her funeral." She answered simply.  
  
Cale then focused on the Slayer and muttered some words in Latin. Buffy's body rose a few inches from the ground and then it was gone.  
  
"Will it put her by the cave?" Angel asked.  
  
"More or less." Cale said and then she disappeared.  
  
The gang stared at the place where Buffy's body had one been and for the first time in three days they were all honestly afraid. The gang then made their way back to their separate rooms, each saying a silent prayer for Buffy, Giles, and Spike. 


	46. Chapter 46

The Past - August 2007 Chapter Forty-Six  
  
"So, you going to break it off then?" Angel quietly asked his friend.  
  
"I have to mate. It's been over a year and a half. She's all healed. She'll be fine." Spike replied just as quietly.  
  
"Are you prepared for this?" Angel asked seriously.  
  
"Yeah, I know she'll hate me, probably as much as her sister does I reckon."  
  
"Will, you have no idea how Buffy feels about you. You've never really talked about it."  
  
"No, she gave me the big shove off. It's over, I'll never get her back. I should have never let Dawn kiss me that night." Spike said miserably.  
  
"No you shouldn't have."  
  
"Thanks for the support you poof." Spike said, suddenly angry.  
  
"Don't get pissy with me because you don't know how to handle your women." Angel said defensively.  
  
"Yeah, you're one to talk. Let's see, you were Darla's pathetic lap dog for a couple centuries, then you drove a future nun insane. And there was Buffy, whom as soon as you got a happy you stalked her and tried to kill her. Cordelia's the most normal of the bunch and he can't get the guts up to tell her about your past." Spike replied smugly.  
  
The two men were standing practically nose to nose by this point. Fred looked on nervously behind the desk of the lobby. She didn't like where this was heading.  
  
"Yeah Will, you've done such a great job yourself. Talking about lap dogs, what about Dru? It was pathetic how you helped Buffy just to get your girlfriend back, which she always liked me better by the way."  
  
"There's a good argument you stupid wanker. I helped save the world while you were trying to end it."  
  
"Sometimes I think you're getting a little too big for you britches. Maybe I should beat you back down in them." Angel growled.  
  
"There's a fair fight. Now you want to kick my ass, when I can't defend myself." Spike said, throwing in the last part in quietly.  
  
"I could kick your ass a hundred years ago." Angel said.  
  
"That's not the only thing you did with it." Spike growled back before he realized what he was saying.  
  
"Bugger." He threw in.  
  
Angel looked back at him guiltily. Spike was right though. Angelus had raped him over and over again when Spike would get out of line. Angel still couldn't explain why he had done it, perhaps because at the time that was the only way to curb the smaller vampire's defiance.  
  
"Will, I'm sorry." Angel said, putting a hand on the smaller man's shoulders.  
  
"Hey, it's no biggie. Always been everyone else's bitch, why not yours too?" Spike said lightly, not wanting Angel to let on how much he was actually hurting.  
  
Fred just stood there, frozen. In the last few minutes she had heard enough to scar her for the rest of her life. An unpleasant mental picture popped into her head featuring the large vampire over the small one. She shuddered and decided to go into Wesley's office, anywhere had to be better than where she was at.  
  
"You know that's not true. Dawn adores you." Angel finally said.  
  
"Yeah, just my luck. I find this amazing woman that loves me unconditionally and it's to the point now that I get cold chills from her touching me. I just don't how to tell her."  
  
"You just have to find the right time, Will. Honestly at this point it really doesn't matter if you do it this second or if you wait until Christmas." Angel said in earnest.  
  
"I know. God I know, I just wish we could've been happy together." Spike said, running his hands through his hair in frustration.  
  
Angel just smiled at his former childe sadly. He wished that there was something he could have done to have rectified the situation Spike had gotten himself into. But there was nothing that could have been done.  
  
The two shook hands in truce and left the hotel to go pick up Julia for the weekend 


	47. Chapter 47

Back to Africa - March 2009 Chapter Forty-Seven  
  
Africa (the desert, somewhere)  
  
Buffy woke up disorientated. Her entire body was aching and she thought her head was going to explode. She slowly stood up, trying to regain her balance. She looked around, there was sand as far as the eye could see. She finally looked south and it looked as if there was a small set of caves in the middle of nowhere. She silently cursed herself for wearing jeans and her stylish, yet affordable boots as she trudged on to the caves that were about a mile away. The entire way there she hoped that the shaman wouldn't turn her away, because she had no clue on how to get back. Hell, she didn't have any clue where she was at right now.  
  
Sweat was dripping from her entire body by the time she made it to the caves. She was dehydrated and she knew her skin was sun burnt. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand as she made her way into the caves. She sighed happily when she found it was much cooler in the dark, dank solace of the caves. Her slayer senses were in overdrive though, the place absolutely reeked of death. She made her way through that caves, desperately looking for her host. She was staring at the disturbingly brutal and prehistoric art work that covered the caves walls when she heard a voice from her that chilled her to the core.  
  
"Slayer." The voice hissed.  
  
Buffy turned around and looked at the shadowy figure. She could make out much other than it had green eyes, a tail, and it scared her half to death.  
  
"Hiya. Your name's Bob, right? I'm Buffy." She said chipperly.  
  
"How do you know my name, Slayer?"  
  
"I'm friends with Lorne, you know the host."  
  
Suddenly the demons demeanor changed slightly. He was still cloaked by the shadows, but Buffy could feel his defense wall break down a little bit.  
  
"How is the green guy?" Bob asked cheerily.  
  
"He's pretty good. We kind of lost a friend though and I want to go through your trials." Buffy said, getting to the point.  
  
"It's the vampire, isn't it? The one I who I returned his humanity back to." Bob said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Yeah, I want you to make him like he used to be." Buffy said.  
  
"You'll never endure the trials little girl. And what makes you think I would let you take part in them?"  
  
"Hey, I've died twice now, and defeated a Hell God, not overwhelmingly concerned about the trials. As for why I think you'll let me participate, I think I have something that will make you very happy."  
  
Buffy then flung her backpack off her shoulders and threw it on the ground. She opened up and pulled out a stack of comic books. Bob's eyes lit up even more green than they previously were.  
  
"What do you have there?" Bob asked curiously.  
  
"Superman #1, some X-men, a few Batman, and the first five issues of Spawn." Buffy said, not really knowing what she was talking about.  
  
"Are those for me?" Bob said, not even trying to hide the excitement in his voice.  
  
"Sure, you just have to let me participate in your trials."  
  
"I think that can be arranged. If you'll just remove your shirt and your shoes we can begin."  
  
"I'm not taking my shirt off you pervert." Buffy vented.  
  
"Get over yourself. I made your darling vampire abide by the same rules. Now, do it or get out." Bob said.  
  
"Fine. But I get what I asked for, right?"  
  
The shaman simply nodded and Buffy peeled of her jacket and shirt. She was wearing a sports bra underneath. She then stripped off her boots and her socks.  
  
"Well, since this is decked out arena style and no number two pencils were provided, I'm assuming we're not starting out with the written." Buffy quipped.  
  
The demon laughed at the Slayer's choice of words. He then moved back into the shadows so that Buffy felt like she was alone. She felt something move behind her. She quickly turned around to find her mirror image standing in front of her. Buffy thought she was going to laugh.  
  
"This is so lame Bob, I can so kick my own ass."  
  
Just then the fake Buffy vamped out and jumped onto the slayer.  
  
"I swear, anything to make me look like a jackass." Buffy huffed, pushing her other self off of her.  
  
The two circled around each other in hostile motions. Buffy pulled a stake out of her waist band, waiting for a good moment to strike. The other Buffy simply stalked her prey. The real Buffy couldn't help but notice how her vampire self dressed like a skanky gothic whore.  
  
"Nice outfit, five years ago." Buffy said.  
  
"I'm sorry it doesn't have a cute flower print with matching Prada shoes." Buffy heard herself say in her own sarcastic voice.  
  
*I'm still a bitch* Buffy thought before she jumped on her vampire self. The two dueled trading even blows, then they would break apart. Vampire Buffy successfully knocked the stake out of Buffy's hand within minutes. This went on for twenty minutes or more. They were both evenly matched. Finally vampire Buffy scratched the real Buffy along face with her sharp claws.  
  
"You are so dead for that." Buffy said.  
  
"Already dead, genius." Vampire Buffy spat back.  
  
The two faced off once more, and this time there was nothing beautiful or poetic about it. There was scratching, hair pulling, and even biting. Well biting from the real Buffy's end. The two separated once again, both holding clumps of the others hair. Vampire Buffy had a few good bite marks on her arms as well as some nasty gashes right above her breasts. The Slayer had a huge bruise forming on her under arm, right by her arm pit. The Slayer was pissed, and then she realized something she had in her pocket. She looked up at the vampire's hair, it was ratted in a fashion that was so 1987.  
  
"So you had enough yet, ho?" Buffy asked.  
  
Vampire Buffy screamed and jump at the real Buffy. Buffy then pulled the lighter out of her pocket and torched the vampire's hair. This sent the vampire screaming, running around the room in a very cartoonish fashion. Buffy chuckled a little and picked the stake up off the ground. She plunged it into the vampire's chest and her vampire self was dust. Bob emerged from the shadows.  
  
"Very clever, now toss it over."  
  
Buffy's face flushed like a school girl who had just got caught cheating. She tossed the lighter in the demons direction, where it disappeared.  
  
"Kay, passed. Now I get what I came for."  
  
"Yes, you passed the first of the trials."  
  
"What do you mean the first of the trials?" Buffy fumed.  
  
"You people never get it. If there was only one trial, then it would be called the trial, but it's called the trials, hence more than one trial." Bob said, irritated.  
  
"Huffy much? Sorry." Buffy blurted out.  
  
As soon as she did that felt more movement behind her. When she turned around she faced three very human assassins.  
  
"Come on, this is so not fair." Buffy whined.  
  
"It's a kill or be killed situation Slayer. They already know what they're in for, do you?" Bob said and then he was gone.  
  
Buffy faced the three large men. She had never been faced with having to kill a human for any reason. She wasn't sure if she could do this.  
  
"Come on guys, you don't want to do this. Let's just see if we can work something out." Buffy said nervously.  
  
"She's kinda cute. You wanna have the first go with her?" The large man with brown hair and a goatee said to the bulky bald black man.  
  
"If you don't mind, I bet she's nice and tight." The black man sneered.  
  
Buffy assessed the situation. There was nothing she could do. She knew that it was kill or be killed. These men were obviously rapists, obviously bad, and they would obviously kill her. She couldn't just incapacitate them. The black man jumped toward the Slayer and she moved out of the way in time for him to crack his skull on the cave wall. The sickening thud made her feel nauseous. She stared at the two other attackers. They were both white. The one with the goatee was about 6'2, broad shoulders, and a grin played across his face that gave Buffy the creeps. The other was short, maybe 5'5, had dark black hair that was greased back and beady black eyes.  
  
"She's spunky. A little too old for my tastes, but she'll do." The little man sneered to his partner.  
  
Buffy thought they were just making her job easier. She took a deep breathe. This is what she had to do. For her, for Spike, hell for the rest of humanity. Buffy didn't even want to know where the shaman had found these creeps, she just knew that they had to be put down. She jumped and kicked the bigger one in the gut. The little one then rushed her, hitting her violently in the ribs. She shoved him off and focused on the big guy standing up. She pushed him down again before he had a chance to stand up again. She saw something shiny out of the corner of her eye. The little one had pulled out a pocket knife and was expertly twirling it through his fingers.  
  
"The little ones always squeal when I use it on them. You want this inside of you? I wonder what you'll feel like after I've cut you?" The one with the beady eyes sneered.  
  
Buffy felt like she was going to vomit. She forgot about her large assailant and set her eyes on the smaller one. She moved in for a right hook, but the man swiftly ducked and sliced her arm. She winced at the feeling of the cold hard steel slicing through her arm. Her blood was boiling, she advanced on her attacker.  
  
"So you get your kicks off of torturing and raping little girls?" Buffy spat in digust.  
  
"Don't forget maiming." The little on said lightly.  
  
Buffy was on the dark haired man before he knew what was going on. The two wrestled with the knife, struggling to which way it was pointing. Buffy finally turned so it was facing the beady eyes man. She used all of her strength and shoved it into the man's chest. She held it there until she felt his last breath leave his body. She looked at the remaining man. She leapt on him before he had a chance to stand up. She looked into his hate filled eyes and twisted his neck, snapping it clean off. She then went to make sure her black attacker was indeed dead.  
  
She then looked around, surveying the damage. She could feel the bile rising in her throat. She suddenly couldn't believe that she had been capable of doing what she had just done. She sunk to her knees and wept. She didn't even hear Bob emerge once more.  
  
"Nice work Slayer."  
  
"Just leave me alone. I can't do this." She wept.  
  
"Slayer, those were apparitions, they've been dead for decades. You didn't actually kill anyone." Bob said, not sure why he was helping the girl out.  
  
"I feel like I did though." She sobbed.  
  
"Get over it for now. If you don't continue, I kill you where you sit." The shaman said sternly.  
  
"Fine. Let's get this over with." Buffy said.  
  
She sat there, expecting another creepy demon or even her own sister to come attack her. Instead she found strangely enough that her body had been covered in honey. She thought it was strange until she looked down and saw thousands of tiny fire ants crawling up her body, painfully biting her. Buffy let out a scream before she rolled over on the floor.  
  
*********************  
  
Dawn, Drusilla, Nick and Gunn were sitting in the office playing Uno. After two hours of attempting how to explain various card games to Drusilla, this was the only one that she could really grasp. And that was only because they agreed to let Dawn help her with her cards. Angel had talked to Dru that morning and she promised that she would play nice if her Daddy untied her. And so far she had kept her word. In the back of her mind she knew there was no way for her to get out alive and this wasn't her battle to win. She also knew that her former lover would fail. The stars had already said as much. So she sat there and played cards with the strange humans. She was taken back at how kind and gentle they had been to her after her initial arrival.  
  
Dawn looked at Dru appreciatively. She could understand how Spike could have fallen in love with her. She was so dark and mysterious and she talked in this really cool rhyming pattern. Then Dawn looked down at Nick and wondered how it was that Buffy did her job. Sure Nick was a vampire, and desperately needed a hair cut, but he had risked his unlife so Buffy could save Spike's. All and all she thought that was pretty cool, so she cut him some slack and even volunteered to get his and Dru's meals ready. Gunn didn't care about either of them one way or the other. He was strictly there to baby-sit. Just as he was about to declare Uno he heard an explosion toward the back of the hotel. He re-cuffed Dru and Nick and grabbed Dawn.  
  
Spike had managed to break through the barriers of the hotel. The entire back wall was blown to pieces. Gunn frantically searched for any bodies. To his relief he hadn't found any. He yelled at Dawn to go upstairs and find the others. Dawn bolted up the stairs, just as Spike emerged from the pile of rubble. He held Rupert Giles by the collar.  
  
"'ello mate." Spike said happily, dropping the unconscious watcher at his feet.  
  
"Not you're mate." Gunn replied angrily.  
  
"Suppose you're not. Why don't you be a good little boy and fetch the poof or the slayer for me."  
  
"Why don't you go look for them yourself." Gunn challenged.  
  
"Why aren't you a big boy?" Spike said.  
  
"Go fuck yourself, you useless pile of dust." Gunn sneered, not entirely sure why he was picking on a vampire that he wasn't allowed to kill.  
  
Spike was about to launch toward Gunn just as Angel ran down the stairs, with Fred, Cordelia, Lorne, Connor, Dawn, Xander, Anya, and Willow following him.  
  
"Leave him alone Spike." Angel said.  
  
"Bugger, guess I'll just eat you later. So it's my giant poofter of a sire. And where is his former slutty high school girlfriend? Maybe we can bring her down to give you a happy again. Then maybe you'll pull out that gigantic stake that you have up your ass." Spike said pleasantly.  
  
Everyone was equally disturbed to hear their William speaking like this. Even when he was a vampire he had never spoken to them in such anger.  
  
"Sorry, she's not here. Try back later." Angel said evenly.  
  
"What a bitch. Can't believe she left you all here to defend for yourselves. Just like her to go running when she gets scared though. I should know better than all of you." Spike replied bitterly.  
  
"Spike, knock it off with the tough guy act. We can help you." Dawn said helpfully.  
  
"Shut it bit. The only way to help is for you to all line up evenly so I can kill you one by one, instead of having to chase you through this bloody mansion." Spike spat.  
  
"Just leave and we won't hurt you." Angel said, knowing full well that once Spike got an idea in his head there was no getting it out.  
  
"Not going to leave and I wasn't planning to get hurt. Now you all on the other hand, it's going to hurt, a lot. You poofters don't even have your precious Buffy here to protect you." Spike mocked them.  
  
Just then about twenty-five vamps were standing at the barrier of the hotel. Spike used his preternatural speed and grabbed Gunn by the throat.  
  
"Now invite my friends in or your friend here is the first to go." Spike sneered.  
  
The group looked at the vamps and then back to Gunn. Gunn had an even look on his face, he knew he could probably break free and dust Spike before the vampire could get his hands on him again, but since there was no dusting allowed he simply stood his ground, waiting for Angel to make his move.  
  
"Isn't that a little cowardly Spike? You pissed because things aren't going your way. I mean you don't even have a Slayer to fight." Xander said.  
  
"Shut up you whelp. S'not my fault your Slayer ran off like a scared little girl."  
  
Just as Spike was about to snap Gunn's neck her heard a familiar voice.  
  
"You're girl may not be here, but I can do the job just as well." Faith challenged.  
  
Spike let go of Gunn and looked at the leather clad Slayer appreciatively.  
  
"You miss me luv?" Spike asked sweetly.  
  
"Whatever, let's just fight." Faith said.  
  
"Fine, rather be fighting with you anyway." Spike said  
  
And they began to dance while the humans and the vampires looked on. 


	48. Chapter 48

For You - November 2007 Chapter Forty-Eight  
  
I sit here locked inside my head Remembering everything you said The silence get us nowhere Gets us nowhere way too fast The silence is what kills me I need someone here to help me But you don't know how to listen And let me make, my decisions You're insults and your curses Make me feel like I'm not a person And I feel like I am nothing But you made me, so do something Cause I'm fucked up Because you all need attention Attention you couldn't give  
  
For You - Staind  
  
Dawn and Spike were sitting quietly in the dining room, eating their dinners. It had been like this for several weeks now. Dawn knew their relationship had completely unraveled. She had known it for months now, she had just been waiting for him to say it. The silence between them unnerved her. They had always been able to talk to one another about anything. And now there was just silence. And it was killing her. She hated to think she was the reason that he was so miserable, but she knew it was true. He hardly even looked her in the eye anymore.  
  
What was it that they had even had? That was the thought passing through Dawn's brain. She picked apart their entire relationship in her mind. She had chased him for years, what if he had just gotten sick of running from her? She had known that something hadn't been right even before the cancer. She knew that Spike loved her, but it was as a friend. They had never even slept together. She told herself she would give him a little while longer before she finally said something to him.  
  
Spike looked up at Dawn, she was staring at her plate, picking at her food. She looked so sad, so confused. Spike hated the silence between them, it was horrible. He had taken to sleeping on the couch, making excuses that he had fallen asleep there or he had to get up early the next morning and didn't want to wake her up. He did love her, but just not the way she had always dreamed that he would. He knew now that he couldn't. He wasn't willing to do whatever it took to make her happy, unlike he had done with Buffy. If he wanted to make her happy he would have at least slept with her by now or professed his non-existent love to her. He just didn't know how to proceed. Whatever he did, he was going to break her heart. He was doing it this very moment. She was such a beautiful woman and he knew that eventually she would find someone worthy of her. He just needed to find the right moment to do it.  
  
He stood up and started to clear the table. He gently brushed Dawn's hand as he picked up her plate and he could feel her looking at him. He was frightened to look into those bright blue eyes, because he was certain that they were filled with hurt and sadness. Sadness that he had caused. He picked up her plate and took it to the kitchen to do the dishes. When he was finished he walked out to find her still sitting at the dining room table. This was usually the time that she made it to the bedroom, so they didn't have to fight. So they didn't have to say anything to one another. And a little more of his heart broke when he looked into her eyes.  
  
"What are you doing pet?" Spike asked.  
  
"Just waiting for you." Dawn replied.  
  
"You need to talk about something?"  
  
"I was just wondering if you were going to come to bed tonight." Dawn said quietly.  
  
Spike saw her lip quiver in her request. There was no way that he could say no to her.  
  
"Course luv, just let me take a shower and I'll be in, in a few." Spike said.  
  
Dawn smiled a little and wandered into the bedroom. She thought maybe she had been wrong. Maybe they could have one time together before she left him, or he left her. She went into the bedroom and pulled out a long red silk night gown. She slipped in on and waited for Spike to join her.  
  
Spike walked into the bedroom and stared at the girl lying on his bed so seductively. The physical part of his body was screaming to take her, it had been almost five years since he had a woman. And Dawn was stunning to look at. His brain kept telling him this wasn't fair to her, he didn't love her. He sighed and made his way to the bed. He climbed into his side and kissed Dawn chastely before turning to go to sleep.  
  
Before he could protest Dawn was sitting on top of him, pulling his shirt over his head. His brain lacked function for a moment when she pushed him back and kissed him harshly. The kiss was bruising and took Spike by surprise. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and returned the kiss. She smelled so feminine to him, like raspberries. And she was so soft and felt so wonderful against his hard body. He stroked her back as their tongues dueled in their passionate kiss.  
  
Dawn rocked herself against Spike's clothed erection, she could feel him against her and she moaned. She could feel his hands reaching under her flimsy night gown and cupping her ass. She hissed slightly as she pushed her wetness, her urgency against him. She was surprised to find him grunting and pushing into her. Spike then ripped the nightgown from Dawn's body and roughly fondled her breasts. She was delighted with the feel of his rough hands working on her flesh. She craved him like he had once craved blood. She clawed at his chest, she bent over and sucked on his nipples.  
  
Spike ran his hands through Dawn's long silky hair, he rolled her on her side and then proceeded to stroke her warm awaiting lips. He pushed them open and gently put two digits in there, stroking her lovingly. He never stopped kissing her, he moved to her neck, kissing it, then her breast bone. He was then sucking on her nipples, all the while she rocked against him, moaning, screaming his name. She came and he continued to stroke her until her swollen lips quivered once more. He sucked roughly on her nipples, while she ran her fingers through her hair.  
  
"I love you so much William." Dawn panted.  
  
"Dawn." Spike said, jumping back to reality.  
  
He looked at the naked beauty sitting in front of him. She was gorgeous and flushed from her orgasm. She almost looked shy even though she had been naked in front of him dozens of times. She didn't try to cover up though, she just drank it in when she saw him appreciatively rake his eyes over her body. She then reached inside his boxers and began to stroke him, he grunted, but he didn't pull away. It felt bloody wonderful, to have her small, soft fingers wrapped around his hard cock. He then looked at her and saw the longing in her eyes. He saw all the love that she felt for him, he knew she would do anything for him, and it killed him. He could fuck her right there, all night and she wouldn't complain. What would he do in the morning though? What would he do when he woke up and hated himself? He gently pulled her hand out of his boxers, he still hadn't gotten used to being blue balled. It was still painful as hell, put he pushed the pain away and focused on his confused nibblit.  
  
"Dawn, I'm sorry." Was all he said.  
  
"It's over, isn't it?" Was all she said.  
  
"Been over for awhile, don't you think?" Spike said quietly.  
  
"I don't think there was ever anything to get over." Dawn responded bitterly.  
  
"Bit, please. I tried, s'not fair to you though." Spike said.  
  
"You never had to love me, you know that don't you?" Dawn quivered.  
  
"You deserve to be loved. Out of all of us, you deserve it the most. But I can't do it."  
  
"But I was happy loving you. I'm sorry I'm not her." Dawn said, with only a touch of bitterness.  
  
"No, you're not and no one ever wanted you to be her. I can't tell you why I love her so much. I can't explain it. S'not because she's a better person than you though. I can tell you that much."  
  
"So what, I didn't treat you like a piece of garbage so I'm not good enough? I didn't treat you like my lap dog that I kept around for my amusement. You can't love me because I never beat the shit out of you? You won't love me because I love you back?" Dawn spat angrily.  
  
"Pet, you know it's not like that. I can't help being in love with Buffy anymore than you can help how you feel about me."  
  
"Yeah, well you go ahead and love Buffy, because she will never love you. She got over you a long time ago. I was it Will. I was the only chance you ever really had with the Summer's women and you just fucked it up like you've fucked up everything else in your sorry excuse for a life." Dawn said venomously.  
  
Spike looked at her, he saw her puffy eyes and the tears streaming down her face. He knew she was pissed and she had every right to be. He just cocked his head and looked at her. She needed to get this off her chest, so he patiently waited for her to finish.  
  
"God, I am so stupid. I actually thought I could get you to be happy with me. But you're just like her. Stuck in the dark, stuck in the pain, stuck in the misery. Jesus, you wouldn't even fuck me. Two god damn years and you wouldn't even let me suck you off. You've used me emotionally for this long, why not go the extra mile and make it physical too?"  
  
Spike winced at the sting of her words. He knew she was right. He had used her. He used her so he didn't have to face the world, so he didn't have to move on. He continued to look at her while she got dressed. He felt his heart break into a million pieces at that moment. He had already lost Buffy, and now he was going to lose his best friend. He guessed he had lost her long ago though. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He searched for his jeans.  
  
Dawn looked over and saw Spike's back. She began to cry even harder. Why did he have to admit it? She was torn. She was relieved that it was over. Her make believe relationship with the broken man was finally over. She was also crushed. She hated herself for the hateful words she spat at him while he sat there and took it all in. He hadn't even tried to defend himself. She then crawled onto the bed and sat behind him. She let her legs fall off the side of the bed, her chest pressed against his bare back, her arms hugging his stomach. She softly cried into his shoulder. She gently took his hands into hers.  
  
"I'm sorry baby, I shouldn't have said those things." She cried.  
  
"Dawn, you were right, bout everything. I used you, it was wrong. I thought, maybe given time I could love you like I loved her. But I just hurt you. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Spike whispered softly.  
  
"I used you too. God, how did we get here? I love you so much, I don't want to lose you."  
  
"Nor I you." Spike said.  
  
"I need time though. I feel so stupid, so foolish. Everyone knew didn't they? That's why everyone always stopped talking when I came into the room, isn't it? That's why everyone gave us sad pity filled looks when we were in the same room. God, everyone knew except for me." Dawn said guiltily.  
  
"They were just worried about you luv. This is completely my fault. If there is blame to lay it's on me. If there is anyone to hate, it's me. If there is a bad guy in this, it's me. Dawn, you are not to blame for any of this, they all still love you. I still love you. And I always will." Spike said.  
  
"I think we just need some time apart, you know?"  
  
"Kitten, I think you're right. It hurts to look at you right now, for all the pain I've caused you. I don't want to fight with you, not any more, not ever again." Spike replied.  
  
"I'm going to go stay with Buffy for awhile. I have an easy class load this semester, I'm sure my professors will let me take my exams early."  
  
"You need any help packing?" Was all Spike could think of to say.  
  
"If you want. I was going to call Gunn and Angel to see if they can come over and help me load up." Was all Dawn could think of to say.  
  
The two then broke from their final embrace and set their minds on packing. Dawn worked in what was once their room while Spike worked on the storage closet in Julia's room. They both tried to hold back their tears and neither dared say anything to other, afraid that it would simply break out into another fight. Gunn and Angel showed up about two hours later. Neither man knew exactly what to say when they saw the two silent former partners. So they silently worked on loading Dawn's truck up.  
  
They worked all night and about an hour before sunrise Dawn was ready to go. Spike and Dawn looked at one another like it was the end of the world. Spike reached down and tucked a loose strand of Dawn's hair behind her ears. Dawn gently ran her hand down Spike's cheek. The embraced tightly, neither really wanting to let the other one go. Dawn then kissed Spike on the cheek and made her way to the driver's side of the car. She promised Angel that she would call him when she got to Sunnydale. She then drove away.  
  
"You gonna be all right man?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Not worried about me." Spike said simply before he walked back into the complex.  
  
Gunn and Angel exchanged knowing glances before heading back to the hotel.  
  
**************************  
  
Dawn pulled up in front of her house on Revello Drive about two and half hours later. Her eyes were completely bloodshot and irritated from the non- stop crying. She had no idea how to approach her sister. They had been barely on speaking terms for the last couple of years. She wouldn't have come here, but she had nowhere else to go. Nowhere else that she wouldn't be thought of as a charity case anyway. She grabbed her overnight bag and headed toward the door. She knocked on it and waited for her sister to answer. When Buffy answered the door she knew immediately what had happened.  
  
"Dawny." She said, wrapping her arms around her sister.  
  
"Buffy." Dawn said in relief, returning the embrace.  
  
"How do you feel?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Like I'm dying inside." Dawn replied honestly.  
  
Buffy gave Dawn an understanding nod and the two went into the house where they spent most of the morning crying and catching up. 


	49. Chapter 49

The Show Down - March 2009 Chapter Forty-Nine  
  
Buffy woke up in agony. She felt like her body was on fire. She looked down and saw her entire body was covered in small bites that itched like the devil. She used every last inch of self control she had not to start scratching and never stopping. She sat up, she almost felt hung over. She had wondered if she passed. She wasn't dead, but she had finally passed out from the pain on her last trial. She searched the cave, trying to see if the shaman was anywhere to be found. She could finally feel him standing next to her.  
  
"So, did I pass?" Was all Buffy could think of to say.  
  
"Indeed. You're still alive. I'm very impressed, all the rest the humans have lost on the first challenge. It was a joy to watch you fight Slayer."  
  
"Thanks" Buffy said for a lack of anything better to say.  
  
Bob then reached down and helped the Slayer onto her feet. She looked around the room dizzily. She hoped that she wouldn't have to walk anywhere that was further than a foot away because she wasn't sure if her body could handle it.  
  
"So, I get what I came here for then?" Buffy asked impatiently.  
  
"Yes." Was all Bob said.  
  
"Cool, so how do I get home then?"  
  
"I can transport you tomorrow night."  
  
"What?" Buffy whined.  
  
"I could make your skinny ass walk home." Bob said jokingly.  
  
"Good point Mr. Shaman guy, so you got any grub around here?"  
  
"Got some beer and sandwiches in the fridge. Just go down the hall and take a left."  
  
Buffy thanked him. She figured the gang would be OK without her for a couple days. Besides in a matter of moments Spike would cease to be a threat to any of them anymore. She just wanted to go home and make things right with her and Spike. She didn't care anymore. Whatever he was going to be now, she was in love with him, and she had been for quite some time.  
  
********************  
  
"Duck Faith." Willow cried as Spike was about to bash the Slayer's head in with a two-by-four.  
  
Faith ducked just in time and then kicked Spike in the gut. He went reeling back, but was up again before Faith could get her footing. He then socked her in the jaw and blood went flying across the room. Faith looked at him with hate filled eyes, trying to keep in mind that she wasn't allowed to kill B's boyfriend. She quickly went back into fighting position waiting for Spike's next attack. Spike then backed off a little and looked at Angel.  
  
"Come on you ponce, let's make this fight a little more fair. How about you let my boy's in and make this a real party." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah, like we're going to say 'Spike's minions, please come in a kill us all' - like that would happen." Fred said sarcastically.  
  
At first she didn't understand the anger in everyone's eyes until the room was filled with vampires.  
  
"Sorry." She said meekly  
  
Dawn rested her hand on Fred's shoulder in a comforting manner.  
  
"Don't worry, I did it myself once." Dawn said smiling at the woman.  
  
Soon, it wasn't just Spike and Faith fighting. Stakes and fangs were flying all over the war zone. Angel, Gunn, Wesley, Dawn, and Cordelia were fairing OK, but the rest of the gang was having a little trouble. Giles was still laying unconscious in the middle of the rubble, Angel noticed and pulled the watcher to the corner of the room, so he could protect him better.  
  
Dawn and Gunn were fighting back to back with heavy swords, while Anya and Fred were firing arrows from their crossbows. Xander and Willow were successfully taking one vampire on the far side of the room while Connor was attempting to protect them. After Cordelia incinerated two vampires with her bare hands, the rest chose to stay away from her. Wesley was making a good job of one vampire while assessing the situation. He figured they might be able to hold on for another twenty minutes, if that. There were just too many of them.  
  
Just as Wesley was beginning to lose hope a deafening boom filled the hotel. Both the gang and the vampires stopped fighting and looked at Spike in awe. He was covered with a bright red light, it consumed his eyes and his mouth. Suddenly a red object projected from his mouth, screaming like a banshee. It seemed to have filled the entire room with a red smoke and then a portal opened and the non-object was sucked into it. The portal then closed and everyone stared and Spike's seemingly unconscious body.  
  
Spike laid there like he hadn't slept in days. His entire body felt sore. He didn't have any clue where he was or how he got there. It seemed as if he couldn't really remember much of anything. The last thing her remembered was being chased by a group of vampires, he had tried to fight them off, but lost. Then the memories came flooding back to him, he then looked around the ruined room. He saw all his friends looking at him and then he saw Faith and then he saw Giles and shame flooded over his entire body. He jumped up and picked up a sword laying next to him. He growled loudly and began to plow through the vamps. He looked like he was half crazed with rage.  
  
Angel and the gang looked on with awe as Spike ripped through the vampires. After he had lost his sword he merely started ripping their heads off as he went along. Willow was thankful that vampires turned to dust, because she really didn't want to think about the mess that Spike was making. It was disturbing. Finally when the last vampire was either dead or had been run off by Spike's crazed attitude, he simply stared at the people that were his friends. He then dropped to his knees and began to sob.  
  
Dawn walked over to him and kneeled in front of him, she grabbed him as he wept, she just comforted him, she had no idea what he was now, but she knew he had realized what he had done. He finally shoved her away from him.  
  
"What is it Spike?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You. Need. To. Stay. Away. From. Me." Spike said in a threatening tone.  
  
"Why?" She asked innocently.  
  
"I hurt you, I hurt Faith, I hurt Rupert. I hurt all of you, please luv, just stake me. Don't make me go through this again." Spike pleaded with Dawn.  
  
"Spike, we know you didn't mean to. It was the demon that made you." Dawn replied.  
  
"No, s'my fault. Please, I can't do this. Go get your sister, she'll do it." Spike said, still kneeling in front of Dawn, still crying.  
  
"But she's not here." Dawn said.  
  
"Why not? Figure she'd be here to finally put me out of her misery." Spike said.  
  
"She went to Africa, she went to save you." Dawn said.  
  
Spike then stood up and glared at all of them in contempt. He then growled. At that moment he hated all of them.  
  
"You let her go to Africa you fucking spineless wanker." Spike screamed at Angel.  
  
"We tried to talk her out of it, she said that she owed you." Angel said.  
  
"She owes me nothing. The only thing she owed me was a stake through my heart." Spike said sadly.  
  
Before anyone could say anything, Spike disappeared. Dawn was about to go after him, but Angel stopped her.  
  
"We have to make sure he's OK. We don't know what happened to him. What if he does something stupid?" Dawn said, looking at Angel.  
  
"He just needs time, whatever happened to him, it's clear he regrets what he had done. Maybe the shaman gave him back his soul. He just needs to figure some stuff out. I'm sure Buffy will be able to get through to him when she returns." Angel said, attempting to be helpful.  
  
Clem finally came out of his room with Julia in tow. The small girl looked thoroughly confused.  
  
"Where are Mommy and Daddy?" Julia asked sadly.  
  
"They had some things to take care of sweetie. Why don't we get some ice cream?" Dawn said to her niece.  
  
The group watched Dawn maneuver the small girl through the rubble and into the kitchen. They hoped that both Spike and Buffy were both safe, for the girl's sake if nothing else.  
  
The gang left Spike to be alone while they tried to clean up the rubble in the hotel. Angel and Gunn took Giles up to his room and let Dawn bandage him up.  
  
**************************  
  
Spike stormed the streets of LA, he couldn't figure out what had happened. One moment he was about to kill the dark haired Slayer and the next he was bawling like an infant. He went over and over everything he had done. There was no way they would forgive him, and nor should they. He had almost raped Dawn, beaten Faith, and tortured Giles. He had killed that poor hooker, that poor girl that was probably only seventeen or eighteen years old. The look in the girl's eyes haunted him, the look she had, right before he had ruthlessly killed her. He had killed at least six homeless men in the last few days. He hated himself, even if his friends forgave him; there was no way that he could forgive himself.  
  
He then wondered where his beautiful Buffy was. He fingered her letter that was still in his pocket. Part of him was furious with her for going there and risking her life for him. But he knew she was alive. He knew what the trials were like and he was worried that they had done more than physical damage to the little blonde woman. Spike then thought of his daughter. How was he ever going to look her in the eyes again? He was a killer once again, and he didn't think he could get through it again.  
  
He knew they would all be better off without him. They already had Angel, they didn't need another vampire sitting around. His vampire senses could feel the sunrise coming on. He carefully found a secluded cliff and sat there waiting for the sun to rise. He closed his eyes and waited for the sun, he wanted to feel it one last time. He said a silent prayer for his friends and family. He closed his eyes and waited. He then waited some more. And then some more. He then opened his eyes and saw the sun beating brightly down on him.  
  
"What the fuck?" Was the only thing that Spike could think of to say. 


	50. Chapter 50

Missing You - July 2008 Chapter Fifty  
  
Buffy and Dawn had spent months bridging the communications gaps. They had mutually decided that it would be best that they simply didn't talk about Spike, there was just too much hurt there. And the subject of the former vampire usually either started a fight or made them burst into tears. Dawn didn't have the guts to tell Buffy about the letter, she just wasn't ready. Besides, Buffy had made it pretty clear to her that she didn't want anything to do with Spike, ever again.  
  
Buffy's anger toward Spike and Dawn simmered a little with each passing day. She was angry, but she was beginning to think outside of the box, as one of her college professors had once said during a lecture. She could understand why Dawn had gone to Spike, she knew that Dawn had been in love with the then vampire since she was eleven years old. He possessed danger, and Spike was sex in it's purest form. Buffy could just never quite figure out why Spike had dated Dawn, the entire thing had ended with Dawn on her front door steps crying. Buffy knew that Spike was one of those in it for the long haul kind of guys. He knew there was nothing there to save, and she guessed he had known for a long time. Buffy knew it wasn't out of spite, Spike would never intentionally hurt Dawn. Sometimes Buffy wondered if he still thought about her, but pushed the thought out of her head.  
  
Dawn was no longer angry at Spike, in fact she missed him. He was her best friend after all. She felt that enough time had passed for it not to be awkward between them. Well, she knew that things were going to be a little weird for awhile. He had seen her naked, they had shared a bed. She just knew that there wouldn't be any playful flirting or slumber parties for awhile. She had even started dating a doctor at the hospital. She wasn't sure how she really felt about him, because Spike had consumed a majority of her thoughts over the last decade or so. They had fun though, and doctor equaled financial independence. Dawn talked to Buffy about seeing Spike, and to her surprise Buffy seemed to think it was a good idea.  
  
One afternoon, Dawn made her way up to LA for the first time in months. She was anxious and nervous all at the same time.  
  
*********************  
  
Spike heard the doorbell ring. He had just gotten out of the shower and was in the middle of shaving, a ritual he was thankful that he only had to do once a week or so. He figured it was probably just Angel or Wesley so he walked to the door with a towel loosely hanging around his hips. He sorely wished he has put some clothes on when he answered the door to find Dawn staring at him.  
  
"Hi bit." Spike said, clearly embarrassed.  
  
"Glad to see you get dressed up for company." Dawn said jokingly before inviting herself in.  
  
"Well, make yourself at home, I'll just go throw some clothes on."  
  
Dawn nodded and got something to drink out of the fridge while Spike went to find some clothes to wear.  
  
"Figures the first time we see each other in over seven months and I'm half naked." Spike said, sitting down next to Dawn at what used to be their table.  
  
"No biggie, not like it anything I haven't seen before. Besides, if I remember correctly, you saw much more of me." Dawn said, rolling her eyes.  
  
They then both slightly blushed. There was still a little bit of sexual tension floating between them, and it wasn't the comfortably buzzing kind either. They weren't sure if it was OK to touch one another, they didn't know what it was safe to talk about. They finally met one another's eyes. Dawn leapt out of her chair and threw hers arms around her former lover.  
  
"I missed you so much." Dawn exclaimed.  
  
"Missed you too nibblit." Spike said, returning the embrace.  
  
Dawn then became embarrassed again and sat in her chair once more.  
  
"Any ideas how long this is going to feel weird?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Not a clue. Usually my ex's always wanted to dust me, not still want to be friends with me." Spike replied honestly.  
  
"Ha Ha funny guy. I mean we were best friends for like ever. We can't just stop now because we lived together and made out a few dozen times." Dawn said jokingly.  
  
Spike chuckled at how easy Dawn was taking all of this. He was still nervous as hell around her, but the butterflies began to melt with each passing second. The two caught up over the next four hours, while eating a pan of brownies and a large pizza. They hadn't really realized how much they had missed one another until that moment.  
  
"So are we OK?" Spike finally asked Dawn.  
  
"Definitely. I care about you too much for things to not be OK." Dawn replied honestly.  
  
Spike reached over and ruffled the young woman's hair. Dawn gave him an annoyed look, the same look that Buffy used to give him when he did that to her. Dawn could sense the hurt look on Spike's face and knew exactly who he was thinking about.  
  
"You're thinking about Buffy aren't you?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I don't think I should be talking to my ex about another woman." Spike said truthfully.  
  
"Really, it's OK. I knew you were still in love with her the entire time we were together. You can talk about her."  
  
"She ever ask about me?" Spike asked Dawn.  
  
"Honestly, no. I think it hurts her too much. She doesn't talk about you to anyone. You ask her flat out about you and she changes the subject with out even giving you the courtesy of an 'it's none of your business.' I think she misses you, but she won't tell me. She thinks it's not fair to me to whine about you." Dawn said truthfully.  
  
"Why doesn't she just call me then?"  
  
"I don't think she wants to be rejected."  
  
"Why would she feel like that? She's the one that always rejected me." Spike said thoughtfully.  
  
"I dunno." Dawn quickly lied.  
  
Dawn looked at the clock, it was almost midnight and she had to drive back. She had an eleven o'clock class the next day and she didn't want to explain the letter she failed to deliver. She knew she was being spineless, but she didn't know how to fess up to her sister without being killed in the process. The two exchanged hugs and promised to call one another. Dawn then left.  
  
Spike the went to bed to go to sleep. He slept through the entire night for the first time in over seven months. 


	51. Chapter 51

Humanity - March 2009 Chapter Fifty-One  
  
Buffy walked through the doors of the hotel. Bob the demon had dropped her off in a McDonald's bathroom about four blocks away. Apparently he and the other demon chick hadn't worked out all the kinks in the teleporting deal yet. She had just been embarrassed to walk out of there filthy, covered in bruises and burns, in bare feet, and half a shirt on. Luckily it was LA and most of the patrons just passed her off as some crazy person.  
  
Buffy was stunned when she saw the man made picture window throughout the back wall of the hotel. She then began to worry, maybe she had been too late. Perhaps it had all been for nothing. She tried to fight back the tears until she knew for sure what was going on. Just then Connor and Willow came down the stairs. Willow ran to hug her friend while Connor held back and gave a polite wave.  
  
"Oh my God, Buffy! What happened to you, you look like shit." Willow responded honestly to her friend's battered shape.  
  
"Had to kill my vampire self, killed a few human apparitions, and a few million fire ants gnawed on me for a few hours. Please tell me I was in time, because right now I want to soak in a bath tub full of calamine lotion more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." Buffy sighed.  
  
"Buff, maybe you should go take a shower, get cleaned up and I'll round everyone up."  
  
"Spike's alive, isn't he?" Buffy asked, suddenly worried.  
  
"Well, he's talking and moving around if that's what you mean." Willow said.  
  
"Good, you're right - going to go take very long shower and try not to scratch all of my skin off."  
  
Willow sighed as she watched her battered friend walk up the stairs. She gave Connor and anxious look and they went to go wake everyone up.  
  
*************************  
  
Spike wasn't sure what to do. He had been wondering around downtown for almost twenty four hours. He couldn't figure out what the hell he was supposed to be. He didn't feel the constant need to maim and kill like he had a few days ago, but he also didn't have that irritating little whisper in the back of his head telling him what to do. He was confused and he had no one to talk to about it. He then thought that he would talk to the sorceress that had teleported him in the first place all those years ago. She seemed to be all hip with the reading people thing. He frantically looked through his pockets for enough cash to buy a pack of smokes before he headed over to the demon's place. He then wondered why he cared if he had enough money, and wondered why he didn't just knick a pack off some vendor.  
  
*******************************  
  
After Buffy got done explaining her sordid adventure to the rest of the group, they all stared at her in awe. They couldn't believe that she had gone through that for Spike. None of them would have had a problem believing that Spike had done that for her, but the other way around just sounded strange to them.  
  
"So where is Spike and where is Giles?" Buffy asked innocently.  
  
Just then Giles came wandering down the stairs. His jaw was purple and swollen to accessorize the matching black eye he wore. He was wearing a short sleeved polo shirt and everyone could see the hundreds of tiny cuts that were embedded in his arms. The battered Slayer went and fiercely hugged her bruised watcher. The two looked at one another and started laughing.  
  
"You look like hell." Buffy said.  
  
"And you look like shit." Giles replied.  
  
"What happened?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Trust me, you do not want to know."  
  
"Spike, huh?"  
  
"Yes." Giles said quietly.  
  
When they took their seats once more, Dawn explained what happened after the battle.  
  
"He freaked Buffy. He starting crying and then he ran off. None of have seen him since yesterday." Dawn said in a worried voice.  
  
"He has some stuff to sort through, I'm sure he'll remember that we all still love him though." Buffy said, trying to assure her sister as much as herself.  
  
"He just needs some time, maybe he thinks we won't forgive him." Anya said.  
  
"I don't know why. With all the stuff we've done to one another over the years, I think considering we all still have our limbs, no one's dead or in the hospital, I don't think Spike caused all that much damage." Xander said, attempting to make some amends for his previous slanders.  
  
"Except for my wall. You know how much this is going to cost?" Angel said in an irritated tone.  
  
"Honey, all of your friends are alive, isn't that enough?" Cordelia said.  
  
"Yeah I guess." Angel said, his eyes never wavering from the wall, or lack thereof.  
  
"Guys, this may be at the bottom of the priority list but what are we going to do about the vampire prisoners?" Fred asked.  
  
"Right, I say we just let Nick go, tell him to leave town. He's no real threat. Most harm he's going to do it bump off a few drug dealers." Buffy said honestly.  
  
Buffy knew she was the Slayer, but the vampire had come in good faith, and everything had worked out, sort of. She couldn't just dust him, over the years her views of black and white had seriously mixed into some shades of gray.  
  
Suddenly Gunn came out of Wesley's office, holding a note.  
  
"Guys, I don't think we have to worry about doling out punishments, looks like vamps flew the coupe." Gunn said.  
  
Buffy then read the note.  
  
Slayer and her pals:  
  
Sorry about taking off like this, hope everything worked out well. It's not that I didn't trust you to keep your word, it's just that if I were you Slayer I would have waited until you were alone with me and then dusted me. I took Dru with me, I know she's a nut case, but she makes me feel special or something. I guess like I can take care of her, haven't had that feeling in awhile. Thought we would go to Australia or something like that. You never have to worry about seeing me or her in The City of Angels again. For humans you guys are all right, a lot more tolerant than most I've met. Slayer, Spike still loves you. Even when he was plotting to kill you it still looked like he was going to burst into tears whenever I brought up your name. And I should know, I followed the guy around for over six years. And tell your kid sister to find someone her own age, she's cute. We're going to slip out now, take care.  
  
Nick  
  
The group was stunned that a soulless vampire had written such a letter, if they wouldn't have already seen his bumpy face they would have just taken him for a normal human. They all laughed a little that he had decided to take Dru on by himself.  
  
"Looks like there's a little Spike Jr. wondering around with his insane princess." Buffy said softly before setting the note aside.  
  
After the group dispersed once more to help Angel finish cleaning up the mess on the back of his hotel, Wesley pulled Giles into his office to tell him about what Nick had told him about Quentin.  
  
"What are we going to do about this?" Wesley asked the older watcher.  
  
"I'm leaving for London tomorrow, I'll take care of it." Giles said.  
  
Wesley shuddered when Giles left the room, he didn't even want to know what Giles had meant by his last remark.  
  
**********************  
  
Spike walked into the demon's haunt. It was pretty clean. It was contemporarily decorated loft. He smiled appreciatively at all the black that was used to furnish the joint. He looked up to find Cale standing in front of him. Apparently she was going for the human visage for the time being.  
  
"Didn't mean to bust in, door was open." Spike said, not sure why he was apologizing.  
  
"It's fine, could've killed you before you entered if I had wanted." Cale replied nonchalantly.  
  
"Yeah." Was all Spike could think of to say.  
  
"You're confused vampire." Cale said.  
  
"Yeah, I'm not sure what I am. Got some sun bathing in today and I didn't get all dusty." Spike replied honestly.  
  
"Your demon is gone." She replied simply.  
  
"So am I a vampire, do I still have a soul?" Spike asked. He didn't want to play twenty questions with the witch.  
  
"Technically your still a vampire. You have the immortality, the need for blood, the strength, but you have none of the weaknesses. Sunlight won't bother you, you can hold crosses, stake through the heart will still kill you, but that would kill you if you were human too. And no, I don't smell a soul anywhere near you."  
  
"So, how come I feel all guilty about being such a wanker the past few days then?"  
  
"Spike, you're a special case. You may not have your soul, but you retained you humanity. It had never left you. You'll be fine. Now go to your Slayer. Go to your daughter and love them." Cale said, signaling that the conversation was over.  
  
Spike then left. He knew he needed some time to get his nerves in order. He called Buffy's home phone and left a message. He then went to his motorcycle and headed up the coast. He just needed a few days to clear his mind and let everything sink in. 


	52. Chapter 52

Full Circle - February-March 2009 Chapter Fifty-Two  
  
Dawn had sat there fiddling with the letter for over an hour. The guilt was eating away at her. Over the last few months she had been a super bitch to both Buffy and Spike. She was becoming paranoid and worried. She knew that without her up there to keep him company Spike pretty much worked all the time and drowned his sorrows in a bottle of Jim Beam every night. Dawn could hear Buffy crying herself to sleep some nights. She knew they were both going to hate her, but she had to do this. It was the only way for her to be able to sleep at night. Buffy walked through the back door after taking the garbage out after she got home from work. She gave Dawn a puzzled look before grabbing a bottle of water and sitting next to her younger sister.  
  
"What's wrong Dawny?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Are you still in love with Spike?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Dawn, I thought we agreed not to talk about him. It just leads to fighting and badness." Buffy said tiredly.  
  
"I'm fine with it Buffy, really I am. I don't think I'll ever be fully over it, but it's not like it hurts to talk about it."  
  
"It doesn't matter how I feel about him, he made it perfectly clear a long time ago that there was nothing left between us. And yes it breaks my heart, but we both had to move on, he sure did." Buffy said, throwing the last part in bitterly.  
  
"Buffy, he still loves you." Dawn blurted out.  
  
"Well he has a strange way of showing it. He never responded to my letter and him dating you didn't really show me that." Buffy spat, really not wanting to talk about this.  
  
"I might have had something to do with that." Dawn said sheepishly.  
  
"What did you do?" Buffy said, glaring at her sister.  
  
"OK, have you ever done something really mean and selfish and hurtful because you were in love with someone?"  
  
"Gee Dawn, you're looking at the queen here. Look how I treated Spike for I don't even know how many years now. Now what did you do."  
  
"OK keep that in mind, please." Dawn said, sliding the letter over to her sister.  
  
"You never gave it to him?" Buffy fumed.  
  
"Honestly, at first I forgot about it. And by the time I found it I Spike and I were already together and I thought you were just going to make him unhappy again. I was still having these puppy dog delusions that given the right amount of time, I could make him happy."  
  
"So you've been lying to me all these years?" Buffy said sadly.  
  
"Not so much lying, more like not volunteering information. I mean you hated talking about Spike and Spike didn't want to talk about you so I never said anything."  
  
"And that made it OK? You were playing God with other people's hearts." Buffy said.  
  
Buffy just looked at her sister. She wasn't even so much angry and she was just sad. She felt betrayed by her sister once more, but she decided to hear her out.  
  
"No, I didn't Buffy. That's why I haven't had a good nights sleep in over a year. I fucked up so bad. I just thought that Spike would eventually love me and forget about you."  
  
"Why did he even get involved with you if he was still so in love with me?" Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
"Probably because I pretty much groped him every chance I got and he got tired of running. And I might have made it sound as if you had moved on with your life." Dawn said, wincing once more.  
  
"Why did you really break up then?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.  
  
"I had a feeling that Spike had been wanting to break it off for quite some time, but I was still being all pig headed and stubborn. We got in this huge fight about you actually. I got pissed because he wouldn't have sex with me. That's when he pretty much told me that he couldn't because it felt like he was cheating on you. We yelled, I threw some things at him and he apologized for using me. I said some horrible things to him Buffy, and he just took it."  
  
"I remember what that was like." Buffy said.  
  
"Then he told me that he was sorry he was still in love with you. He pretty much told me that he would be in love with you until the day he died. He's so miserable without you. It's slowly killing him with each day."  
  
"What do you want me to do? Just stop by and tell him that even though we really haven't talked to him in six years that I still love him and want to give it another go?"  
  
"Pretty much Buffy. He's too scared to come to you. He thinks that you'll reject him again and he said he didn't think he could handle that. It's awful, if he's not with Jules he spends all of his time working. Suck up your pride Buffy. Please, at least talk to him. Make up an excuse if you have to, feel him out. It's been six years and the only thing you do is think about him and the only thing he does is think about you." Dawn pleaded with her sister.  
  
"I couldn't go up until next month." Buffy said admitting defeat.  
  
"Oh great! I won't say anything to him, it'll be a surprise." Dawn said excitedly.  
  
************************  
  
Buffy decided to let Dawn drive to LA, she was simply too nervous. She kept looking at the well worn envelope. She wasn't sure when she would give it to him, but she was going to make sure he got it this time. She was still pissed at Dawn, but she knew all would be forgiven if Spike would take her back. She didn't realize how much she had really missed him until she had talked about him to her sister the previous month. She had kept all of her emotions bottled up, the only time she ever let any of it out was when she was laying alone in her bed. She missed him so much it hurt and the only thing she wanted now was to see him again, to get lost in his blue eyes.  
  
Dawn, Buffy, and Julia stood nervously in front of the apartment building, Dawn knocked on the door. When it was first opened, Spike didn't even notice the two women, he only saw his little girl. Buffy smiled appreciatively as she saw Spike with their daughter for the first time. Dawn was always gushing about what a great Dad Spike was, but she had never believed it until that moment. He then looked up at Buffy. A decades worth of emotions came flooding back to Buffy, she just stared at him in awe.  
  
"Buffy, Anne, what are you doing here?"  
  
He then invited the two women into his apartment and shut the door with a thoroughly confused look on his face. 


	53. Chapter 53

Protecting the Ones You Love - March 2009 Chapter Fifty-Three  
  
Dawn was still at the hotel, one week after the final standing against Spike. No one had heard anything from the vampire. *Was he even still a vampire?* Dawn thought to herself. He had left a vague, to say the best, message. Angel had gotten the hotel cleaned up and was still bitching about how much Spike owed him. She sighed when she thought about the previous week. Buffy had gone back to Sunnydale and Dawn knew she needed some time to heal. Dawn knew that Buffy was just as worried that she was that Spike wasn't going to return. Dawn just wanted things to go back to they way they had been so many years before hand, before Buffy had died, the second time. Connor came up behind Dawn, he looked at the girl and proceeded to sit next to her.  
  
"How's it going?" He asked his friend.  
  
"Could be better, could be worse." Dawn replied.  
  
"You're still thinking about him, aren't you?" Connor asked, with a thin layer of ice lacing his tone.  
  
"Yeah, but not like that. I just hope he's OK. I want him to go back to Buffy, I want them to finally be happy. Lord knows I screwed it up for them both enough already." Dawn said, wringing her hands.  
  
"You're still in love with him, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah silly, but I don't think it's in the lusty way anymore. It's just he was the only one that ever made me feel wanted. Which is strange, considering he never wanted me." Dawn said with a nervous laugh.  
  
"Dawn, how could someone not notice you, you are beautiful and talented. I've seen how men look at you, are you that blind?" Connor asked in disbelief.  
  
"Whatever. We've been friends for years and you've never even looked at me." Dawn said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"I've wanted you for years. It's hard to compete with Spike though. You've been in love with him since you were eleven years old Dawn. I just never knew how to tell you." Connor said.  
  
Dawn looked at the handsome man sitting next to her. She had never noticed him before, even though she saw him practically every day for years. He was a great guy. He was talented and smart and had a nice upper body.  
  
"So how come you never just sucked it up and asked me out then?" Dawn said teasingly.  
  
"I didn't want to be the rebound guy Dawn. I didn't want you to just go out with me, so you could try to get over him. I wanted you to go out with me because you wanted me." Connor finished sadly.  
  
Dawn reached over and grabbed Condor's hand and squeezed it tightly.  
  
"Fine chicken. Do you want to go have dinner with me?"  
  
"Like as in a date?" Connor asked nervously.  
  
"Yes. Connor, I know part of it was that I was blindly and weirdly obsessed with Spike for years. Part of it was I never thought you liked me like that. I thought I was like one of your guy friends, you know, except with breasts." Dawn said laughingly.  
  
Connor looked at his friend. She was so cute when she laughed. He leaned over and gave a quick shy kiss before pulling away.  
  
"Maybe we shouldn't start dating. I mean my sister and your Dad would be way too happy to see that happen." Dawn said mischievously.  
  
"You're evil. I knew that there was something I liked about you." Connor said.  
  
Dawn looked at her potential boyfriend and let a hundred watt smile fall on her face. Maybe life without Spike wouldn't be so bad. She knew it had to at least be less angsty.  
  
**********************  
  
Angel found Cordelia sitting in their room callously flipping through a magazine. He walked over and sat next to his girlfriend and looked her over. She was so amazing to him. The strength she emancipated was incredible. He wanted her to love him, for all of him. He figured that if Buffy could love Spike for everything he was, then perhaps Cordelia could too."  
  
"Hey sweetie." Angel said to Cordelia.  
  
"Hi." She responded quietly.  
  
"Are you upset with me still?" Angel asked.  
  
"A little, but it's not for the reasons you think. I knew that you had done some horrible things before you got your soul, but I can't believe you thought so little of me to simply not tell me."  
  
"I didn't think you would love me anymore." Angel responded truthfully.  
  
"Come on Angel. You knew me when I was the scourge of Sunnydale High School. I was cruel and mean in my own right. Some of what I put some of the less popular kids through was just as bad as some of the things you did, and I was human, and I had a soul." Cordelia said.  
  
"You were just a kid. You never tortured or killed or raped." Angel said miserably.  
  
"No, I didn't, but you knew that I used to be a not-so-nice kind of gal, but you saw all the changes in me, and you fell in love with me. I did the same thing with you. I know things in your past weren't all puppies and kittens, but I want you to know that I love you no matter what. Besides if your stubborn ex can fall in love with a soulless demon and still know all that he is, why can't I?" Cordelia said with a smile.  
  
"Do you really want to know about my past?" Angel asked.  
  
"You can either give me the PG-13 version or I can just go ask Giles for the triple X version." Cordelia said.  
  
Angel smiled at her and thanked God that he had found such a smart and insightful woman to love him. He then proceeded to tell Cordelia the way toned down version of his days with Darla, Drusilla, and Spike.  
  
********************  
  
The remainder of the scoobies had decided to stay in LA for a dew extra days, take an actual vacation. They were standing around their room, packing their clothes.  
  
"Has anyone heard from the bleached wonder?" Xander asked.  
  
"I talked to Buffy, and she said that he left a message saying he might be gone for a couple of weeks." Willow said.  
  
"Yes, he could have been slightly more vague. Doesn't he know that we are all worried about him. We wouldn't have gone through all this trouble of not killing him so he could go AWOL and MIA in the same day." Anya said crossly.  
  
"An, honey. I don't think Spike is doing this to you personally. He probably has some issues to work out. He did kidnap Faith and Giles and attempted to turn Dawn. He's probably feeling some remorse and guilt right now." Xander said, in a surprisingly wise tone.  
  
"Maybe he's off killing people. We have no idea what happened to him. Who knows, maybe Buffy screwed up and made him stronger." Anya said.  
  
"Anya, I don't think he would have saved all of our lives if he just planned on killing us." Willow said.  
  
Just as Anya was about to reply there was a knock on the door. Fred and Gunn came into the room and looked at three occupants.  
  
"That was someone from the WC on the phone. They were looking for Giles or Wesley. It turns out that someone went into Quentin Travers office last night and slit his throat."  
  
The five exchanged horrified glances.  
  
"He wouldn't. I mean Spike has done a lot of horrible things, but he wouldn't have done that." Fred said, half convincingly.  
  
********************  
  
Rupert Giles was in the kitchen of his flat in Bath. He had disregarded the numerous telephone calls from the Council. He had no use for any of them anymore. He sat there studiously cleaning his knives. He remembered the pleas that came from Quentin's throat as he had slit it. He sighed as he wiped the blood off. He could remember all the times he had looked down on Spike and Angel because they were killers. He was no better than them now. He had killed two men within the last decade. He tried to feel remorse, but it just wasn't there. In his eyes he had served justice. He had just been protecting what was his, his two 'daughters.'  
  
*****************************  
  
Faith was in her guest room deciding what to do. She had one of two choices. She could either skip town and never return or she could go back to jail and finish out her sentence. Neither choice seemed all that appealing to her. She knew that she had changed and the others had seemed to notice the changes her. Even Buffy had been decent to her. She knew what she should do; she just wasn't sure what she was going to do. Just then Wes walked into the room.  
  
"Hello Faith." Wesley stated as he entered.  
  
"Hey Wes. Come to check up on me?"  
  
"Actually I was wondering if you would like a job when you are done with your sentence." Wes said.  
  
"Do you really mean that?" Faith asked, not believing what was her former Watcher was saying.  
  
"Well, I talked to your parole officer this morning and it looks like you're up for parole next week. He seemed more that eager to put in a good word for you if you were released into my custody."  
  
"That's really swell of you, but I don't want to be in anyone's way. Was probably going to go to the east coast and find something to do there. I really don't have anything keeping me here." Faith said sadly.  
  
"That's nonsense. You have us and you have the fight. You can't just give up Faith. You are needed very much here. You have proven to all of us how much you have changed. And you will learn more here than anywhere else. We all have something to atone for Faith. Angel has his past sins. As does Spike and Willow. Cordelia is trying to overcome her shallow ways from the past. And I'm simply trying to make up for being the arrogant bastard that I once was. We need you here Faith."  
  
Faith looked at Wesley and could see that he was telling her the truth. She had made mistakes in the past, but she was only human. And Spike, as well as Angel, had proven to her that it was never too late to change. She wanted to fight the good fight. She wanted to be a part of something. She knew that this was where she was meant to be. She looked up as Wesley and he knew that she was going to stay.  
  
"Can I keep this room?" Faith asked hopefully.  
  
"Sure. Let's get you back before they really do start to think you took off." Wesley said.  
  
The former Watcher and the former Slayer headed out the door and back to the jail. Both happy with how the situation was going to turn out. 


	54. Chapter 54

In the End - March 2009 Chapter Fifty-Four  
  
Spike sat outside of the house on Revello Drive. He had smoked at least a pack of cigarettes trying to calm his nerves. His guilt over what had happened had died down a little. He had talked to Clem the night before and Clem had told him there were no hard feelings. Everyone just wanted him back. Spike smiled as he thought of his friends. So many years ago he had tried to kill them all, hated them even. But the group had never stopped surprising him. After everything he had done those short two weeks ago, they still loved him, they still missed him.  
  
He was also happy to hear that Connor had stopped being a wanker and finally got the stones to ask Dawn out. He knew that the poofter's kid could make Dawn happier than he had ever been capable of. He sighed once more and decided to simply quit stalling. He slowly got out of the truck and headed to the front door. He shuddered when he thought about what had happened between him and the Slayer at their last meeting. That was in the past though, it was what was in their future that counted. He slowly raised his hand and knocked on the door.  
  
Buffy heard the knock on the door and her heart skipped a beat. In the last two weeks she jumped every time the phone rang or someone came to the door. She thought better of getting her hopes up again though. He had been gone for two weeks and no one had heard anything from him. She wasn't really sure what he was now either. She hadn't been there to witness the transformation. She did know that she loved him, and she didn't want to lose him ever again. That and Julia had been asking about her father every day for the last two weeks. And she wasn't sure what to say to their small child. She then looked outside and noticed the Sun shining brightly. Her shoulders slouched, realizing that there was no way that Spike could be behind that door. She gasped though, when she opened the door to find her bleached vampire standing outside, in the Sun.  
  
"Miss me luv?" Spike said in his usual cocky, smug demeanor.  
  
"Quick, you have to get in here before you get all dusty." Buffy screamed, attempting to pull the vampire in the house.  
  
Instead Spike pulled her out onto the porch and sat on the front stair. She sat next to him, thoroughly confused.  
  
"What exactly did you tell the Shaman you wanted?" Spike asked.  
  
"I asked him to make you like you were, which clearly you're not. I mean your cold and I don't feel a heartbeat, but it's sunny outside and I'm not sweeping your remains off the front steps." Buffy said completely dumbfounded.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a walking enigma right now. Went and talked to some folks though. Found out that the shaman couldn't give me back my soul because I guess that was a one time deal. He also didn't want to make me human because he sensed that you were less than impressed with the mortal me. So he released the demon. So I'm half of a half breed now." Spike said.  
  
"Oh, so you have all the perks, without the weaknesses?"  
  
"Pretty much pet. I'm bloody grateful though. At least a can start smoking again without having to worry about cancer." Spike said.  
  
"You will not be smoking in front of Julia." Buffy said crossly.  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it luv. I don't ever want to hurt her or you ever again." Spike replied.  
  
The two then looked into one another's eyes. A deep mysterious blue meeting a bright sparkling hazel. It looked like the clash of oceans between night and day. Where Fred had once said that there wasn't enough heat between Dawn and Spike to light a match, there was enough between the vampire and the Slayer to burn down half of California and some surrounding states. Spike nervously reached over and took Buffy's hand in his. She just let him hold it, relishing how it felt to have him touching her once again.  
  
"Pet, what do we do now?" Spike asked quietly.  
  
"I'm not sure. It's been so long. There's so much about you that I don't know about you." Buffy said.  
  
"You know, I missed you. You know that I never wanted to leave you, I never wanted to be the weekend Dad." Spike said at last.  
  
"The fact that I was being super bitch to you didn't help. I understand. It's taken my thick skinned brain like five years to figure it out. But I think I get it now. I know why you left, you had the best of intentions. It's too bad that I didn't." Buffy said weakly.  
  
"You were scared luv. I was being stubborn and pushed you into something that you weren't ready for. Something that you didn't want. I'm the one that's sorry." Spike said honestly.  
  
The two sat there in comfortable silence for a few more moments, both trying to get used the feel of the other again.  
  
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about Dawn. I really am." Spike said finally.  
  
"You may not believe me, but I understand. Don't get me wrong, I went on a rampage and dusted every vampire in this god-forsaken town when I found out, but Dawn explained it to me. I mean really explained it to me. It's OK" Buffy said, running her arm down the side of Spike's duster.  
  
"You weren't in England by any chance were you?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Nope, never left California, why?"  
  
"Guess Travers got his throat slit last week. We were kind of thinking that maybe you went insane or something and went on some revenge trip."  
  
An evil grin played on Spike's mouth when he figured out who had actually done the killing. He had to give it to old Ripper, the man was loyal, if nothing else.  
  
"What's the creepy smile for?"  
  
"Nothing luv, just let it drop."  
  
And Buffy did, mostly because she didn't even want to imagine what Spike was thinking about.  
  
"Can I see you again?" Spike asked.  
  
"Of course, don't be weird. I was thinking we could go get your stuff this weekend and you can be all moved in by Sunday." Buffy said chipperly.  
  
"Luv, I'm not moving in with you." Spike said sternly.  
  
"But why not? I mean I love you and you love me and we can be a family again." Buffy pouted.  
  
"Baby, don't cry. I don't want to make the same mistakes we did last time. It cost us too much time. I want us to take this slow. I want to take you out on a proper date. I want to buy you dinner, take you to a movie and give a goodnight kiss and go to my own apartment."  
  
"Oh, but you're moving back here aren't you?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
"Of course. It would kill me to be that far away from you ever again." Spike said, taking Buffy's hand and kissing it.  
  
Buffy blushed slightly and looked at Spike. He was so everything she needed and wanted, she didn't want this feeling she had to go away, ever. Spike finally stood up to leave.  
  
"Friday night, eight o'clock?" He asked her.  
  
"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem." Buffy said.  
  
Spike turned to leave and before he knew it, Buffy had pushed him on the ground and was straddling him. He mouth attacked him in a ferocious kiss that fully consumed both of them. He ran his fingers through her hair and she did the same. They stayed that way for a few moments, groping one another on her front lawn.  
  
"Buffy, I have to go pack my stuff up in LA." Spike said, trying to catch in unneeded breath.  
  
"Promise me you'll come back. Promise me you'll never leave me again." Buffy said, on the verge of tears.  
  
"Till the end of the world pet. Until the end of the world." Spike replied, wiping a stray tear that was escaping his soul mates eyes. 


	55. Chapter 55

Epilogue or Possibly a To Be Continued - September 2009 Chapter Fifty-Five  
  
Buffy and Spike lay in bed, staring at one another lovingly. It had been six months since they had reconciled, and they had taken things slow, like they had promised one another. Spike had finally moved out of his apartment about two weeks before hand. There were still piles of boxes littering the Summer's home, mostly because Spike and Buffy had been keeping themselves busy with more hands on activities. Spike softly ran his hand down the side of his Slayer's cheek. *She is so beautiful* he thought, smiling at her. Buffy stared at her vampire lover as his cool skin caressed her flushed cheek. He was everything she had ever wanted, and she thanked God everyday that the PTB had given her a second chance.  
  
Buffy leaned over and softly ran her lips over Spike's, savoring the faint smell of leather and smoke that was uniquely him. Spike growled softly as Buffy moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. Spike broke from the kiss and started to kiss Buffy's neck. Buffy softly moaned at her lover's ministrations. It was pure ecstasy to her. This was the way that things were supposed to be between them, cold on hot, warm on cool. Buffy moaned once more as Spike's hands expertly drifted towards the source of Buffy's arousal. Buffy ran her fingers through Spike's tousled still bleached locks as her kissed her passionately. The two were completely lost in one another, they didn't hear the quiet foot steps approaching.  
  
"Ewwww, gross." Julia whined at the top of her lungs.  
  
Buffy and Spike separated and stared at the little girl in shock. Julia was not quite seven yet, but she knew enough to know that kissing was gross.  
  
"Now bit, what did I tell you about knocking?" Spike asked his daughter.  
  
"You're supposed to knock out of courtesy when it's someone you like. But if it's someone bad you have to kick the bloody door down and let 'em know who's boss." Julia said proudly, remembering her father's words.  
  
Buffy gave Spike a look that forced him to stifle a laugh. A small grin played on his face though.  
  
"Julia Joyce Summers, where did you hear that word?" Buffy said sternly, knowing full well who had taught her that word.  
  
"Daddy says it all the time Mom. It's not like I said the "F" word." Julia pointed out.  
  
Buffy looked at her daughter and sighed. Julia definitely had her father's logic, and Buffy wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. She knew she had her hands full between the two of them.  
  
"Julia, you know full well that 'bloody' is an English curse and you're not supposed to say it."  
  
"But Daddy says it." Julia challenged.  
  
"Well, your Daddy is a bad rude man. Now come up here bit." Spike said to Jules.  
  
Julia accepted the explanation for the time being and climbed into bed between her parents. Spike hugged his family close to him, mirroring his lover's thoughts on how lucky he was to have this second chance. He had everything he had ever wanted in this bed with him. He knew there were going to be some challenges in the future, but he was ready to accept them. He knew there was going to be some questions when Julia was in her teens and Spike never aged. He knew he would have to face the day when Buffy died, but he told himself he would cross those bridges when he came to them. He was going to simply live his life one day at a time. And take time to appreciate the small things, like having his two girls.  
  
The End (or is it?) 


End file.
